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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want to punch the mother I saw yesterday getting baby's ear's pierced?

477 replies

ElleBelly · 21/08/2013 11:59

Was in Claire's Accessories yesterday with my 4yo daughter, and there was a Mum getting baby's ear's pierced. Bab must have been about six months, and was screaming her head off, made me feel sick. Cannot for the life of me understand why people put their children through that at that age. It's so cruel. And mother was laughing with friends about it! Have got DS second lot of imms this week and dreading it, pathetic,over emitional,hormone befuddled woman I am, and just think its so wrong to put a baby through that pain uneccessarily.
Sorry for the rant but I so wanted to give her a slap.

OP posts:

girliefriend · 22/08/2013 14:29

I haven't read all 14 pages but op I agree yanbu.

I would feel the same if i saw it being done and thank God I never had, the thought of it makes me feel sick. How you can deliberately inflict unnecessary pain on your beautiful baby - who trusts you implicitly - is totally beyond my comprehension.

I do appreciate that in some cultures it is totally normal (Spain and South America come to mind) but that doesn't make it right. FGM is the cultural norm in many countries but that doesn't make it any less barbaric.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/08/2013 14:32

my child my rules is never a term that i use do not feel the need to set out rules

i just do not get het up about other peoples choices unless it is abusive and ear piercing is not

i decided to not cut my sons hair short. most boys have shorter hair i have made that decision for him i did not ask his consent i prefer it and now he likes it. his school wants boys to have shorter hair but have given up on that as many parents ignore this rule

people do not give it that much thought, they may have it done as they like the look, maybe tradition. its a little hole in the ear lobe that is all it is not abuse it is not done to cause harm or to control a child in any way

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 14:33

So will you inflict unnecessary, time consuming, possibly more dangerous hairstyles on any girls you might have? Why not just cut all hair for kids short if we are talking about their comfort etc.

Ghanagirl · 22/08/2013 14:33

It's nothing like FGM, get a grip, it's cultural normal in lots of countries, being White and middle-class doesn't give you the right to tell others how to raise their children!

FreudiansSlipper · 22/08/2013 14:33

and as for comparing it FGM how stupid go and read look up about what that is and why it is done

Airwalk79 · 22/08/2013 14:34

I too would have been sickened. Just why?? Would anyone think that's a good look even if you take out the pain thing, it looks awful.

Ghanagirl · 22/08/2013 14:35

FreudiansSlipper, well said!

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 14:35

Air walk - you have probably been conditioned to think it looks awful (jst your opinion) just as others are conditioned to think it looks good.

littlemog · 22/08/2013 14:38

It looks absolutely terrible. Nasty. I always feel sorry for the children and wonder about the motives of the parents.

Ghanagirl · 22/08/2013 14:44

Littlemog you probably look down on those who are from different social or ethnic group from you so I would feel sorry for YOUR children

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 15:41

Ghanagirl, you are fighting a losing battle. Just walk away from this thread. It is just not worth it.

There have been many idiots posters upthread who are coming out all bleeding heart and just don't want to see the issue in a sensible, sensitive light.

PeriodMath · 22/08/2013 16:26

Do you mean posters who don't agree with you?

Tubemole1 · 22/08/2013 16:48

I agree there should be a minimum age, suggest eight?

There are some very extreme views on here. To defend and attack. My view is the child should be old enough to keep own ears clean and be able to look after the earrings themselves. Also should be old enough to know how much it hurts to have done.

I had mine done aged eight in a jewellers near where I used to live. I didn't keep wearing earrings because a lot of them made my earlobes itchy,even gold ones, so now they are virtually closed up. I'm in my mid-30s now.

BlueShirtBlueTie · 22/08/2013 16:56

I'm not a fan of babies getting ears pierced and I certainly wouldn't do it, however I disagree with people who say things like that it should be illegal under 10/under 12. I was 6 when I got my ears pierced which I think was a good age. If I'd have had to wait until I was 10 or 12 I doubt I would have got them done.

Amrapaali · 22/08/2013 17:09

No periodmath just posters who say its vile, nasty or cruel, without taking into consideration, long standing traditions outside the UK.

And the only talk of tradition has descended into FGM and circumcision. While it DOES seem to be the next logical step, people should also understand ear piercing cannot be just neatly classified as good/bad.

RabbitIssue · 22/08/2013 17:17

I don't think anyone is comparing ear piercing with FGM, they are saying that if you say ;it's cultural' then that's a crap 'reason' as it could be the answer to FGM or footbinding for example. These are/were both 'cultural' but no one defends them.

So by saying 'oh my god!!! ear piercing isn't the same as FGM!!!' you are simply demolishing a straw man.

RabbitIssue · 22/08/2013 17:20

Amrapaali - should we bring back footbinding then? That had a long tradition outside the UK. So does bull fighting, cock fighting, bear baiting etc (latter two in the UK too) so shall we reintroduce those?

Tradition does not equal right.

And why can't it be neatly described as good or bad? It's not difficult, negative - pain, shock, no consent, poss scarring, poss infection etc etc
positive - ermm...

MrsOakenshield · 22/08/2013 17:26

but Amrapaali, none of the defenders of ear piercing (the Ear Defenders??) have, to my mind, addressed the fact that, if a human being of older age - yourself, for example, or maybe your granny - was held down, screaming in many cases, to have a hole punched into their anatomy that they they have not given their consent for, which is not for any medical reason. That would be assault, and the perpetrator and anyone involved in faciliating this, would be slung in prison.

But it's fine for a parent to request, and an untrained Claire's empoloyee to do, this to a baby? Whatever your reasoning, surely, if you go down this route, you have to address the fact that you have violated, or at the very least ignored, your baby's body autonomy. An autonomy that an adult would take for granted - I take it you wouldn't best pleased if your mum had your ear pierced without your consent, as an adult?

I couldn't give a shiny shite about religion, 'culture', tradition, class, whatever. It's wrong without consent. And I find it mind-boggling that people need this explaining.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/08/2013 17:27

but what are the reasons for foot binding, fgm they are to control women it is done knowing it causes pain for many many years, it is or was done so that these controlled women were marrying material for men

ear piercing is not about control, it is not about causing pain and taking away freedom or feelings

Dominodonkey · 22/08/2013 17:27

yy rabbit

but apparently anyone who doesn't think sticking holes in children is absolutely fine is an idiotic bleeding heart....

doublemuvver · 22/08/2013 17:33

my dd had her ears pierced last week.she's 5 1/2 and she had it done in dh's country where she is currently on holiday. Ideally she'd have waited a few more years but in dh culture it is the norm. Plus it was nice that DD's grandmother was able to take her seeing as she only sees her once a year. DD is thrilled and it didn't hurt. All good in my book

RabbitIssue · 22/08/2013 17:49

Is it not a control issue then? When you are controlling what happens to another's body, altering it for no medical need? Or pain, it is painful. Or feelings? The child has no say in whether they want piercings or not, their feelings are overridden.

theodorakisses · 22/08/2013 17:54

I do agree about Claire's people. I am currently offshore with mainly Indian and Arabic employees who have mainly had their girl's ears pierced but always has been done by a doctor not a teenage girl. In India the least qualified person is a pharmacist.

FreudiansSlipper · 22/08/2013 18:08

so every decision you make regarding your child is about control

of course not, fgm/foot binding is terribly painful its restricts women that is why it was and still often done

ear piercing at times may cause an infection which can be painful and is not nice, the piercing can be painful (a quick pain) but it is not designed to restrict women or to cause them

BlingBang · 22/08/2013 18:09

So who has little girls with long hair and why did you make them grow it long when it would be better for them to have short hair?

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