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Original poster

To wonder why I bother with my ungrateful, lazy and selfish kids?

87 replies

MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:16

Throughout this summer holidays I've had to work. Long hours etc. I've tried to make it up to my 12 and 14 year old leaving them money for cinema/bowling etc and treating them to the odd takeaway on a night.

I've felt guilty not spending any time with them so I thought this weekend I'd take them to an indoor extreme sports place (xscape for those that know it), let them do all the activities, treat them to a chinese buffet dinner, really have a good day. I was looking forward to it.

Well, this morning my eldest can't be arsed to get up so is refusing to come. Not only that but he was expecting me to leave him the money I would have spent on him so he could go and spend it with his mates/on sweets. No chance.

So I thought fine, just me and ds2 then. I go and wake him up, he can't be arsed to get up either. I remind him about xscape, he drags himself out of bed and slugs into the bathroom. It's gettiing on for 10pm. I tell him to hurry as time is getting on and we won't get parked. He shouts "I AM HURRYING!"

10am I shout again - he screeches at the top of his voice "STOP GOING ON YOU'RE SO ANNOYING".

FFS all I wanted to do was take them out for the day and treat them. I'm really fed up. I feel like I just get treated like shit by everyone around me lately. DP has fucked off to a festival and is constantly sending me pictures of what a great time he's having - last night was a gem - "oh I'm sat in a tent with your favourite director! having such a great time! hows things at home?"

Oh I'm alright, just getting on with the ironing and shit and usual.

Why the fuck do I bother.

Oh and my question is - do I still take DS2 to xscape? I don't want to but the thought of spending yet another day in watching tv and doing housework depresses me to tears. I honestly feel like getting on a plane and fucking off by myself.

OP posts:
SilverApples · 18/08/2013 10:45

Why would it mean the end of your relationship? He is choosing and enjoying himself, why aren't you entitled to do the same?
Go to Rome on your own, or with a like-minded friend. NOT with OH or either of your children.

Pinupgirl · 18/08/2013 10:47

Your problem sounds like it it not your kids-who sound like typical spoiled,entitled teens-but your dp who sounds like a selfish cock. Was it the vintage festival you missed?-cos if so sorry to rub it in but was fab!

DragonsAreReal · 18/08/2013 10:47

Go on book it right now if you can afford it. Book it for next week and just go!

SilverApples · 18/08/2013 10:48

You say DP, are your children his too?
Does he have a different understanding of what being in a relationship is to you, or to a reasonable person? OH goes on weekends away, linked to his interests. So do I. That's only fair.
Why are you holding the shitty end of the stick?

Squitten · 18/08/2013 10:48

Why would planning your own trip be the end of your relationship?!?

What exactly do you do for yourself - ever?

Yonihadtoask · 18/08/2013 10:48

Agree with Silverapples.

If DP doesn't want to go, then there is nothing stopping you from going alone, or with a friend.

It does seem unfair though that he isn't willing to do that
to make you happy.

waddlecakes · 18/08/2013 10:49

What's the story now OP, are both kids still in bed then or is the youngest getting ready?

Whatever you do, make it clear to the older one you won't be leaving money for him.

Coconutty · 18/08/2013 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:52

No my children are not his. And I don't expect him to be their new dad or whatever but this is how it feels to me - he had his marriage and that was his "family". That ended and now I'm just the girlfriend. He never has managed to get back into that family mode - hence telling me to go to the street festival on my own etc. He never wants to get married again either (well, he said he'll think about it Hmm in a few years). Although to be fair if he proposed to me now they'd be a demarco shaped hole in the front door.

OP posts:
dingit · 18/08/2013 10:52

I feel your pain. Ds wants to go to adventure pool type place. Dd can't be arsed. but it's Ds birthday weekend, so I told her she can make the effort.

I has a friend that took herself to Athens, had a great time!

And I know what you mean about being stuck on your own with the chores. That was me yesterday while DH played golf all day.

Do you have a friend or sibling to plan something with? Me and dsis are planning a day in west end shopping, meal and theatre, can't wait!

waddlecakes · 18/08/2013 10:53

How old are the kids and how long have you been with DP?

Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:53

Eldest has just come in the room and said "are you still being moody then?" - I resisted the urge to swear at him and told him to just go and do whatever it was he was planning to do with his day.

DS2 came in all dressed a few minutes later and asked rather sheepishly "what time are we going?"

OP posts:
Original poster
MDemarco · 18/08/2013 10:56

I'm going to xscape guys, not for the kids but because I was looking forward to going and I can't face being stuck at home all day again.

The activities will be severely limited and the dinner will be cut from the chinese buffet to a subway if he's lucky.

And this is the last time I'll be planning activities for the summer holidays. They want to be independent? fine by me.

I'll be back on later. Thanks for the quick responses x

OP posts:
auntmargaret · 18/08/2013 10:59

Poor you, I feel your pain. I think it is a teenage thing. They are ungrateful wretches. On the plus side, they will grow up eventually. Doesn't Xscape stay open til late? Can't you leave them to it for a while, and go later if they apologise? Your DP sounds another matter though? Do you live together? He sounds pretty disrespectful.

nkf · 18/08/2013 10:59

Many things going on here. One question I have is why does he live with a woman with two sons if he doesn't want to "do" family? But that's probably for another day. And so too is Rome.

Take this day for yourself. Write a list of what's wrong and what you want to change. See a friend. Have a nice lunch. Rent a movie you and only you like.

StyleManual · 18/08/2013 10:59

Are you going to go? Sounds like you need to have a bit of a "chat" with them, because they really are treating you like shit. They're big enough to understand that you have feelings too surely.

Eilidhbelle · 18/08/2013 11:00

Get into Braehead too and treat yourself. You're. Much nicer person than me, I would have told them to jog on. Xcape is really expensive! Hope you have fun anyway,

Famzilla · 18/08/2013 11:00

Next time you have a few days off, make plans with your friends. Seems to me like you're dedicating all of your time to the home and none to being your own person, which is bound to cause some resentment.

Also, if booking a holiday you've wanted to go on forever would mark the end of your relationship, is that really a relationship worth having for the rest of your life?

Arnie123 · 18/08/2013 11:02

Sorry did not realise they had been nagging to go. Unless you bought tickets upfront when they don't want to go just say fine and do your own thing. No way they should have the money though.

Pinupgirl · 18/08/2013 11:06

I hope you manage to enjoy your day. Kick the dp to the kerb-he sounds like the root of your problems.

monicalewinski · 18/08/2013 11:07

Lots of good stuff from others with teens - mine aren't quite there yet but am not looking forward to it as I remember how awful I was to live with!

Tell DS1 you'd really like him to come too as you feel bad about working all the holidays, but take DS2 regardless (he's still young enough to appreciate his mum when not around his older brother). Once you're there with DS2 (and hopefully DS1!!) you'll have a great time I'm sure. Good luck!

And your DP is being a selfish git btw, you need to let him know how you're feeling as he's probably spectacularly unaware how his attitude is making you feel.

Hope you have a good day in the end!!

antimatter · 18/08/2013 11:08

I think I would consider cutting down on how much money you are leaving for them on daily basis.
They feel you ought to do it, but the fact of the matter is - they have to know it's optional not a default.

monicalewinski · 18/08/2013 11:08

Sorry, xpost with your last one saying you're going! It'll be fine once you're there, have fun!

nennypops · 18/08/2013 11:13

Look, they need to know that "shouting and screaming at you like you'e a piece of shit" is simply not going to be tolerated. And that doesn't mean shouting and screaming back at them. It means sitting down with them and explaining it, and explaining that any more of it will have consequences. It's up to you what those consequences are, but it sounds like hitting them financially is the way to go.

SilverApples · 18/08/2013 11:19

I've worked FT since graduating. My children would have liked a SAHM, but they clearly understand that there is a direct correlation between having a job and having money to do things.
When they were small, I used to let all the treat food run out a week before, so that they saw payday= money to buy nutella and croissants and fresh mangoes. When they were teenagers, it was directly linked to 'I can afford it after the 20th' or 'Not this month sunshine'
Now they are adults, they know money doesn't grow on trees and that you can save or splurge but it doesn't alter the amount of cash available.