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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this was the worst children's party EVER?

999 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 24/08/2013 16:15

This may be very long as I have a habit of rambling.

DD came home from school with an invitation last week for her classmate's (let's call her Annie) 6th birthday party. So off we trotted to the soft play today at 1pm.

The lady at the desk said it would be £4.50 to get in. I was a bit embarrassed and said I hadn't realised I would need to pay. The lady explained that Annie's mum had invited 20 children but only paid for 10. And had instructed staff to let the first ten in for free (first come first served) and then charge the rest.

I asked if dd would be included in the party games/food, and the lady said that I could pay for dd to have a meal and she could eat it with the paid children and wouldn't know the difference. And that there was no charge to join in the party games.

DD was getting a bit anxious/upset, so i paid her entry fee, prepaid her dinner and took her in.

Annie's mum never mentioned a thing. She just greeted us, told me where the cafe was and sent dd off to play. And I was too embarrassed to ask about the cost.

I didn't want to leave dd, so I just sat myself down on a wee bench next to the play area. After an hour, the children were called down from the soft play to go next door into the party room for games and food.

Again, Annie's mum didn't say anything re the people who hadn't paid. She just disappeared into the room with Annie before everyone had finished gathering at the door.

The 'paid' children all went inside, showing the lady at the door their little wrist bands. My dd's band was yellow (all the paid children's were red). I asked if it was okay for me to take dd in. The woman said that dd wasn't paid for. I explained that i'd spoken to a woman at the front desk and had paid for her dinner etc. The lady at the door told me to wait a minute, went away (presumably to the front desk), came back 5 minutes later and said me and dd could go in.

The other 'paying' parents (I could only count around 4 of them) said they weren't paying anything else and were just going to stay in the soft play.

So me and dd went into the party room. The children were already half way through a game of pass the parcel. Me and dd waited at the side for it to finish.

There was one more game (musical chairs) which dd got up to join in with. But the staff member (another different lady) said that she wasn't expecting another child and that she'd have to go next door for another chair. She left the room and i felt mortified. I felt like everyone was thinking I'd just sneaked into the room or something. The lady came back, along with the staff member from outside the door. Both gave me a big smile and then invited dd to sit down.

After that game, it was party food time.

Members of staff started bringing in buffet style food for the long table at the back of the room. I had paid for dd to have some chicken nugget meal bag, as I had assumed that was what the other children were having (because the lady at the desk had said that dd wouldn't notice the difference). I felt like a right numpty. All the other children went off to line up for the buffet. I told dd to stay beside me. She started whining so I went and asked the staff member when dd's meal would be brought in. She didn't know what I was on about so I explained. She said she wasn't sure if dd's meal would be allowed to be brought into the party room and she'd go and check.

Anyway, me and dd were sat there in a wee corner for about 15 minutes. No one said anything to us. A few people looked over and smiled. Again, I felt totally mortified. I tried to catch Annie's mum's eye, but she was forever talking to people. So i just said very loudly to a whining dd that her dinner will be brought in soon, hoping someone might say something to me (or perhaps invite dd to come and get a sandwich or something) but no one did.

By the time they were all getting jelly and ice cream, dd's chicken nuggets and chips arrived. So that preoccupied her from the fact she wasn't getting ice cream.

After eating, they all went out to the soft play again for ten minutes. Then it was time to go. The other children were all leaving with party bags. I tried to distract dd but she said very loudly (Annie's mum was standing next to us), "Can i have one too?"

Annie's mum was clearly ignoring her seemed not to hear her, so dd tapped her on the arm and said, "Excuse me, can I have one, too?"

I apologised and asked dd not to be rude, and to say thank you for the invitation etc. DD was getting upset and asked me "But whyyyyyy can't I have one?"

So Annie's Mum knelt down to her and said with a big smile, "See your lovely little bangle? It's yellow. Only the boys and girls with red ones get a party bag. Buuut, do you know what children with yellow bangles get? Something even better. They get a piece of cake. Isn't that wonderful?"

I was pretty much like Shock but dd thought that it was indeed wonderful. Annie's mum promised her a bit of cake 'in a wee minute'. So again, me and dd were standing there like numpties while Annie's mum continued dishing out bags to the other children and chatting to their parents. I kept saying to dd "Let's just go and I'll buy you a treat from the cake shop', but she was adamant she wanted a piece of Annie's birthday cake.

So we found a wee table and sat there. Once everyone had gone, Annie's mum disappeared into the party room again. Ten minutes later, she came out with all of Annie's presents etc, coat on clearly ready to go home. I smiled at her in a 'did you forget about us?' kind of way. She seemed surprised to see us. Apologised and said that the cake was all boxed up now but that she'd make sure Annie brought some in on Monday to school for dd.

DD was not pleased.

So... AIBU to think this was the worst party ever? I realise I should have left much earlier than I did, but dd had spent the whole morning getting ready, making Annie's card, wrapping her gift, drawing Annie a picture, talking about the party, that she would have been heartbroken if i brought her home early.

I just feel so embarrassed.

OP posts:
lottieandmia · 24/08/2013 17:48

ooooohhhh, you have the perfect right to be a gossip in this situation!

cushtie335 · 24/08/2013 17:49

I'm so glad these party days are behind me. I'm actually shuddering at the memories of the minefield of who to invite/waiting on people RSVPing/knobheads who went on and on and on about coming to the party not actually turning up on the day and never explaining why afterwards....and RELAX....

gertrudetrain · 24/08/2013 17:49

To not offer the poor child a sandwich though? None of them? And in the op she says that annie's mum was talking to people in the party room so other adults WERE there. I'd have expected ds2 who is 5 to notice and offer to share with the girl if she was upset so I would more than expect an adult to notice and acknowledge it. My friends and family at all my dc's parties hzve made sure that all the children were fed, watered and entertained. It's called a part ffs, it's what you do for your guests!

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 24/08/2013 17:50

Oh poor you, poor dd... And how badly handled Annie's mother really didn't cover herself with glory!

Having been to a jointly organised soft play party (ghastly!), I can totally understand how it happened once the train wheels of 10 unpaid 10 paid was underway. I cant quite imagine how the mother didn't feel the urge to step in and stop the horror of it though, or how she got into a situation where only 10 were prepaid.

Ugh!

I wouldnt lie about the cake though, too upsetting of your dd found out.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 24/08/2013 17:51

Ps At soft play parties, party bags are provided as part of a party deal so not weird that there would be only 10... Not weirder than only paying for 10 anyway!

northernlurker · 24/08/2013 17:53

This is awful. I have a 6 yr old too - she would be devastated by this and tbh I don't think I would have kept my temper with the cruel, mean woman.

Blueandwhitelover · 24/08/2013 17:54

I do think you should send a text along the lines of what has been suggested. Do you still have the invite? tell Mrs Annie you had to pay at entrance and did she realise?

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou · 24/08/2013 17:55

Maybe the red band mothers were hopelessly baffled. Maybe they thought OPs dd had allergies or something and didn't want to make her feel bad by offering her food she couldn't have. The whole thing is so bizarre. Why did the woman say that OPs dd wouldn't notice the difference in the food? Surely they could have added to the buffet.

Sanctimummy · 24/08/2013 17:56
Shock

YANBU.

I'd have to had said something. But I'm quite forward like that...

SPBisResisting · 24/08/2013 17:56
Shock
Mumblepot26 · 24/08/2013 17:57

Stunned!!! Really really really awful... Your poor DD!! I would be furious, what a cow!! you must speak have a word, what dreadful behaviour

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 24/08/2013 17:59

It wouldn't have taken much to request (and pay) for a few portions of chips to be brought up for the party, pads out the food a bit. It's possible one mum may have got it wrong/forgotten to RSVP but there were four. They can't all be wrong. I can't think of any reason that no effort was made to include the others.

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 17:59

Maybe not all red band parents stayed.....

CerealMom · 24/08/2013 18:02

It's not gossiping when you are discussing factual events.

I would be livid and would've asking the mother why she invited 20 but only payed for the first 10 to show. Did the 10 have different invites?

Cruel, tight fisted and (I think), cliquey.

cory · 24/08/2013 18:07

MissStrawberry Sat 24-Aug-13 17:33:41
"I don't get why the difference in wrist bands. Both had been paid for. One by Annie's mother and other by their own mother. "

No doubt the red bands were for the Birthday Party Deal: the one that includes a party bag and entry to the party room and other useless crap party effects.

I did once or twice check out these organised birthday parties and it is a very expensive way of providing what you could do much more cheaply at home. You buy the whole packet of party bags, party table cups/napkins etc and inedible party food.

Doesn't excuse Annie's mum though.

BlehPukeVomit · 24/08/2013 18:09

I don't like passive agressive nonsense. It's much better to be honest, unemotional and polite.

To Annie's Mum.

I wanted to let you know that i was dissapointed and suprised that I had to pay for DDs entry to the soft play and for her food. It would have been better if you had let me know beforehand. DD was excited to choose the xxxx toy for Annie and it was upsetting that she was excluded from the party games and food and was not allowed a party bag. Rather than complain to the other parents who had to pay for their children to attend Annie's party I thought it better to let you know my thoughts directly

Gunznroses · 24/08/2013 18:09

I was hyperventilating with anger by the time i reached the end of the OP. It sounds like she singled out the "upaid" children for punishment! The bit in the end about the party bags just sounds like she was 'glorying in it' what a prized size COW!

lotsofcheese · 24/08/2013 18:17

How awful. Where are you in Scotland? If it's near me, let me know & I'll bop her!

LegoAcupuncture · 24/08/2013 18:18

Gosh! Having a bad day today and MonkeyFaceGrace's offer of money for a cake has set me off

What an awful party. Annie's mum sounds very grabby.

ovenbun · 24/08/2013 18:20
Shock So mean/unthinking/rude/awful

How did she front it out without cringing?
What a nasty piece of work!!

xxx

toffeelolly · 24/08/2013 18:24

That is awlful. Is this woman for real, what a bloody cheek.

Dam58 · 24/08/2013 18:25

Bitch.

SPBisResisting · 24/08/2013 18:25

huge huge x post
(sure this will be too)
This beats all other "shocking behaviour posts" by a mile - just sorry you and your DD were on the receiving end

IceNoSlice · 24/08/2013 18:27

YANBU, sounds awful. Am Shock

Sparklingbrook · 24/08/2013 18:28

This should be put in Classics so that if anybody says they are shocked about something it can be used as the 'shocking' bench mark.