To think handing back a gift is rude

[twistedtoffee]

I went to a friend's house for lunch yesterday and brought a lemon drizzle cake. When I was leaving she handed it back to me saying 'you might as well bring it home. Cake never really gets eaten in this house'.

I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think it was a bit ungrateful and bad mannered to not simply say nothing and give the cake to a neighbour or family member if she didn't want it?

YABU. If it was going to go to waste, why not give it back to you? I'd have done the same if it was something I knew we'd never use.

Just to add, lemon drizzle wouldn't have lasted 5 minutes in our house. I could eat my own bodyweight in the stuff :)

YANBU I think that's quite rude.

She could have easily passed it on to someone else.

It's weird she didn't serve it at the lunch! Normally if I take a cake to something I expect it to be eaten then. Not usually because I'm so massively fussed to eat it myself (I'm usually sick to the sight of it by then if I've made it myself) but because that was the point of baking it!

I think she was being unreasonable.

TBH I bought the cake I didn't make it myself. But I went to the trouble of driving specially to a bakery a couple of miles away because they do delicious cakes and I wanted to bring something nice.

Oh well, we can have it after dinner tonight.

Better you enjoy it than it going all hard and mouldy in her kitchen and then getting thrown out. I realise why you're pissed off after having gone out of your way to get something nice but not everyone likes the same thing.

Its better than the other way.

DSis popped in on her birthday to pick up her cards and presents and a chat.
I had bought a supermarket birthday cake for us to cut and eat. Small gift size one.
I put the cake on the table and said happy birthday then went to fetch the tea.
When I came back she was putting the cake in her bag saying she would share it with her friends later.

Lemon drizzle cake, Mmmmmmmm.... that's one gift I would have loved to have had returned. Now I'll have to go to Tescos and get one... got the munchies lol.

YANBU. I know people who do this kind of thing think they're being practical and sensible, but it does come across as a bit rude and ungrateful. She could have put the cake in the freezer and used it the next time she had guests or, as you said, given it to a neighbour.

yabu
I'd be delighted with that outcome, especially if it was particularly yummy!

I really don't get how it's ruder to give it away than take it back.

Next time you saw her and she said, hey Betty loved the end of the cake I gave her when u left! Wouldn't you think that weirder?

Yanbu
My feelings would be hurt too
I suppose she was only trying to be practical but I think she should have accepted it gratefully and given it to someone else if she really didn't want it

Eh, you don't tell them you've given it away Dacky, the same way you don't tell your aunt that you've given her wedding present to a charity shop.

I don't agree Angus. The OP went out of her way to buy something nice for her friend who basically handed it back saying she didn't want it.

Her friend shouldn't have accepted the gift when the OP arrived. She should have just said that OP was marvellously kind and thoughtful, but that the cake would be wasted on her and her family.

The odd bit was accepting the cake and then changing her mind after a couple of hours.

I think the odd bit was not just saying 'thanks very much' and graciously accepting a small gift instead of risking insulting a friend by handing it back.

Not very polite, IMO, so YANBU.

Surely it is not about what happens to the cake, but about not hurting people's feelings?
If someone has been kind enough to bring something, why would anyone make them feel that what they brought was in some way not acceptable ...or pointless. It certainly won't make them feel good to think it wasn't liked, or wanted.

I would have expected a cake gift to be served. Again, just because it would be the polite thing to do.

Why didn't she serve it whilst you were there? Isn't that what you do when you take round cake?

I think it's a bit rude, but at least you get nice cake.

Next time you saw her and she said, hey Betty loved the end of the cake I gave her when u left! Wouldn't you think that weirder?

Yes that would be weird.
Which is why the next time you saw her she should have said
"Thank you so much the cake was delicious, we all really enjoyed it!"

Even if they don't like cake and gave it away.
Why would anyone not want a cake anyway?

Absolutely. Giving presents back is a friendship ender for me. Dead to me after that.

Also I would have served it so it would probably get at least half eaten at lunch.

Agree it's a bit rude to give it back, I'm sure she could have found someone who would like it (perhaps the rest of her family feel deprived of cakes?!) but I wouldn't necessarily expect her to serve it with lunch either, she most likely had the meal already planned and the cake may not have fitted in with those plans.

YABU. Usually I would think it rude to give a gift back, but if it is perishable the it seems reasonable to me. So giving back wine which could last months and be register would be rude, but giving something back that needs eating in the next day seems reasonable.