Dh and I have been married 10yrs and have 3 dcs aged 8,5,2.
We have always had a firey relationship ie blazing rows before we had kids but they were a rare thing balanced by a strong relationship. We've had some rough times, dh has been diagnosed with depression after his family rejected me and tried to sabotage our relationship (offered me money to not marry him etc) but mainly from his work and he left a bullying boss recently. He had a nervous breakdown last year after bring made redundant. He doesn't cope well with family life says he is 'married with kids when he should be having fun' to quote the song. It also idolises the children and is great with them 90% of the time........
Since his depression started (2yrs) he has been short fused, he put me in a head lock one night and swung me round the room - I hit him back then called the police but he ripped the phone out of the wall. The police arrived anyway and gave him a warning. I then asked him to stay at his parents for a while which he did. He then started losing it with the kids mainly when they are naughty he can't control himself and has picked them up by the shoulders and shook them, has thrown them down on the bed etc. never hits them but 'man handles' them. He mainly picks on ds 5. He flicks his ear, shouts at him, shakes him, grabs him by the arm which has left marks. Yesterday I was working from home and was on the phone to a client ds comes to the office room and dh says no don't go in there ds ignores him next thing ds is screaming and dh has lost shouting at him ds is on the floor with a big hand print under his armpit where dh grabbed him. Dh said he was stopping him coming in.
This behaviour is 10% of the time. The rest of the time I couldn't wish for a better dad to the kids or husband. He plays with them takes them to soft play etc.
I told him to get anger mgt counselling or he would have to leave that was a year ago. He's having the counselling and it got better but its started again.
I told his parents and they said he's never been like that until I came along. They told me they would want custody of the three dcs and they are top drs so would hire a top solicitor.
Dh is terrified I will leave him. I've told him to stay away this week. I'm not a shrinking violet, I have told him it has to stop or he lives away and sees the kids at weekends. I've started logging times and photos of what he's done to the children and I can't let him keep doing this, I have to protect them.
My friend says I'm over reacting that dh is lovely and its obviously depression related. Dh is mortified and says he hates himself and that he is gutted. My mum and sister say its sad but I have to do something.
I'm on mat leave but a out to go back to work, I have no money but will have shortly.
I feel like running away with the kids. I am so soul destroyed. Please fellow mums - help me. What should I do?
Have also posted in relationships as new to this.