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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be rather horrified with what my friend has just said re premature babies?

116 replies

EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 22:08

She's one of my customers actually, but we do get along.

Anyway, she has just came to my house to pick up her ironing. She's just had a baby, and i was asking the usual "How are you?" "How's baby?" "You look exhausted very well" etc etc.

Then we got chatting about how there seems to be a wee 'baby boom' in our town at the moment. She said she's knows of three premature babies born in the past month and she's so jealous of their mothers.

'They don't have to do night feeds'
'They get to skip the horrible new born first weeks'
'They get to sleep'
'They get to carry on as normal with their lives'
'They can choose how often they want to visit their baby'
'They have 24/7 nannies (nurses, i presume she meant!)'

Now, one of the women she was talking about is actually a mutual acquaintance. And i know that she is torn to pieces about her premature son being in the hospital. She was diagnosed with some sort of heart condition around 30 weeks andd her son had to be delivered asap.

Yesterday she posted on FB that she's absolutely gutted she can't visit her baby today because she's feeling a bit queasy and doesn't want to risk infecting her son.

My customer friend commented on this tonight, "I wish i had someone to just hand my baby over to when i was feeling a bit sick."

I'm pretty gobsmacked and angry that I couldn't say anything more. I just said things like 'I'm sure these parents would much rather their babies healthy and home with them' etc, but i tried to keep my voice reasonable/civil - not snapping at her.

She seemed very causal throughout her wee rant, and said it in a half-jokey way. I'm aware of the fact she could possibly have PND or is just genuinely sleep-deprived, but am i right to be a bit taken aback? The world's gone mad if people are genuinely envious of parent with premature babies. Sad

OP posts:
Hobblethwaite · 19/08/2013 22:09

She's a dick.

HumphreyCobbler · 19/08/2013 22:10

she sounds like an unbearably silly woman

The world has not gone mad, just one person has expressed an unbelievably stupid opinion.

AlpacaPicnic · 19/08/2013 22:11

Good grief, she sounds very... i want to use the word stupid but it might sound mean.

YANBU - as you say, the parents would probably swap their lovely 'peaceful' nights for a lovely healthy baby.

Rubydoo80 · 19/08/2013 22:11

Sounds like she just made a silly comment without really thinking.

CailinDana · 19/08/2013 22:11

She's a complete idiot. Best ignored imo.

Ezio · 19/08/2013 22:11

Shes a twat, my little sister was 8 weeks premature, its not nice watching a tiny fragile baby hooked up to monitors and tubes.

Fairyegg · 19/08/2013 22:12

She has no idea. I Bet your friend hasn't taken her comment well!

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 19/08/2013 22:12

Sounds like she might be utterly exhausted and in need of a rest....

Original poster
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 22:12

I'm getting really angry about it now. She has no idea what it's like.

After thought... hope she's not on here! Hmm

OP posts:
grumpyoldbat · 19/08/2013 22:13

Shock What a bitch.

SouthernComforts · 19/08/2013 22:14

As a mother of an extremely premature child, I'm not surprised, there are some incredibly dim people around.

I had countless stupid comments off people in the first few months, which probably contributed to my PND and ongoing depression 4 years later.

Original poster
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 22:15

Yep, i thought that could be the reason, amothersplace. I know I get quite bitter when I'm tired such as now. When dd was a newborn, i was totally unbearable.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 19/08/2013 22:16

She clearly is incapable of putting herself in somebody else's shoes. She is a fucking idiot.

I've not had children yet and can still how terrifying having a premature baby must be. I'm fairly sure no parent of a premature baby sleeps well and carries on as normal. A friends mum when I was a teen and a friend of a friend recently have both had premature babies. I know for a fact they'd have given anything to have had a full term baby.

soverylucky · 19/08/2013 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wonderstuff · 19/08/2013 22:16

Gosh that is odd. I don't think I could have stopped myself telling her to not be ridiculous. But you are probably right about PND, does sound like she's struggling. My brother recently had a premie baby, my heart ached for them, not being able to hold your baby must be awful. Sil didn't see the baby for 7 hours, must have been horrific.

Original poster
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 22:17

Sorry - in my OP, the customer/friend didn't comment on FB about 'handing her baby over'. I mean she said this to me after talking about the other lady feeling sick/not able to visit her son. Blush

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 19/08/2013 22:18

Is it possible she isn't coping and/or has PND?

Her comments seem extreme.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi · 19/08/2013 22:19

She sounds completely off her trolley. To the point I'd be wanting to ask her quite seriously if she was ok because her comments sounded bizarre.

That said, I do know have a mate who was extremely surprised to discover that there might be any risks to having a baby born 'a few weeks' early, because there's so much publicity about the few babies that manage to pull through born at very early gestations, she hadn't taken on board that 30+ weeks could still be very dangerous.

LoveSewingBee · 19/08/2013 22:21

Maybe she is severely sleep deprived and suffering from PND and cannot think straight.

wharrgarbl · 19/08/2013 22:21

I think she's just stupid. I'm not really concerned about appearing mean by saying that. Stupid. And massively lacking in empathy.

miffybun73 · 19/08/2013 22:21

YANBU, she sounds like a very stupid, uncaring bitch.

Her comments make me feel a bit sick. What is wrong with some people?

Original poster
EweHaveGoatToBeKiddin · 19/08/2013 22:22

I probably would have been less passive and challenged her more if she wasn't a customer. But i can't really afford to lose her business.

I suppose I'll just have to quietly dwell on it. And keep an eye out for her.

OP posts:
Ezio · 19/08/2013 22:22

Also this is different, but i know how your friend felt not being able to see her son.

When my DD was 2, she had fits, i couldnt stay with her because i got D and V, which meant i couldnt be with my poorly baby for 4 days. And i felt like such a crap mother that day.

So if your friend heard that comment, i can guarantee she'd have felt crap.

miffybun73 · 19/08/2013 22:22

OK, maybe I'm the uncaring one.

Maybe she has severe PND or maybe she's just not a very nice person.

Bejeena · 19/08/2013 22:23

Yes I agree it is horrific that she thinks like this. My baby is just over 3 weeks old, he was born at 36 weeks so not really classed as premature but he was so small that he wasn't strong enough to latch on and I wasn't producing enough milk, still not so we have to top him up with formula and I am expressing.

Yes this means he takes a bottle and that my husband can do his share of night feeds so I can get a full nights sleep some nights. But the price I have to pay for this is not being able to feed my baby and it devastates me.

I feel for any mother of a prem baby, it must be heartbreaking, it has been hard enough for me emotionally but at the end of the day my feeding issues are nothing in comparison my baby was fine, just a bit early and a bit small

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