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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why I bother with my ungrateful, lazy and selfish kids?

87 replies

MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:16

Throughout this summer holidays I've had to work. Long hours etc. I've tried to make it up to my 12 and 14 year old leaving them money for cinema/bowling etc and treating them to the odd takeaway on a night.

I've felt guilty not spending any time with them so I thought this weekend I'd take them to an indoor extreme sports place (xscape for those that know it), let them do all the activities, treat them to a chinese buffet dinner, really have a good day. I was looking forward to it.

Well, this morning my eldest can't be arsed to get up so is refusing to come. Not only that but he was expecting me to leave him the money I would have spent on him so he could go and spend it with his mates/on sweets. No chance.

So I thought fine, just me and ds2 then. I go and wake him up, he can't be arsed to get up either. I remind him about xscape, he drags himself out of bed and slugs into the bathroom. It's gettiing on for 10pm. I tell him to hurry as time is getting on and we won't get parked. He shouts "I AM HURRYING!"

10am I shout again - he screeches at the top of his voice "STOP GOING ON YOU'RE SO ANNOYING".

FFS all I wanted to do was take them out for the day and treat them. I'm really fed up. I feel like I just get treated like shit by everyone around me lately. DP has fucked off to a festival and is constantly sending me pictures of what a great time he's having - last night was a gem - "oh I'm sat in a tent with your favourite director! having such a great time! hows things at home?"

Oh I'm alright, just getting on with the ironing and shit and usual.

Why the fuck do I bother.

Oh and my question is - do I still take DS2 to xscape? I don't want to but the thought of spending yet another day in watching tv and doing housework depresses me to tears. I honestly feel like getting on a plane and fucking off by myself.

OP posts:
aturtlenamedmack · 18/08/2013 10:19

Neh, go out and treat yourself instead.

nkf · 18/08/2013 10:20

I think you chill out now. It sounds like a sort of mismatch. You've been working and now you have time to do something big, but they are on a different wavelength. They've got used to doing their own thing. Just try to reconnect with them. Enjoy your day.

sparklingstars · 18/08/2013 10:21

Don't take them and spend the money on a day out for yourself?

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:22

But they're so ungrateful. They were recently treated to a biig American road trip in which they got to see New York, Vegas, Los Angeles and San Diego. They moaned the entire time and yesterday my eldest said "all my mates are on holiday, why do we never do anything?"

I give up. I really, really can't be arsed anymore.

OP posts:
MrsRogerSterling · 18/08/2013 10:23

I wouldn't go now. I would do something for myself and leave them to sort themselves out for the day.

drinkyourmilk · 18/08/2013 10:23

Agree with nfk.
Don't go, huge trips out =huge pressure for it to be perfect.
Let them chill for the morning and take them somewhere this afternoon. Try not to have expectations, just go with the flow and laugh. Wouldnt hurt to tell them you've missed them while you've been working .

beginnings · 18/08/2013 10:24

Don't take them. They will look back on this when they are
Adults and feel awful. I did stuff like this a couple of times and I do.

nkf · 18/08/2013 10:24

Call them on it. Remind them they had a great holiday. Then, go out and have a nice day somewhere.

drinkyourmilk · 18/08/2013 10:25

Oh and the attitude? It's normal teenager crap. It's just what they do.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:25

I know I should just spend a bit of money on myself and treat myself for the day but that means being on my own AGAIN. everything I do is on my own. I'm so fed up of it.

A few weeks ago there was a street festival on in the city centre. DP and I had arranged to go - when it came to it he said "I can't really be bothered now, why don't you go on your own?"

I could have cried. I was stood there dressed up, really made an effort for him just to be told "go on your own." Yeah cos that's me - miss fucking solo

OP posts:
googlenut · 18/08/2013 10:25

Get them to do chores to earn all this money you are giving out freely. Kids are really ungrateful and it does my head in as well.

valiumredhead · 18/08/2013 10:26

What nkf said.

Arnie123 · 18/08/2013 10:27

What a horrible postf. If it is supposed to be a day out for them why should they be dragged somewhere they do not want to go. Perhaps you should have asked them up front what they would like to do. Calling them ungrateful? You sound like the one taking your kids for granted.

Eastpoint · 18/08/2013 10:28

I agree, it's very annoying. My son might as well live in the cupboard under the stairs, all he wants to do is play on a screen. I don't think there are any solutions other than giving them years to grow up & being grateful they haven't been sucked into gangs, cider drinking etc.

My two daughters are asleep in bed still. I am ignoring them.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:29

Arnie my youngest has been nagging to go to this place throughout the entire summer holidays. It was him that wanted to go in the first place. And you try asking my eldest what he'd like to do and I can guarantee you'd get the answer "dunno". Make suggestions and you'd get "sounds boring/sounds gay/I'm not 5/sounds crap."

OP posts:
SilverApples · 18/08/2013 10:30

Stop indulging them. They don't appreciate it.
Stop feeling bad about it, your OH obviously doesn't. When are you abandoning them all for a week doing whatever you fancy?
I have a happily married friend with three lads who takes herself off twice a year to do something she wants to do for herself. Last time it was watercolour painting in Italy.
How many household jobs are your two doing? I thought I'd ask, even though the answer will be sod all. In return for the financing, there should be hoovering, washing up and laundry happening, along with gardening if you have one, bathroom and kitchen cleaning and whatever other small taske you can devise.
But I'd put money on you as domestic servant and cashcow and them doing SFA.

valiumredhead · 18/08/2013 10:32

That just sounds like normal teen's lack of enthusiasm. You have to drag them there then once they're there they enjoy it.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:34

I don't mind the lack of enthusiasm, it's the way they speak to me. Shouting and screaming at me like I'm just a piece of shit.

I feel like I should have a sign on my head saying "feel free to send verbal abuse my way - in return you'll be treated to a day at xscape and an all you can eat chinese buffet"

Because that is essentially what I would be telling them if I went.

OP posts:
Yonihadtoask · 18/08/2013 10:35

OP I hear you.

Unfortunately I think that's how a lot of teens are. Mine included. We 'drag' them around France every year, spending a lot of money and taking time to plan things which may be of interest to them. But meh..

I would just go out anyway . Go to the shops at xscape instead.

Was DP meant to be coming today also. It doesn't sound like you are pleased with his behaviour - which I can understand.

Was today planned? I mean did you reiterate to the DSs last night that you would be going today. Getting up at x time, to leave the house at y time? I find that if I do this I get a better response. Gives them chance to get their heads in order and not plan the day playing on the ps3 or whatever.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:37

yeah it was planned, we were discussing it last night and ds2 seemed all excited.

I'm not happy with dp either. I'm just not happy with life in general really.

I have a friend who all of a sudden took herself off to America for 6 months leaving her kids with their grandmother. I used to think "how could she do that??" now I'm simply jealous.

OP posts:
SilverApples · 18/08/2013 10:37

I have had lethargic and unenthusiastic teens, and they have been hard to get started on a day out. They usually warm up once there and have a good time.
But the disrespect and the moaning, and the yelling? Completely unacceptable and intolerable. Fast forwards a decade, and what sort of young men are the pair of you raising?

Silverfoxballs · 18/08/2013 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DragonsAreReal · 18/08/2013 10:41

I wouldn't do anything for them because of the way they speak to you. In fact you need to go on strike and look after yourself.

Leave all the house work, don't cook and don't leave them any money just do a big shop full of crap they can make themselves and leave them to it. Even the DH.

SilverApples · 18/08/2013 10:42

If you are not happy, then start changing things. Prioritise what needs to change, and make sure your partner is with you on this. It isn't fair. It really isn't your job to put up with shit.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:43

You know what, I really want to go to Rome. I've wanted to go for years and it's one of my bucket list items. DP keeps saying "yeah we'll look into it" as he's booking festivals and shit for himself right left and center.

I'm actually considering booking it and going on my own. Would probably spell the end of my relationship but what the hell

OP posts: