To wonder why I bother with my ungrateful, lazy and selfish kids?

[MDemarco]

Throughout this summer holidays I've had to work. Long hours etc. I've tried to make it up to my 12 and 14 year old leaving them money for cinema/bowling etc and treating them to the odd takeaway on a night.

I've felt guilty not spending any time with them so I thought this weekend I'd take them to an indoor extreme sports place (xscape for those that know it), let them do all the activities, treat them to a chinese buffet dinner, really have a good day. I was looking forward to it.

Well, this morning my eldest can't be arsed to get up so is refusing to come. Not only that but he was expecting me to leave him the money I would have spent on him so he could go and spend it with his mates/on sweets. No chance.

So I thought fine, just me and ds2 then. I go and wake him up, he can't be arsed to get up either. I remind him about xscape, he drags himself out of bed and slugs into the bathroom. It's gettiing on for 10pm. I tell him to hurry as time is getting on and we won't get parked. He shouts "I AM HURRYING!"

10am I shout again - he screeches at the top of his voice "STOP GOING ON YOU'RE SO ANNOYING".

FFS all I wanted to do was take them out for the day and treat them. I'm really fed up. I feel like I just get treated like shit by everyone around me lately. DP has fucked off to a festival and is constantly sending me pictures of what a great time he's having - last night was a gem - "oh I'm sat in a tent with your favourite director! having such a great time! hows things at home?"

Oh I'm alright, just getting on with the ironing and shit and usual.

Why the fuck do I bother.

Oh and my question is - do I still take DS2 to xscape? I don't want to but the thought of spending yet another day in watching tv and doing housework depresses me to tears. I honestly feel like getting on a plane and fucking off by myself.

OP. Hope you had a good day. TBH the 14 year old sounds like a lost cause, at least for the time being. It's just what they do. It's weird - I can remember being a moody, awkward sod of a teenager too, but I can't for the life of me remember why.

I think you SHOULD do Rome. Book it well in advance (NO kids), and invite your DP so he can't blame you if he backs out.

SuckatRelationships I wouldn't have called myself "spoiled" as a teenager, but I still acted like a spoiled brat.

I don't think that making an effort to spend time with your kids is spoiling them. If she'd come on and said "I don't get it, they have everything they ask for and I've completely sacrificed my life for theirs, yet..." then it would be different. That's really not the case though. She's given them a bit of pocket money, the odd takeaway, and is pissed off because the ONE thing she has tried to do for them has been thrown in her face. Poor OP, I say.

I agree with Bumply about cruises.

Several parents of teens have said it met their requirements as teens could safely hang without fear of parental embarrassment and parents could safely shake off pimply hormonal gangly grumps.

Understand OP - my teenage ds isn't too bad but dd who is nearly 10 can be dire and I am fearing the worst for her teenage years. It's absolutely soul destroying when you are trying your best and doing a magnificent impression of a Butlins Redcoat geeing everyone up with manic enthusiasm and you're faced with curled lips and sarcasm.

Obviously there were consequences -and the odd screaming banshee moments- that's why I'd say it's all part of the "normal" upset of the teenage years. And I do understand that all DC are different - ours are testament to that. Looks at dd who is never rude or argumentative and rarely pushes a boundary and quickly remembers the phase of mild self harm and nipped in the bud anorexia - and changed school at the end of Y8.

It gets better OP but I don't think you'll sort out your lpvely boys who will be yours forever (and I know they push you to the limits) until you sort out the situation with your DP.

Sorry it's tough at the moment but I'd be giving the boys more slack than the grown man tbh xx HUGs

I hope you managed to enjoy your day, OP. You sound very down and I can understand why. Sounds like they need some shock treatment to realise how their poor attitude is affecting the family.

Sounds like you are not that happy with your DP either, I realise he's not their dad but does he have a poor attitude towards you that could be rubbing off on your DSes? You don't mention much about your relationship but if that is the case then I would expect your DSes to emulate the behaviour they see around them.

Definitely treat yourself more often. Rome sounds fab.

omg uanbu, my mum once said to me "dont ever expect your kids to be grateful" and they werent until they grew up. my neighbours kids have just had a second holiday in Portugal but all they really want is to go to butlins.
Tell them both thats it no more treats until they appreciate and respect you gl.

jesus - I was referring to all the treats during the week while OP was at work. Sounds like they have been given a pretty good time without OP there and now mum wants to tag just cos she is home at the weekend. I know what my pre-teen/teen self would have thought about that proposal after the week I'd just had without mum hanging about - 'Meh, no thanks'

If they hadn't have been spoiled during the week they may have thought it a better proposal.

You sound quite funny, OP e.g. - Oh I'm alright, just getting on with the ironing and shit and usual made me laugh.

Anyway, nothing much to add to what others are saying here, except amazed how really nice MN mums are to their kids tolerating bad behaviour because of "hormones" and the like . Perhaps they are right, but honestly I have seen so many nice but spoiled teens and pre-teens recently ...

And agree a real treat, holiday, etc if possible for yourself, could do wonders...

You bother with them because you're their mum and you love them beyond imagination and unconditionally as all mums do. xx

Here are your friends OP? If I had a potential day to myself I would suggest a nice lunch with a glass of wine with a friend, coud you not do the same?

You should tell your children that they have upset you with their attitude and right off today's plan with them. If your youngest wants to go then arrange it for another day. Remind them of their great holiday but try not to get worked up about gratuitide, it doesn't come easily to them. Stop the guilt money too, they are not hard done by are they?