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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
SamHamwidge · 24/08/2013 18:53

Shocking. It reads as more of apartheid allegory than a children's party! You poor thing.

ffsx2 · 24/08/2013 18:55

I've yet to find a children's party venue that wouldn't let the host pay for quite a few "extra" children who turned up (often the non-RSVPrs). Or that couldn't rustle up extra food. As for the lack of party bags at end...There is NO excuse. She was just mean that woman. Did OP leave a birthday gift? Very entitled not to bother.

InLoveWithDavidTennant · 24/08/2013 18:55
Shock
OctopusPete8 · 24/08/2013 18:56

my god that is ...I have no words!!!

Lweji · 24/08/2013 18:56

Send her an invoice for:
Present
Entry
Food
Petrol?
Your time spent at party
Cake bought after the party

justmakingdo · 24/08/2013 18:56

I don't think Annie will be getting many party invites this year poor thing

MrsMoffat · 24/08/2013 18:56

I really suspect that Annie's mum got
10 RSVPS from 20 invites, for the 4th year in a row a d finally lost the plot.
Where she went wrong was not following her convictions up by standing at the soft play door, welcoming the children then saying to all the non RSVPers who arrived "it's great you could join us but as you didn't RSVP and I've now paid for the party you'll need to pay x for your dc to join us"
Oh how I gave fantasised about doing it, if only I could
0Work out a way of doing it without it having any impact at all on the dcs.

cory · 24/08/2013 18:58

But MrsMoffat, the OP had RVSP'd.

mumthetaxidriver · 24/08/2013 19:00

I'd also go with thet passive aggressive text sugested by Bea. Her actions were shockingly unkind to your daughter and the other children concerned. She deserves to know its not acceptable.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/08/2013 19:01

Well, MrsMoffat - either she is a vile person because she created party apartheid because she was too tight to pay for the 20 invited children, or she is a vile person because she punished the OP's child (and other children whose parents might also have RSVP'd because other parents in other years hadn't RSVP'd. I don't think that makes her any nicer, to be fair.

somersethouse · 24/08/2013 19:01

Just dreadful, so sorry OP
Goes without saying that UANBU at ALL!

Childcareisscary · 24/08/2013 19:03

Every time I think I've heard it all some human being does something else to convince me I'm an alien. It's disgusting! Sorry you both went through that.
I would never ever talk socially to this insane mother again. Arrrrrg unbelievable.

TheSmallPrint · 24/08/2013 19:03

I'm fuming for you and your DD Op Angry, I would have had to say something. She sounds a complete bitch.

squoosh · 24/08/2013 19:04

What an absolute cuntpuffin she sounds!

I would get together with the other Yellow Band Mums and form a deputation, or at least get a good bitching session out of it. And I'd definitely send Cuntpuffin Mum a text, good examples given above, at how upset you were at her frankly mean treatment of the excluded children's feelings.

Poor bloody Annie, what lessons she must be learning!

TSSDNCOP · 24/08/2013 19:05

Rude and mean.

But worse is that it made DD whine and you get all tense so you were all cross and bothered for no reason at all.

Annie's mum would be on my Shitlist for a loooooooong time.

JuliaScurr · 24/08/2013 19:06

as usual, I'm speechless people do this TO CHILDREN for no good reason

Lweji · 24/08/2013 19:07

People, read updates.
SHE RSVP THE SAME DAY

Breathe.

Am I the only to suspect the red and the yellow band children were given different times for the party?
In which party more than 50% of the guests arrive more than 5 min early?
In my experience only 2-3 do.

MrsMoffat · 24/08/2013 19:08

Sorry that came our wrong. I know the op had RSVPed. I also know that making children feel uncomfortable or even aware their adult hasn't RSVPed would be hugkeynunfair and all child attendees should be welcomed and included the same, so of course Annie's mum was horribly in the wrong, I'm not justifying her.
I just wish, having endured 5 years of non RSVPers that there were some consequences for them! Not that it's relevant to this.
In in bed ill and I think it's affected my brain.

diddl · 24/08/2013 19:11

No, I think different times as well.

OP-would you say that the "red banders" were closer friends?

But how they could countenance it as well!

I'd have been mortified to be one of them.

And of course as said, paying the entrance fee does just that-doesnt make you part of the party.

ExitPursuedByABear · 24/08/2013 19:13

More front than Blackpool

luxemburgerli · 24/08/2013 19:14

I'm with Euphemia on this. If something seems too bizarre to be true, it usually is. There must be a detail you don't know that makes this less ridiculous, surely?

I would give Annie's mum the benefit of the doubt before I'd spoken to her about it, and not spread gossip.

spiderlight · 24/08/2013 19:14

I am just speechless. But squoosh, I love 'cuntpuffin'!!

FeijoaVodkaStat · 24/08/2013 19:16

Did Annie not wonder where half her friends were during the games and meal? All children that age that I know would have made a huge fuss if all of their guests weren't allowed at the proper party bit!

Bearandcub · 24/08/2013 19:18

Cuntpuffin...?

I like it :-)

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 24/08/2013 19:22

I also wonder...OP did you RSVP the invitation? I sent out 30 invitations and had 28 RSVPs so it wasn't hard work to make up 2 extra bags...but...BUT...three families arrived with SIBLINGS which they expected me to pay for! Then lined them up in the party bag queue! I had to be barefaced and just ignore the sibs who were rude little buggers and at 7 old enough to know they wouldn;'t have a bag as the party was for 4 and 5 year olds.