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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be irritated with school mum

140 replies

toomanyfionas · 18/08/2013 11:54

Had a call from a mother of a boy in same class as ds. She says that "a third party whose name I won't disclose" informed her that my son had kicked her son at school.
She was quite het up and talked at length about how "obviously as john's (not his real name) mother I do not want hom to be kicked at school..." And that this was a courtesy call to let me know she is making a complaint to the school.

The boys are 5.

I said okay, I see uh huh mmm hmmm but stopped short of actual conversation saying I didn't get involved in children's school squabbles.

Tbh I was a bit taken aback to be phoned by a parent I didn't know in a flap about an incident of which I knew nothing.

I felt like saying, "you don't ring other kids parents to complain, that's not how it works. You talk to the school." But I didn't.

Afterwards I spoke to my son who said there was a game in which you had to run after each other and try to kick them. There were 5 of them. He seemed unaware a. that it was not a great game and b. that it hadn't ended well and mystified about john's complaint.

Of course we talked about kicking having no place in games or anything else really.

Do I need to do anything else?

OP posts:
Elsiequadrille · 18/08/2013 12:28

How did she have your telephone number?

cushtie335 · 18/08/2013 12:30

Jeez, did the OP take a dump in your living room or something pictish?

kelda · 18/08/2013 12:30

I agree with Pictish. I don't think describing it as a 'squabble' and saying that you don't get involved has done you any favours.

I would speak to the school and ask them if there are any problems with your son's behaviour.

HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 12:31

But did she even question her own son? Sounds like she didnt

pictish · 18/08/2013 12:31

Pardon? Hmm

toomanyfionas · 18/08/2013 12:32

waddlecakes where did I say my son's behaviour is only the school's problem? Honestly, some of you need glasses.

I'm not concerned about my son's behaviour. He is a normal kid. He is settled at school, he has friends and gets a normal amount of invites to playdates and parties.

His behaviour as such is not a problem. Of course children need continual behaviour guidance, that's normal. And one of these little guidances has been a rethink of joining in a kicking game. There will no doubt be more questionable choices to rethink as he navigates childhood.

OP posts:
HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 12:33

Her own son hadnt mentioned it..... Op son hadn't mentioned it.....school hadn't mentioned it... Stirring third party DID mention it. Did this mystery person witness it?TA,lunchtime supervisor etc?? If so, they have acted inappropriately

HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 12:33

Other 3 kids?? Have they complained?

cushtie335 · 18/08/2013 12:35

Sounds like a mountain out of a molehill. I can't understand how some posters are intent of having a go at you and not reading the OP and subsequent posts properly.

waddlecakes · 18/08/2013 12:35

Dear god woman, you said: ''I said okay, I see uh huh mmm hmmm but stopped short of actual conversation saying I didn't get involved in children's school squabbles.''

Aka, you're going to let the school deal with it.

Honestly keep up, your story isnt complicated and we don't even have 2 full pages yet.

Take some responsibility for your child's behaviour and cooperate when there's a problem, rather than backing away and refusing to get involved.

Elsiequadrille · 18/08/2013 12:35

toomanyfionas I think 3 of us, from my skim read, have asked how the woman came to be in possession of your phone number.

cushtie335 · 18/08/2013 12:35

on not of

everlong · 18/08/2013 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FranSanDisco · 18/08/2013 12:36

If anyone had been hurt an adult would have dealt with this so it's important to speak to the class teacher.

Last term I reprimanded two children sitting on the carpet has one uncharacteristically 'bit' the child beside him. It was infact the t.shirt that was bitten not the skin. NO mark, no tears, but I had witnessed it. I spoke to both checked arm, etc. They went off to play together happily. It seems the 'biter' was simply showing 'strange affection' and was kissing/sucking/biting his best friend.

The child who was bitten left the class at home time and told mum he had been bitten. She stormed in without looking for the mark even. When I explained it all and showed her no damage, then her child said yes this was all true she was left a little embarrassed. I assured her this was all dealt with and of course she had everyright to be concerned.

Children don't always report all of the facts as they are children.

HeySoulSister · 18/08/2013 12:37

Op says a neighbour gave the number out!

McNewPants2013 · 18/08/2013 12:37

How did she get your phone number.

The correct response would of been thanks for the call I will speak to my child. Not shrugging it off.

toomanyfionas · 18/08/2013 12:37

glossy I texted back to say pretty much that. "Have spoken to ds. He says he, john, child 3, c4 and c5 were playing a game which involved running after each other and kicking them. I have talked to him about not kicking in games or any other time."

I didn't labour the point that her son was free kicking. I am sure she can work that out. Besides, we are talking about something that happened a few days ago between young children. The facts are a little woolly to say the least.

OP posts:
nennypops · 18/08/2013 12:38

pictish: "Unless she's some sort of drama llama, chances are your son kicked her son too hard, don't you think?"

Well, no. Given that she heard about it from a third party. If her son didn't even bother to tell his mother, chances are he really wasn't kicked that hard, or regarded it all as part of a game in which he also was trying to kick the others.

SaucyJack · 18/08/2013 12:38

She might have gone about it in a slightly stalkerish fashion, but seeing as your son has since admitted to running after the kid and kicking him I don't think you can reasonably take the cop out approach. Sorry.

pictish · 18/08/2013 12:40

The correct response would of been thanks for the call I will speak to my child. Not shrugging it off.

Absolutely. I'm not trying to say the OP has a little devil on her hands. For all I know, the other mum is making a drama out of a crisis. However, the OP's attitude towards her was to immediately trivialise and dismiss the whole thing out of hand. The other mum doesn't know that OP has had a word...she just got the hand of nothing-to-do-with-me.

saintlyjimjams · 18/08/2013 12:40

Pictish I'm firmly of the opinion that the other mother probably is a drama llama (prob with a PFB) as she has gone about her 'complaint' in a really strange way.

Talk to the teacher OP, tell her the other mother phone and said your son kicked hers, you spoke to your son who told you about this inappropriate game, you have told your son games shouldn't involve kicking but you're letting the teacher know in case she wants to tackle it in circle time, and to please let you know if she finds out the events were somewhat different than that described by your son.

treas · 18/08/2013 12:41

Actually the world would be a better place if parents didn't wade in to defend their kids over every squabble but just let them sort it out between themselves and if that's not possible then to go to a teacher.

What happens in the playground should be dealt with through the school not directly through an unknown parent via hearsay.

pictish · 18/08/2013 12:41

nenny - maybe. Maybe not.
Point being the OP didn't care either way did she?

PinkSippyCup · 18/08/2013 12:41

Why do posters keep asking about the phone number? OP explained ages ago...

Oblomov · 18/08/2013 12:44

I would be cross that neighbour gave out my phone number.
I don't expect phone calls about such squabbles.
I would of course be not happy, and would talk to ds about not playing such a game.

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