To think handing back a gift is rude

[twistedtoffee]

I went to a friend's house for lunch yesterday and brought a lemon drizzle cake. When I was leaving she handed it back to me saying 'you might as well bring it home. Cake never really gets eaten in this house'.

I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think it was a bit ungrateful and bad mannered to not simply say nothing and give the cake to a neighbour or family member if she didn't want it?

No more cake for her, then OP!

I think it's rude. If it is the thought that counts, then if someone went out of her way to do something nice for you, you don't give it back. You let her keep that nice feeling.

One thing I will always remember is being about 11 or 12 and spending my pocket money on buying my dad a book I thought he would like, only for him to give it back later that day saying he didn't think he was interested in it. It's an unpleasant feeling and I wouldn't inflict it on someone else.

That wouldn't stop me eating the cake I your situation, mind

I'd have been miffed if my cake was given back, it's a lack of manners.

With my family and very close friends I might do this, not meaning to be rude but practical and non-wasteful.

With friends who are a bit on the polite side themselves I'd not risk it nor with my MIL as I try not to give any cause for possible offence - because we don't get on!

Maybe OP your friend thinks you are close enough for her to be honest with you?

Yes to breatheslowly, with my family it's only perishable food we would do this with - certainly not a gift such as a book RevoltingP.

YABU. I don't like lemon drizzle. I would have done the same.

Yanbu exact same thing happened to me once was like a custard pie in the face.

Rude, and weird.

Who doesn't eat lemon drizzle cake? (unless allergic to ingredients).

I find it very rude and odd.

The whole family doesn't eat cake? Never? Still, she can offer a slice to a friend or neighbour when they come for tea.
I don't get people who have 'problem' with what to do with a cake! It is the only problem i don't have!

I'd be irritated.

Yabu. Would you rather she put it in the bin? I would have done exactly the same thing as your friend.

I think it's very rude to give a gift back, so YANBU.

Well you went out of your way to get it for her but she doesnt like it! Giving it back was a little rude but I guess if she hadnt you'd have taken one "specially for her" every time you went?
I have a similar French fancy problem.

Rude. YANBU

Well if id bought a nice cake I'd rather have the half back than wonder if it was enjoyed.

Yanbu

I was given some soap at the end of term that is a scent I have a strong aversion to. I said thanks very much that's very kind... And then passed it on to a friend (no, not instead if buying her an actual gift). No idea if she will even use it but she has a wider and older circle of acquaintances so I'm sure someone will appreciate it!

Of course it's downright rude. Someone goes to the trouble to buy you something nice, you smile graciously and express thanks, even if you don't like it/think it's hideous. Anything else is hurting the feelings of someone who has been kind to you.

The only time you can do something like this is with VERY close friends and family who would understand your foibles - but then you wouldn't be buying them cake if you knew they didn't like it.

I would be very hurt, YANBU!

I think she was rude. But maybe she didn't see it as a gift but as a contribution to the lunch which wasn't needed as she'd already planned food. So she might have felt it was OK to give it back. Maybe she's on a diet and wants to avoid temptation?

I gave a few small packets of extra nice biscuits to an elderly friend for Christmas, as I knew she'd say anything larger would be too much for her to eat. She gave them all back saying she wouldn't be able to eat more than one or two so they'd be wasted. I was a bit miffed. She eats lots of crisps and fizzy drink but I just can't see a multi pack of crisps as a suitable gift.

If Im invited somewhere Ill ask beforehand if I can contribute something like the pudding or something.

The people that invite may have food allergies or something.

My froinds do likewise if theyre invited to mine.

or if you want to surprise just get flowers or a plant.

We have friends who bring something when they come over but take it away again if it doesn't get used. I always think that is a little odd.

I think that's rude but not quite as rude as the colleague who gave me back the earrings I bought her for her birthday as the simulated diamonds weren't proper simulated diamonds!!

Agree with arabesque. Why would you even think to tell someone that you gave their left over cake to the neighbour? What good purpose would that serve?

Returning a kindly given gift is sooo rude imo.

You made the lovely gesture of buying your friend a special cake... and she essentially hands it back saying she didn't want it

I think it is so important when receiving a gift from a friend to say thank-you very much, you're so kind, it's lovely... being gracious and grateful is the oil that keeps friendships running smoothly.

I think it is very thoughtless and insensitive to give a gift back stating you don't want it or can't use it... good way to make the giver feel useless and a bit shit.

YANBU

I would rather she put it in the bin than threw it back in my face.

How rude.

I'd have been mortified.