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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Children and savings

87 replies

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:36

I don't know how I feel about this and don't know if I'm being silly. I have several godchildren. They all get the same gifts at Christmas and birthdays. However one of them has a sibling wh has other godparents. My godson gets the same cash gift as the other godchildren. His sister doesn't get the same amount as she isn't my godchild. Does that make sense ? I do gve her cash just not as much. Last night their mum told me that since the girl was born she has taken any money I have given my godson and shared it between them both. Then put it into savings for them. I don't know if I feel happy about that. In fact I am considering cutting down the amount I give them both to be honest. Aibu.

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moustachio · 24/08/2013 09:43

my brother was christened and I wasn't. When we were children (under 21... I'm now 23...) We both got cards from them as they were parents friends and presents. But he would also get 'godson' cards and an extra present. I assume they're friends kids so you love them the same, but yes as a godchild I'd make an extra effort!

binger · 24/08/2013 09:43

As a mother of 2 I expect my children to be treated fairly and equally. My children have God parents and they do not make differences between them but then they are also aunts/uncles so perhaps that has a bearing.

I have one God son and he's treated the same as my other nieces/nephews. I think siblings particularly should be treated the same.

moustachio · 24/08/2013 09:45

I would write a cheque to your godchild in their name, so it goes in their own account.

Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:49

I thought about doing the cheque thing but my friend asked me not to. I don't treat them the same as the little girl has godparents of her own. I don't know how generous they are I didn't ask. My theory was that as a godparent I had more responsibility so to speak towards the little boy. As a gift for his christening I bought a premium bond. I didn't buy the little girl one. She had a generic gift for her christening. However I have also being informed that the winning from the bond will also be shared. This is sitting really badly with me. Surely if I buy a gift or gift cash it should be given to the person it is intended for.

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Sirzy · 24/08/2013 09:49

TBH I would always treat my friends children equally god child or not. I find it quite petty to do otherwise.

My friend has 4 children, I am god mother to 1 but I spend on all of them equally

Ragwort · 24/08/2013 09:49

I think it is entirely reasonable to treat a God-child differently, it never even dawned on me to give my God-children' siblings presents - unless they are neices or nephews.

I am christened but my DBs were not, I got presents/outings etc with my God-parents and they didn't, they understood that I had a 'special' friendship with my God-parents. My God-mother still sends me birthday and christmas gifts of money and I am in my 50s .

I would be miffed if my 'friend' shared the money between a God-child and a sibling, depending on how well you get on with her you could gently ask her why she asked you to be a God-parent and what exactly she expects from the role (easier said than done I know).

Sirzy · 24/08/2013 09:50

Responsibility as a god parent is nothing to do with buying presents.

Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:50

Also Binger I think if they were nephew and niece they would maybe get the same.

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Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:51

No sirzy I do realise its not to do with money. However I see giving money for savings as part of his future. I do also take him places and see him on regular occasions. My question was though about money not my other duties.

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Sirzy · 24/08/2013 09:52

But by treating them differently with regards to present then you are making it to do with money and presents which seems to go completely against the idea of a god parent IMO.

Ragwort · 24/08/2013 09:52

Doesn't this just mean that children will get inundated with gifts/cash? If, for example, you have three children - therefore three different sets of God-parents, that is an awful lot of 'extra' presents for children to receive, surely being a God-parent is much more than just the 'presents' received otherwise this all sounds very materialistic.

** I agree it is different if the God-parents are relatives.

Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:53

Ragwort I asked her that when I was asked she replied that she liked my theory on life and wanted me to be a special person on her sons life. I can't figure out why this is bothering me so much. I think it's because I'm giving a gift that someone is deciding what to do with maybe.

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Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:54

But I treat them differently anyway sirzy. I don't take the daughter out. In fact I hardly know her.

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Ragwort · 24/08/2013 09:55

Cravey - it would seriously bother me too, I think it is very unreasonable of your friend to share the gifts with the sibling; perhaps you should put the money on one side and just give a 'token' present to the God-child and then give them the money when they reach 18/21 - although not sure how straightforward this is tax-wise?

Sirzy · 24/08/2013 09:56

But if you are close enough friends with someone to be god parent to one of their children surely you would want to buy birthday/christmas presents for their children whether you were a god parent or not?

It must be hard for children to understand that x has got £20 and they have only got £10. That basically tells them that one is deemed more important than the other (in a childs eyes)

Sirzy · 24/08/2013 09:57

I find that really sad, basically you will only make an effort with the child because you have the 'god parent' role not just because its your friends child. That would piss me off more than the money TBH.

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 09:59

I think you are being unreasonable treating them differently at all. I have 4 nephews, godmother to one and they all get the same.

Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 09:59

I do buy the sister a token gift despite hardly knowing her. I was asked to be godparent and took that on board when saying yes. However she didn't ask me for the little girl which is cool. So my theory is I have more responsibility for my god child. I have spoken to other godchildrens parents to see what they think and they are slightly shocked that the little girl is being given money which is not intended for her. I am beginning to think though that its maybe my issue. I think the only way round it is to cut down on gifts and just give them both a token gift.

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Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 10:00

But these kids aren't family. I hardly know the little girl so why should I treat them the same.

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Mia4 · 24/08/2013 10:01

I personally think being a godparent isn't about giving more money and presents, it's about being there for him when he needs it in person. At least that's what I value my godparents for. I don't see anything wrong with what the mum's doing, especially as she's likely to do the same if her daughters GPs give extra.

From the perspective of someone who saw her youngest sibling who wasn't christened or baptised end up with hardly anything in a fund because she had no godparents I think it can make things between them-at a much later date- seem unfair. I know the baby of our family feels like she's the 'less loved' because she ended up with so little. For myself, I'd always split money between kids of a same age. Obviously if one's born a lot before I wouldn't transfer money, but I'd put into the one with less' account to match it.

Why don't you give him a small memento along with (a lower if you want) amount of cash between them?

ILetHimKeep20Quid · 24/08/2013 10:02

Why do you hardly know the girl? You're close enough to be asked to be godmother for one but don't even see the other?

Mia4 · 24/08/2013 10:02

How do you barely know the girl but not the boy OP? Isn't the mum a good friend? Do you barely know the boy too now but buy more because the Godparent name?

Bellini28 · 24/08/2013 10:03

I actually think she doesn't have the right to do that, obviously she can but it is wrong. The godparent godchild relationship is special and independent of the parents/siblings etc. plus the sister has her own godparents!! I find all of this treat everyone equally stuff rather tiresome... My dd has godparents and my new dd will have another set. What either choose to gift to my daughters is entirely between them and their god daughters. I cannot imagine 'sharing' out cash that was given for my elder to my younger or vice versa. YADNBU.

HappyMummyOfOne · 24/08/2013 10:03

I would be annoyed too, a gift is meant for the person not to be shared because the parent wants to. If mum wants to make it equal she should make up the difference herself.

I'd stick to an actual gift in future and not cash or save it for him and give it to him in the form of driving lessons etc when he turns 17.

Original poster

Cravey · 24/08/2013 10:03

Sirzy hang on a second. Lets get this into perspective. I live several hundred miles away from this family. I lived close by when the boy was born had moved away when the girl came along. Therefore I don't know this girl. She doesn't know me. That's the reason why they are treated differently. I'm certainly not some evil nasty little girl hating person. I make the effort to send a token gift to the girl. However I'm not her godparent. I am the boys.

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