Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

would you go on holiday with friends who are very rich if you are not?

42 replies

Lilacroses · 20/08/2013 21:02

We have some really lovely friends/neighbours. Our Dc get along really well, so well that we recently took their Dd on holiday with us for a few days. They have often said that they would love us to go with them to their holiday home in europe (sorry, don't want to give too many details, being discrete). Now they are talking about dates and wanting to book flights. We really like them, enjoy spending time with them, bbqs, nights out etc, dinners at each other's houses etc but they are extremely well off (massive house, kids at private school, 5 or 6 holidays a year) and I am concerned that if we go on holiday with them it will be really awkward. I am worried that they will want to go to expensive places to eat or that they will order very expensive wine or whatever and want to split the bill.

They are very kind generous people and if they knew I was worrying about this they would feel really upset but I don't want to be in a situation where they feel they have to pay for us!

There's no way round this really is there? Other than making some sort of excuse?

OP posts:

Beaverfeaver · 20/08/2013 21:03

Yes I would.

Money shouldn't be an issue

exoticfruits · 20/08/2013 21:06

I wouldn't. I think you need to be sure that you are on similar budgets.

Bearbehind · 20/08/2013 21:06

That's a bit naive beaver money will clearly be an issue if one family can afford a lot more than the other can.

It's not insurmountable but it does need to be discussed in advance so you can make a decision on whether or not to go.

VisualCharades · 20/08/2013 21:07

they sound like lovely people you sound like lovely people.
talk to them- be very clear and direct about your concerns and discuss how you think you can get around it.
I'm sure in this case you can find a way without it being awkward. or if you think they really wouldnt "get it" make an excuse.

Bowlersarm · 20/08/2013 21:07

Presumably if it's their holiday home that won't cost you too much therefore freeing up your money for spending?

Beaverfeaver · 20/08/2013 21:08

To ad: if they are nice people they won't be doing anything to make you uncomfortable.

People who are well off might worry about going away with people who are not well off for similar reasons as they may not be able to enjoy themselves as much as they normally would

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/08/2013 21:08

It will be an issue so needs discussing before you go. But then it will still be an issue if you are worried about money and they aren't.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/08/2013 21:10

I find that really wealthy people frequently don't splash the cash as much as you would think. That's how they stay rich. Talk to them about expectations. I've gone on holiday with very rich friends and it doesn't matter. As long as you have talked first.

Shlurpbop · 20/08/2013 21:13

What a silly reply beaver...
If money is short then it will be an issue!

waltzingmathilda · 20/08/2013 21:14

You need to have the conversation before you go on holiday.

I have some ludicrously wealthy friends who insist on splurging every time we are out - I've had to call a halt to it because I'm not a mumper and I find it embarrassing not being allowed to pay my way.

Original poster

Lilacroses · 20/08/2013 21:15

Thanks all, yes, they are really, really lovely. They are generous to a fault but also I don't want them to be paying for us the whole time, well I wouldn't let them obviously. You are right though Beaver I don't want to curtail their holiday in any way by being on a budget. Think I might have to pass. The whole thing is making me cringe just thinking about it! From what I can gather they tend to holiday with other very well off families although they have friends from all kinds of backgrounds.

OP posts:

Trills · 20/08/2013 21:16

I would be very wary of going on holiday with other people in general.

Even if you are going on holiday with people who you think have the same attitudes to money and same amount of money as you - you should always discuss these things BEFORE going.

Josieannathe2nd · 20/08/2013 21:16

I think a friendly chat with them to set money expectations is important before you book anything. It can work fine but not if you are worrying about it. And to be clear up front about how food shops will be split, whether they want to eat out all the time or not. We also have a chat with friends before we go away about general holiday expectations e.g. do they expect to stay on the beach all day or be off sightseeing, do we want to do everythong together or not & then.helps make things run smoothly too.

Sophita · 20/08/2013 21:17

I think that any time people go on holiday together, it's worth having a proper chat about the budget and the details in advance - so it shouldn't be any different just because there's more of a gap between what those budgets might be!

Maybe just say that because you've already had a holiday this year, you'd have to be quite careful with funds - so you might not want to eat out every night, but would they be happy for you to cook them a special meal while you're there? Also, if they visit this home several times a year, they might be more in that mood anyway and use it as a place to relax rather than a base from which to visit lots of expensive attractions?

Either way, much less embarrassing to have a chat and then a lovely holiday than to make up excuses and miss out!

joanofarchitrave · 20/08/2013 21:18

YES i would! give them credit,they are nice, let them enjoy your company. Be reasonably straight with them, book the dates and then have a discussion, say something about wanting to talk about what you both enjoy on holiday so there's no rows; say that you would love to cook them all a meal one evening, but in general you will be looking to keep things very simple and have picnic lunches, eat at home and go to the beach/lake etc.

TBH just because they are rich doesn't mean they will necessarily want to spend a fortune on activities, they may have to spend much of the time making phone calls to plumbers etc anyway if it's their house. If they bring a really expensive wine, just say 'wow that looks amazing, have you had it before? I have to say it's out of our price range, do you mind if we just get some house white for us?'

Sophita · 20/08/2013 21:19

PS: loads of posts while I was writing that one, but just to add that maybe it is embarrassing for them that they have accepted your hospitality on behalf of their DD, but you don't feel able to accept theirs?

VerySmallSqueak · 20/08/2013 21:19

I think if you know them well enough to go on holiday with them,you should know them well enough to be comfortable discussing this with them.
I wouldn't go if I didn't,or wasn't able, to discuss the finances with them in advance,but I definitely would if I could and we could reach common agreement.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 20/08/2013 21:21

It would be silly not to go.

They are lovely - just talk to them. They aren't stupid, they know you don't have the money they have. Quite possibly they spend 90% of the time self catering and the other 10% at the local taverna.

Stop being silly, risking missing out on a fab time and just bloody talk to them

marriedinwhiteisback · 20/08/2013 21:22

I think you just need to talk to them. They will probably be aware and sensitive.

We have a holiday home in europe and have just come back. We were away for 16 nights and had lunch out three times; dinner twice - one dinner for 4 was 100 euros. We don't do big ticket stuff on holiday.

Have a chat with them and be straight - you might be pleasantly surprised. We spent 2k, including petrol and tolls, a bit of riding for dd and scuba/windsurfing for ds (two adults; two teenagers). Don't know if that's helpful - just trying to give some perspective.

WafflyVersatile · 20/08/2013 21:23

I'd just try to be truthful with them. Say you're not sure that you can afford the holiday. Ask if they think x amount will be sufficient as that is your budget.

WafflyVersatile · 20/08/2013 21:26

Did they give you money for their DC's keep on holiday?

If not then a few treats from them would not be out of order.

BrokenSunglasses · 20/08/2013 21:26

If they are lovely people, then bite the bullet and discuss it with them. There is no shame in being on a tighter budget than another family, try to be open and honest with them.

They might be happy to curtail the expensive restaurants and stick to a budget on what you spend in the villa. It sounds like you know them well enough that they are likely to be aware that they have a higher income as you, so it's not going to come as a surprise to them.

I think it would be really sad if you turned down a opportunity that could give you a lovely holiday and nice memories just because they have money. They would probably be a bit hurt to know that you didn't want to go away with them based soley on their income.

McNewPants2013 · 20/08/2013 21:27

I would just be honest to them.

If you was my friend my suggestion would be for you to pay for meals in while I paid for meal out.

the main thing would be to have a holiday with a friend.

Original poster

Lilacroses · 20/08/2013 21:28

Lots of good advice. I know what you mean Sophita, I was all ready for them to invite our dd to go with them sometime but didn't expect them to invite us all. I suppose I am just generally a bit worried about the money but also that they might have lots of very posh friends that I will feel awkward around.....god, I hate myself for writing that but I am not posh, have never been skiing etc!!!!!

OP posts:

BikeRunSki · 20/08/2013 21:28

I would decline discreetly, for all the reasons in the OP. I would be stressed the whole time.

Flip

1 2