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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
primroseyellow · 24/08/2013 18:30

I wonder if this situation arose because Annie's mum actually had no idea how many people were coming? See other threads about failure to reply even when RSVP stated. Not that it excuses her opting out of responsibility for what actually happened. At one of my DCs parties we had the opposite problem, booked and paid for 15 at leisure centre but only 7 turned up.

thecatfromjapan · 24/08/2013 18:32

Sparklingbrook Lol @ "Shocking Benchmark".

SunshineMMum · 24/08/2013 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCricketWidow · 24/08/2013 18:33

God that's awful..no party bag? Annie's mum should be ashamed of herself.

HeySoulSister · 24/08/2013 18:34

where is the gluezilla thread,i missed that!

nenevomito · 24/08/2013 18:35

Don't bother with a text, PA or not.

Just make sure that if you have a party in a soft play that you pay for all of the guests apart from Annie - I'm sure her mum won't mind Grin.

LindyHemming · 24/08/2013 18:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 24/08/2013 18:36

Gluezilla threads (4 of them up to date) are TidyDancer's bridezilla threads.

ChasedByBees · 24/08/2013 18:36

Wow. Wow! How ducking rude!

littlemisswise · 24/08/2013 18:41

YANBU.

I would have had to say something, but I would have probably lost my temper with Annie's mum!Blush.

Seems the cheeky bitch had no problem taking a present from the "yellow bands"!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/08/2013 18:41

"Dear AnniesMum,

I am texting to express my deep disgust at the way my dd and 9 other children were treated at Annie's party. To invite 20 and only pay for the first 10 who arrive is appallingly cheapskate - if you can only afford to pay for 10, you only invite 10. If a parent had nipped out to drop their child off without their purse, that child would not have been able to attend a party they were already excited about - did you consider that?

Then to segregate those children who you had paid for from those whose parents had paid, and to exclude the latter from the party room and games - the cruelty of that is unbelievable, as is the blatant apartheid of the party bags.

What sort of person treats 6-year-olds this way? And what sort of lessons are you teaching your daughter about decency and how to treat other people?

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Yours, Ewe.

pongping · 24/08/2013 18:42

Wow, that is horrible. I'm dreading the age of parties tbh.

Moche · 24/08/2013 18:43

You know what, just let it go. She was an utter cow. You don't need to gossip or complain. Give DD a special piece of cake tomorrow, tell her it was just down right odd, be generous (what goes around comes around), and vow never ever to be such an utter twat yourself, not that you ever would be.

Either that, or send the passive aggressive text suggested up thread Wink

Moche · 24/08/2013 18:44

I mean this one, from Bea (genius)

"Actually I'd probably be so annoyed I'd be passive aggressive and text her saying 'I hope we didn't intrude on Annie's party today there's obviously been some kind of miscommunication as I thought dd was expected but clearly I'd misunderstood. I feel terrible because obviously dd was upset and may have appeared rude but she thought she was a party guest. Hope Annie enjoyed her party."

QueenofWhispers · 24/08/2013 18:45

I've read it, the whole sorry sad tale. What a HORRIBLE situation. I hate people like this. Either do it cheap and cheerful so everyone can come or only invite those you can afford.

Annie's mom is a nasty piece of work.

iWantChampagneOnColaBudget · 24/08/2013 18:45

just when you think you've heard it all ...........

primroseyellow · 24/08/2013 18:46

Sorry Euphemia! Had not read whole thread.
At another party we invited neighbour's daughter, same age as DC. Neighbour also brought their older DC as no babysitter. Naturally? Naively? we let this older child join in games but he kept winning them all! Mum sat there doing and saying nothing. I was embarrassed but had to refuse to give him the prizes in the end so the little ones could win some. I was really surprised that Mum did not have a quiet word with him..no Mumsnet in those days unforunately. I suppose the point is that sometimes guests behave badly too, but not in any way suggesting th is so in case outlined by OP.

ermumof2 · 24/08/2013 18:48

did you reply to the invitation , maybe if you didn't she assumed you weren't coming. maybe then your dd was 1 of 10 invited so she then invited someone else as she assumed you weren't attending.

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 24/08/2013 18:49

Jesus. fucking. Christ.

Just when I think I've heard everything...

unlucky83 · 24/08/2013 18:49

Oh my word - that is really Shock
You poor thing and your poor DD! (hopefully a lot of it went over your DDs head)
When my DDs have had parties like this I feel guilty not paying for siblings or accompanying adults - never mind the children invited!
ShockShockShock - I was embarrassed at the last one telling parents before the party they would have to pay entry for themselves if they wanted to stay (if they all stayed it would have been an extra £120) ...
No I really can't believe it! Feel angry for you...
And the soft play handled it very badly too - I know they probably felt like Annie's mum was taking the mickey and they were in an awkward situation - but I would imagine you aren't in a hurry to go back there are you?

cory · 24/08/2013 18:49

The OP has already stated that she replied on the same day as she got the invite.

Silverfoxballs · 24/08/2013 18:50

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EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 24/08/2013 18:52

What are you going to text to party mum?

Debs75 · 24/08/2013 18:52

YES OP this was the worst party ever.

I have just had a party for DD2 and DD3 at a soft play. I booked it for 10 with the proviso I could add others to the list (which I could) I then invited about 16. This was mainly through DD's nursery so some never even got their invites. I had 8 rsvp and turn up and 1 rsvp and not bother, best friend for several years who is crap at doing things which inconvenience her.

On the day I had 10 children for a party so no extra to pay for. However neurotic me had 16 party bags all named incase those that hadn't rsvp'd turned up and also the biggest cake known to man for all the extra kids.

If kids had turned up I would of paid for them and let them play. Annie has a very tightfisted evil mummy

Nicola19 · 24/08/2013 18:53

This is awful OP and made me feel so sad for your DD. I think you should write an (anonymous?!) letter (I am a scaredy cat!) like the one Evil suggested, putting in all the detail in your OP. You should not be the one feeling embarrassed.

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