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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely sick of being the local unpaid childminder?

109 replies

gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 18:29

I suspect I might be ranting because the 5 day course of antibiotics I've just had have given me raging thrush, the abscess that I was taking them for has flared up the day after finishing the course and my temp is rising by the minute but grrrr.

I currently have 2 different sibling sets in my house, who were waiting outside for ds1&2 when I got home from work at 4. I have just been informed from 1 set that their mum has 'popped out' and their dad has gone to footy. The second set are pretty much left to their own devices and their cheeky fecker of a mum has said in the past 'I trust you with them as I know you are advanced CRB and police checked' because of my job. I have been at work all day, I'm making tea for my 3 dc's and they are doing my head in. I'm just Hmm that you would ship your kids off for over 2 hours and 1. Not check on them and 2. Go out! Eldest is 10, youngest 4. AIBU & miserable or are they taking the piss

OP posts:
Bumblebee333 · 21/08/2013 20:20

how rude of her!

expatinscotland · 21/08/2013 20:21

Next time they are on the doorstep, send them back to theirs.

Ditto the younger ones.

Don't let them in.

pigletmania · 21/08/2013 20:22

My goidness you are too nice, they are just so rude. I would have told the mum your rates when she said sh trusted you as you are CRB checked and working the field

LEMisdisappointed · 21/08/2013 20:22

Well hopefully that will be the last you see of them!

Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:24

It was my fault for assuming that both the mum and the children had some kind of agreement that they would return home when it was convenient for me or when it was my 3 dc's teatime. I will check it out at work tomorrow but I'm pretty sure that safeguarding wouldn't see that the children were in immediate risk if harm or danger. As I have a statutory requirement to ensure children's safety I'm pretty sure I would have been culpable as a professional to send them out of my care into the community if something happened to them. At least I've now been forced to check this gap in my knowledge.

OP posts:
StephenFrySaidSo · 21/08/2013 20:24

well it didn't go badly tbf OP- she said fine. end of.

ShakeAndVac · 21/08/2013 20:24

What kind of parents both bog off out and leave their 10 year old at home?
I have a nearly 10 year old. There's NO WAY I'd just let him be turfed out and had an 'oh well, he could have just waited on the steps' attitude.
Seriously. That's disgraceful.

Whoknowswhocares · 21/08/2013 20:25

"Social care's contact centre would NFA it immediately because their mum had left them in the care of a responsible adult. Even though she hadn't got consent from me she had taken reasonable steps in their eyes to safeguard her dc's. "
That is the most shocking thing on this thread. What chance do the poor kids have if the idiots in charge have such low standards? Makes me wonder what exactly constitutes neglect

LookingThroughTheFog · 21/08/2013 20:26

Really? You would all really send away a 4 and 6 year old if you didn't think there was a parent at home? Really?

Even phoning the police is like a sledgehammer to crack a nut. I'd make sure they were safe, get increasingly pissed off, and then tell their parents not to do it again.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2013 20:26

So you said yes when your child asked if they could come in.

They had mobile phones on them

I imagine they phoned or sent a text to their parents telling them where they were...then the parents went out for a couple of hours knowing they were happy playing.

They should have checked with you, but this whole story is sounding quite different to what i understood from your OP and thread title.

Even regarding the 4 and 6yr old.

Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:30

who knows don't quote that as law its just something that we see regularly as a result of core assessment/ child protection plans they have to take steps to safeguard their dc's safety and leaving them with a responsible adult has been seen as that. As I say I am going to check it out because I'm not sure. If it was the 4 & 6 year old friend wouldn't be ?

OP posts:
diddl · 21/08/2013 20:30

So the younger pair had a parent at home & you could have sent them home at any time?

Did the 10yr olds come to you because both parents were out, or did the mother go out because they were at yours iyswim?

I know you should have been asked, but maybe one said "we playing on bikes outside gerts, so she said OK, she'd shop?

thebody · 21/08/2013 20:31

round here the kids come and go into each others houses and when it's tea time or inconvenient parents just shoo out.

I would assume like anyone normal that a 10 year old had a responsible adult at their home. I wouldn't think to check.

the parents sound awful.

Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:32

worra I said yes when I knew they couldn't go home. Really you think its reasonable to dump your kids in someone without checking then go to the supermarket? Really. And you think I'm UR for being annoyed and concerned. Staggering.

OP posts:
lagoonhaze · 21/08/2013 20:34

Actually you have a statutory obligation to ensure you report it.

Take advise from your supervisor or make a referal.

Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:35

thebidy that's it. The frequency and the not checking;on the 4&6 year old annoys me but I know their mum is in. What goes into puss taking territory is when they go out without checking with the adult whose house/garden they are in.

OP posts:
Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:36

I have supervision tomorrow lagoon so will check.

OP posts:
Original poster
gertrudetrain · 21/08/2013 20:39

Also worra they are exactly the 2 points I made at the end if my OP so I haven't changed the situation at all.

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 21/08/2013 20:47

Next time she does this - get the child to call the mum on her mobile, say to the mum she has 15 minutes to come to collect them or to arrange another adult to arrive or you're calling the police, who will call social services, because as far as you are concerned, she's abandoned her children without anyone to care for them. If she tells them to go home where there is no adult, you'll call the police as she's left them without care because you will not take responsbility for her DCs.

The police might not actually do anything, but I would put money on her not knowing that. I also reckon she'll arrive home pretty sharpish when faced with that.

oh, and call the police if she's not turned up, they at least will come and give her a bollocking.

Do not let them in your house again.

mercibucket · 21/08/2013 20:48

she neither asked nor expected you to look after the 10 year olds though, they were playing out while she went shopping. 2 hours does sound a bit on the long side for a quick shop, but apart from that i'm not seeing a particular problem, we all do that round here, in non-mumsnet world

mercibucket · 21/08/2013 20:50

mind you, i usually give them a key!

MariaLuna · 21/08/2013 21:00

When did you become a doormat for this sort of behaviour from your family?

Time to put your foot down. You may need assertiveness counselling though cos most likely it's a family dynamic.

Do it. You need to learn where your personal boundaries are. You owe it to yourself and DC.

You are NOT the family fixer!

You are already ill which shows you are running yourself ragged. Please stop and take stock.

magentastardust · 21/08/2013 21:00

It's not really okay or normal I wouldn't think to leave 10 year olds from 4 o clock after school to 7.30pm to do a supermarket shop! Even with a key I think 10 is a bit young to be left alone surely nevermind to be left on the street or to go to whoever elses house especially without checking. I guess they did have mobiles on them but still..

2rebecca · 21/08/2013 21:10

I'd start going to after school activities or walks with your kids and not return home until later, plus get used to locking your doors and not allowing other kids in your house uninvited for a couple of months.

ShakeAndVac · 21/08/2013 21:10

she neither asked nor expected you to look after the 10 year olds though, they were playing out while she went shopping. 2 hours does sound a bit on the long side for a quick shop, but apart from that i'm not seeing a particular problem, we all do that round here, in non-mumsnet world

Really? Really, really?! You're saying you don't see anything wrong with disappearing off to do a shop while your 10 year old is out on the streets?
I must be living in a parallel universe here then as there's no way that's the norm in my book.

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