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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
doorbellringer · 24/08/2013 22:05

Waves across the central belt to cushtie335 between us we are bilingual eh? Lol

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 22:05

Yes, I RSVP'd that same day dd came home with the invitation.

No, i chickened out of the texting. Sad I wish I was the ballsy sort who could do that type of thing, but alas i am not.

Doorbell - that made me laugh out loud. Grin

I really want to say something though. You're all right. DD was treated badly today. i think Annie's mum was avoiding me and the other yellow band mums and just carrying on like there wasn't any divide. I'll wait and see if she bothers to send any cake in on Monday or not. She may very well redeem herself.

OP posts:
cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 22:06

Hola Doorbell!!!

Theimpossiblegirl · 24/08/2013 22:07

Give us her number, we'll text her.
Wink

squoosh · 24/08/2013 22:07

Doorbellringer That is pure poetry ya dancer!

cloutiedumpling · 24/08/2013 22:07

Grin cushtie and doorbell. I've lived both east and west.

Anyone from the North East? It'd be good to see a doric version.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/08/2013 22:08

Count me in, Theimpossiblegirl - I'll text her too!

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/08/2013 22:09

So Hit Squad just texts?

Doubtfuldaphne · 24/08/2013 22:12

Absolutely disgusting behaviour. I hope when your dd has a party you do NOT invite her child!

squoosh · 24/08/2013 22:14

Awwwww poor little Annie, it's not her fault she has such an utter knob for a mother.

pianodoodle · 24/08/2013 22:17

cushtie and doorbell

Love it! Have to vote for sending doorbell's because it's so close so my native N.Irish speak and I'm a bit homesick today Grin

lotsofcheese · 24/08/2013 22:18

I hope you get a chance to discuss with the other yellow band mums on Monday. I'm sure they'll have an interesting perspective.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/08/2013 22:23

You're right, ExitPursued - we should do more. Pelt her with birthday cakes, maybe? Wedgie her until she cries for mercy? Glare sternly at her?

doorbellringer · 24/08/2013 22:23

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin you are very welcome to cut and paste my message - no charge for copyright.
I'm glad I made you laugh at least. As long as you know we are all behind you and feel for you and your wee girl. Loved the seagull story; a clever thoughtful mum thing to do!

lollilou · 24/08/2013 22:25

Op if I was you I would walk up to the yellow band Mums on Monday, smile and ask them if they enjoyed Annies party. Don't say anything else so you won't be judged a gossip but I bet they will have something to say.
Oh and a piece of cake will not redeem horrible party Mum.

kotinka · 24/08/2013 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 24/08/2013 22:30

Annie's Mammy is a Fanny

(that can go on one of the placards)

CakesAreNotTheAnswer · 24/08/2013 22:42

I think this thread should be immortalised in Classics for creating some new mumsnettisms. Not just red band vs yellow band (and can I just say I have felt inherently yellow band for most of my life) but I firmly believe 'Annie's Mum' makes an excellent descriptor/insult for certain types of mothers and will be employing it myself where appropriate. Grin

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 22:44

YY Cakes an 'Annie Mum' and a 'Wendy'.

IneedAsockamnesty · 24/08/2013 22:52

Just finished reading the whole thread and for the first time ever I am shocked.

That woman's conduct was shameful,your poor dd being treated like that.

However I can quite probably explain why none of the red band parents said a word, unfortunately most people have very limited understanding of HFA but they are quite used to seeing children with HFA on the sidelines (because sadly that's what happens to many of them in areas frequented by children such as mainstream schools soft play ect the differences set them apart from peers) so chances are not one of the red band parents realised anything different re the funding and just assumed that dd was on the sidelines due to the bustle and noise risk of full on meltdown ect its also quite likely that if there children had started to say anything then they would have gone to great lengths to hush them out of a misguided attempt to not draw attention to dd and felt they were being sensitive to her needs.

Also many soft plays let you enter as long as you are fairly near the party time especially if they have more than one party at a time so you don't all go through at once its more as you arrive thing as long as the birthday child and parent is lurking,so its quite possible they knew nothing at all and had exactly the same invite as the op.

I can guarantee there is no way on the face of the planet I would be able to stop myself from telling her exactly what I thought of her grabby rude and warped behaviour very publicly next time i saw her.

failingatlife · 24/08/2013 22:57

We have had only 1 soft play party & we didn't pay anything upfront, they told me it was min 10 max 20 so 10 would have to be paid regardless. I think there were 15 (all RSVPD ) in total & I paid during the party. Party bags weren't a problem, they had boxes of them made4 up sitting im the party room as they do a lot of parties.
What this woman did is BIZARRE & unbelievably selfish & cruel. Have to say though the soft play centre handled it very badly too. My kids would have been distraught if treated like this. Hopefully your DD was blissfully unaware she was a second rate 'guest'.
Gosh, I really can't believe the cheek of expecting people to pay to attend a kid's party Shock

flyingspaghettimonster · 24/08/2013 23:00

That's awful! Never been to a party that bad.

One party we threw for two of my kids we grossly underestimated the number who would attend, as I had put 'all kids in family are welcome' - I hadn't realised that as well as paying for all children to attend I had to buy wristbands for the adults too. I ended up with 50 extra people at a crazy cost... but I had bought 100 foil balloons, had more than enough food prepared and had also gone way OTT on party bags, so there was enough for all the kids. I'd have been cringing the rest of my life if any child had an experience like that at my kids' party. I hope Annie's mother hears how badly she screwed up.

knickernicker · 24/08/2013 23:04

OP- she won't have redeemed herself even more if she does bring in cake. You have to tell her.

failingatlife · 24/08/2013 23:14

I have never been to a soft play where adults have to pay entry, surely we spend enough in the cafe??

Most of the parties I have held have been in a hall with games & a bouncy castle & I always do extra party bags for siblings, have even told parents siblings are welcome to stay if they wish. Obviously not so easy when you're paying per head though.
I would be gobsmacked to arrive at a party & have to pay for the invited child!

Wetwood656 · 24/08/2013 23:15

Loving the troll hunting under the Scottish bridge Grin

We were at a 5 yr old party soft play party today by a Scottish bridge that costs 4.50 to get in but didn't see Annie's mum