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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to punch the mother I saw yesterday getting baby's ear's pierced?

477 replies

ElleBelly · 21/08/2013 11:59

Was in Claire's Accessories yesterday with my 4yo daughter, and there was a Mum getting baby's ear's pierced. Bab must have been about six months, and was screaming her head off, made me feel sick. Cannot for the life of me understand why people put their children through that at that age. It's so cruel. And mother was laughing with friends about it! Have got DS second lot of imms this week and dreading it, pathetic,over emitional,hormone befuddled woman I am, and just think its so wrong to put a baby through that pain uneccessarily.
Sorry for the rant but I so wanted to give her a slap.

OP posts:
Rooners · 22/08/2013 18:14

Coming to this late, I'd just like to say that what is described in the OP is, imho, abusive.

As you were.

EeTraceyluv · 22/08/2013 18:16

God I wish could I get my dd to have short hair. She loves it long - and yes it is a tedious pan in the arse to have to brush it and detangle it. I would love her to agree to have it cut.

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 18:23

So why do parents insist on imposing on girls (some boys) as soon as their hair starts to grow? Babies and toddlers probably couldn't care less and I would imagine hate the extra faff. sure some cry and even struggle going through their hair routine.

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 18:23

Don't we all control our DCs in some way or the other? Physically, mentally, you may not even think of it as control. If, hypothetically, your DD were to wear a full face of make up at say, 10 yeArs, would you not put your foot down? Is that not control?

And I don't understand this issue of consent. I honestly don't. If a child grows up in a smoking enviorment, do the smokers in the house ask for consent?

I am not advocating anyone to strap down their children to get their ears pierced. As I said upthread, with my daughter, I had to go away and come back another day, because the first time she was too distressed. Parents should just use their judgement and discretion. Shouting abuse is a bit idiotic.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 18:48

Ghanagirl your comment that I probably look down on people from other social and ethnic groups is downright offensive and way out of line. So the implication is that I am racist because I don't think it's right to hold a baby down and shoot holes in its ears?

As many others have pointed out, just because something is traditional does not make it right. It does not make me a racist to say I don't like it and you are ridiculous for implying that. I suppose it's a neat way of shutting down debate though isn't it?

And you have absolutely no need to feel sorry for my children as I do not have any. But if I did they would not have pierced ears as tiny babies.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 22/08/2013 18:50

Bling that's ridiculous: it doesn't cause pain not to cut their hair!

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 19:01

littlemog you did say it was terrible and nasty. And you wondered about the parents' motives. You are casting some huge aspersions there.

Since a significant proportion of parents who pierce their child's ears belong to other cultures, by extension, are they terrible and nasty too? You can't blame Ghanagirl for taking it the wrong way...

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 19:07

Ahh, no children. Explains it

Wuxiapian · 22/08/2013 19:07

Tis what I said way up thread, Rooners.

And, it's always a certain type of person you see inflicting this nonsense on their poor offspring.

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 19:08

Pain, huh? Children dying in their sleep in Syria, that's real pain. What have we as women done to reach out? We are here on forums carping at each other.

But yes, I understand watching a child in pain can be distressing. Which means we should be talking about Claires and how they can train their staff and if anything can be done like using a local anaesthetic or something. what does it benefit if we are sitting here judging cultural, religious mores and saying " ah, we don't give a shiny shite".

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 19:11

You think little girls need all the extra faff that goes with long hair? You think when they are very little that they enjoy the extra time it takes to wash long hair, untangle it brush it, dry it and put it in bunches, fancy ribbons or plaits, harder to treat for nits, can be more dangerous if caught in stuff - while their brothers just skip off. Are you saying little girls never cry or struggle or protest at all this? TBh, a few seconds of ear piercing compared to years of hair routine is actually less stressful and the lesser of the two.

Fine when the child is older and can decide for themselves that they want long hair and all the extra work and sometimes pain that goes with it but in the meantime it is the parents (more often mothers) who are following the culture here and allowing vanity and what looks nice to take priority over what is actually best for a young child.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 19:11

But I think that circumcision is terrible and nasty too. This does not make me anti Jewish or anti Muslim or anti WASP Americans. You cannot call racist just because a person disagrees with a cultural or religious tradition. And maybe these people who practise these traditions are well meaning and lovely but they are also IMO sheeplike and not putting the welfare of their baby first.

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 19:13

Wuxipian - what kind of person? A Spanish or South American parent for example?

littlemog · 22/08/2013 19:14

So in short I think that Ghanagirl was out of line and that her comments re my looking down on people from other ethnicities/social background are personal and offensive.

Plus she has no idea about my own social/ethnic background so is making giant assumptions.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 19:17

theodorakisses would you like to explain your comment re my not having children?

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 19:18

I have tried so hard not to bring Syria into this. But in case you are interested, my best friend lost her sister and aunt yesterday. Her father has been missing for 10 months and her brother since he went looking for him 8 months ago. She has no idea where her mother is or if she is alive as she was sent to a 'safe place' 6 months ago.

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 19:19

Littlemog - maybe you would be one of the sheep and queuing up to get you babies ears pierced if you were from a country where it is normal. Don't like it, discuss it and campaign against it here - nothing wrong with challenging it. But people here are showing a smugness and sense of superiority just because they were born here and not there.

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 19:20

Yes, it is almost too easy to judge parenting from the parapet of perfection

littlemog · 22/08/2013 19:20

That is tragic and must be so difficult for your friend and her family.

I am confused as to what this has to do with tiny babies having their ears pierced.

Also I would appreciate an answer to my question. Thanks.

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 19:21

Sorry to here that Theo - hope your friend gets some good news soon.

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 19:21

Having never experienced it

FreudiansSlipper · 22/08/2013 19:27

It looks absolutely terrible. Nasty. I always feel sorry for the children and wonder about the motives of the parents

is that not what you posted litletmog? so you feel sorry for myself and my cousins, nieces and you also wonder about the motives of our parents

that is quite insulting along with the outcries of its abuse

you may not like the look of pierced ears and think it looks terrible but we do not want your sympathy

RabbitIssue · 22/08/2013 19:29

don't see why a poster not having children matters? So if I'm not elderly nor have any elderly relatives I can't speak out about horrible abuse in some care homes? Confused

and by 'type' I assume the other poster meant 'thick' rather than their race.

Syria is a bad thing, but surely that doesn't mean you can't care about more than one bad thing at a time? If I haven't mentioned Syria on a thread about ear piercing (why would I?!) that doesn't mean I'm not campaigning on that issue too. I can care about many things at once. And before anyone starts again I am not equating ear piercing to the atrocities in Syria

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 19:29

And littlemog don't just conclude that Ghanagirl is offensive, when she is not even here to defend herself.

RabbitIssue · 22/08/2013 19:31

I would feel sorry for the children too, because, to me, it signifies that their parents put aesthetics over the pain of their own children. Not great in my opinion.

Sorry if you find that offensive but we all judge all the time and I would judge those parents, as would many people, whether they say it out loud or not.