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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To resent dp being unfair?

89 replies

annabanana84 · 21/08/2013 18:56

ok, first of all Dp and I both work full-time, although he puts in a 12 hour day, whereas mine is an 8 hour day.

I don't drive, dp drives for his job.

I do every single bit of the housework, and despite hectic schedules, I manage to keep the house in quite a clean and tidy state, although dp's shoddiness can often make it look untidy even after I've spent my whole day off cleaning it. I asked him to start doing the vacuuming every other day, but he hasn't lifted a finger. When I say I do everything, I mean everything, oh, but because dp does stay in bed longer than I do one day a week, he makes the bed.

I've got used to doing all the housework and all and don't generally mind too much, but today I feel tired and to avoid the two-hour-long bus journey home, I asked dp to pick me up on his way home from work. He would have to come 5 miles out of his way for this, but seeing as he lives in a fucking hotel like the prince of Sheba, I thought he might like to do this for me. He said he wouldn't though. Ffs, I am pissed off now. It's not the first time he's refused to collect me. On average I only ask him around once every few months to pick me up. Everytime it's a no. I suppose I should learn by now not to ask.

OP posts:
annabanana84 · 21/08/2013 18:59

And I do the cooking too because dp forgets I'm a vegan and leaves the kitchen a complete shit tip afterwards. We've been together for years! How can he forget im a vegan! He came home last night with a cookie for me...with milk and eggs in!

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/08/2013 19:02

He's a twat for not picking you up.

He's also a twat for being a lazy git around the house.

Have you been together long?

noisytoys · 21/08/2013 19:03

This must be the 50th thread I've read where people are being treated by crap by their DP's. LTB, be happy, know that you deserve better.

ViviPru · 21/08/2013 19:04

Tell us what's great about him....

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/08/2013 19:05

I suppose I should learn by now not to ask.

For goodness sake OP Angry, don't talk like that, you're not a doormat and don't start thinking like one.

AnnieLobeseder · 21/08/2013 19:07

Why? Just, why? It's bad enough that he has no respect for you, but how about having some respect for yourself? You're a person, his partner, not a doormat or a skivvy. What possible reason could there be for allowing him to treat you like this?

gamerchick · 21/08/2013 19:07

So you both work
you do everything
he refuses to do anything to make your life a bit easier?

either have a come to jesus conversation with him and tell him that you can't do it all and he has to pitch in.

Or stop doing everything. Don't do his laundry, any mess put into a black sack and put on his side of the bed, I would say stop cooking but the mess would give me a twitch.

Just stop and let him fend for himself.

AnnieLobeseder · 21/08/2013 19:10

I mean seriously, apart from Not Being Single, the greatest of all horrors for women, apparently Hmm, what value can these cocklodging, lazy arsed men possibly be bringing to the lives of their female drudges?

Anyone?

ViviPru · 21/08/2013 19:11

come to jesus conversation

I have never heard this turn of phrase!

LEMisdisappointed · 21/08/2013 19:16

Well he must be amazing in bed thats all i can say!

MadameLeBean · 21/08/2013 19:19

Demand change
Go on strike
If that doesn't work
LTB

annabanana84 · 21/08/2013 19:21

Well, there are some good points about him, but I find myself more frustrated with him, than happy and cotent. For instance, he'll come in with a carrier of shopping and will lay it out on the counter rather than put it away. Despite me asking him to put it all away, only half will actually go away, and the other half will remain on the counter top. Why?!?!?! Same with the washing up. On the rare occasion he will do it, he'll wash and put away all, apart from two or three spoons or something like that.

There are good points to him. He takes me away a lot, and takes me for nice meals. He's quite caring and considerate and loving, and he's a kind person for the most part.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 21/08/2013 19:22

get a taxi? If he can live like a King so can you...

HandMini · 21/08/2013 19:22

And if you do have a "how to split the housework evenly" conversation, you may need to be a little more relaxed about standard of housework. Dont think "only I can do this to an acceptable standard".

grobagsforever · 21/08/2013 19:22

And you put up with this why?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 21/08/2013 19:23

You've complained about him before earlier in the year and he's still a lazy git.

Nothings changed , has it?

GrandstandingBlueTit · 21/08/2013 19:24

He's not 'caring' and 'considerate' though. Confused

How can you say he is?

I don't understand how men like these find partners in the first place, never mind ones who are actually willing to stay with them... :(

annabanana84 · 21/08/2013 19:26

The sex is ok LEM. Often he's too tired to do anything when I unleash my sexual beast on him! In the early days we shagged every day! It's gone down to a poultry once a week! Blah!

OP posts:
littlewhitebag · 21/08/2013 19:27

Would he save you that nightmare journey by driving 5 extra miles each day you work? If so he is an arse if he doesn't do this for you. He is an even bigger arse if he wouldn't even do this as a one off.

wigglesrock · 21/08/2013 19:27

I can't get over the fact he doesn't pick you up as a matter of course Angry

I must be fucking desperately out of touch, we've always shared stuff in the house - I'm not staff. To be honest I don't even know how this situations begin, where one person seems to have responsibility for the house. My husbands mother taught him better than that.

I know I'm not being helpful but fuck me it's a sad state of affairs when someone you're supposed to share a life with can't give you a lift.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2013 19:28

He doesn't sound caring and considerate to me either grandstanding

TBH he sounds the exact opposite. Like a selfish inconsiderate git

CreatureRetorts · 21/08/2013 19:29

Sorry I am confused.

How long does it take to drive 5 miles in a car?

What does he do which is kind, careful and considerate exactly?

I think you have low standards.

CreatureRetorts · 21/08/2013 19:30

It would be about a ten minute detour to get you.

What a fucker.

LEMisdisappointed · 21/08/2013 19:33

Refusing to come and pick you up when it would take him five minutes and save you a two hour journey doesn't read as caring and considerate to me! Honestly, i would be really upset and hurt if my DP wouldn't do this for me. I don't drive and he would often pick me up from work even though he would often be home long before me, it was a half hour round trip but it meant i didn't have to wait on a lonely university campus in the dark so he came to fetch me, i never even had to ask.

LEMisdisappointed · 21/08/2013 19:34

What did he say when he said no? what were his reasons?