to think that if you don't like children, then don't...

[gintastic]

go to Frankie & Benny's for lunch on a bank holiday Saturday.

Lots of tutting and humpfing from the elderly couple sat next to me and 3 DC's. They were all behaving nicely, eating properly, good manners etc.

Couple in question had a nice discussion about how eating out was a luxury and children today are spoilt, and how they didn't know anywhere where you can eat in peace these days.

Well, it certainly won't be F&B's, they are very kid orientated!

Would you have said anything, given that they didn't say anything to me, just had a loud conversation that I could hear and did lots of pointed looks at my 3yo when he dropped his fork on the floor...

Have had a similar experience- this time a couple, middle aged if it makes anybdifferce, so not old, moaning about kids these day

Imagine the thread.

'The black couple were tutting,, '
' Black bastards'

Yanbu. Its fine if you don't want to be surrounded by children when you are eating out. But if so, don't go to Frankie & Benny's!

I guess they just didn't realise it was so child-oriented.

We were in TGI Fridays last week for a meal. We weren't the only family in there and it's quite noisy anyway. I have 3 DCs and all of them sat at their seats and were well behaved. Even my youngest (2YO) who can be known for getting tired and frustrated while out (we often leave without puddings because of her behaviour - it's just sometimes not worth it to stay if she's creating a scene with a tantrum) was happy. The only noise she made was of laughter at the balloons at the table. Yet a young couple near us moved seats and kept looking over at us disapprovingly. I just thought one day they might have children who are much worse behaved. There's usually some family in these types of places who let their children (for one reason or another) run around the place.

If the place was jam packed with kids; why were your kids singled out if they really were behaving perfectly?
Maybe you're just inured to their noise and they were louder than you thought?

I don't think the irritation with children is as complicated as a pp said - I think it stems purely from finding the behaviour of many children annoying esp if you are not used to them.

You know, I'm old enough to remember the radical feminist analysis of age and power. Old, white men have power and they are very angry at the young, for their physical strength and health. They are also frightened that the young will usurp them. So they send young men into wars that will maim and kill them, and they keep young women terrorised with a regime that both lauds and punishes them for their physical attractiveness (to older men) and their sexuality.

I don't know how much I agree with that, but I do think that there are power differentials in many human relationships - and it is the perception of these (or misperception) that generates a lot of hostility - and physical violence. My guess is that that older couple perceived our OP as having a lot of power (young, sexual potency visibly displayed) and also vulnerability (out with her little ones, a mother) and that, in some way, challenged them. Perhaps they felt she was also wealthier? Anyway, it made them unhappy, and that was how they reacted and rationalised their feelings.

For those saying that the age may be an irrelevance, it also may not. It may be a strong motivation driving the animosity.

Andy yes, there are lots of people who don't like children. Look at all the child abuse, child pornography, and gun massacres of children. It's a sliding scale, from all out terrorisation to "acceptable" levels of dislike. And it ranges in age, too: from disliking/ambivalence towards the very young, to dislike of those younger.

What is odd is how acceptable it is ....

Perhaps hatred of the young is driven by feelings of scarcity? Perhaps it is those nearer the bottom of the economic/social heap, who feel their existence is, in some way, imperilled by children who hate/dislike them?

I'm musing, because it occurs to me that if disliking the young was hard-wired, we would have died out as a species long ago. but perhaps dislike is a throw-back to when resources were scarce and children would be jettisoned - so perhaps "dislike" is triggered by a feeling of their being scant resources?

Just pondering.

"How can you possibly get to that age and still be that much of a fuck-up?"

I have worked with "the elderly" and my Mum is 85, i have noticed that many people when they get older like to moan and complain constantly, it isn't personally meant and best ignored. When challenged they don't mean what they are saying, or even realise, most of the time.

There is a a physiological change that occurs in the brain and body as we age.

There is a lot of bad feeling on here towards the elderly, which is just the same as the lack of leeway given to children not behaving well.

YNBU. Although in the defence of the Old I have had a fair Few tuts of young adults too. I hate the 'Kids Should be seen and not heard' attitude. I think it would serve some members of the Public well to remember they were once à.Child ~

*a Child. Typo. ~

I just think that is over complicated - children behave in a different way to adults, they sound different and some people of every age find that hard to tolerate. It doesn't make these people bad people - it's just how it is. If you have never been around children since you were one yourself, and they may believe that children should be seen and not heard.

Yabu going F&B it's prepackaged shite!
Regardless if its kid friendly or not , if your kids were being a nuisance and disturbing dinners YABU. My kids never disturbed any one.

In the past iv ignored but iv gotten bolshy in my old age and would be askinf them politley what their problem was

Why is it just centered on old people. I hate it when kids a shrieking running up and down , climbing over seats while parents totally ignore the fact and enjoying there latte.

I went to a family meal in restaurant and one kids from our party was actually going to tables asking dinners what it was they were eating and crawling under the seats, while mum and dad was getting pissed. It's not about children should be seen and not heard but rather children need to know how to behave when eating out- so not to spoil the experience for every one.

Makes me feel sorry for them really, people making passive aggressive remarks. I hope I'm not grumpy and disparaging about the young when I get older.

Everyone dislikes kids misbehaving and parents not doing anything about it.

But a lot of it is people just disliking kids full stop. And looking for any opportunity to moan. Also parents get more criticism these days than at any time in history, I think. No wonder people get paranoid and do loud parenting etc.

You misunderstand - the oldies were enjoying themselves

Don't rain on their parade you gave them something to moan about and feel justifiably put out about - it doesn't get any better for the average grump. Somewhere to put all that bitterness

I get this all the time in the very middle class older population town I live in. When we go out as a family on a weekday when DH not at work, the tutting and passive aggressive comments double (mostly about benefit scrounges). So much judgement on a snap shot. I think it's ignorance personally.

I am not sure i have ever seen so many assumptions gathered together in one place.

I love going out and seeing kids behave in restaurants. If im staring, its because Im admiring their good.manners and ability to behave. I then look.at my own 2yo licking the table and hope

It doesnt make them bad Children neither just because their Parents have had the audacity to take their Children out and treat them . OP has already stated her Children were behaving. Yes Children can behave in a certain way but if they are never put into certain Social Situations. I.e going out for Dinner. At what point are they meant to have chance to learn the Social Niceties?

I don't see what your problem is OP if your children were behaving as well as you say they were.

i have a child but I still don't like other peoples children when they don't behave!

True, but there are very few adult only places now so very difficult to avoid children - so even if you don't like them, you have no choice but to be around them. If there were adult only places, then that would be the best of both worlds - families could eat out without the tutting and the adults could eat out without being annoyed.

this is just the flip side of the "children shouldn't eat in pubs" threads.

next we could get "why don't childless people shop at midnight"

"old people shouldn't eat in child friendly places"

its a same that respect doesn't run both ways or in some cases in any direction at all.