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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be worried about what I'll do with my life when my DCs grow up?

111 replies

gettngbetter · 14/08/2013 20:21

The DC's take up all my time at the moment. Neither of them are in school yet. I really love being so busy - there's never a moment to be bored. We spend the weekends out in playgrounds & parks and I love it.

I was speaking to a friend whose two children are teenagers now and she said she feels a bit redundant now. Her DC's just need her to give them lifts - and they spend all their time with their friends

So I know it's a long way off - but I'm worried life will seem a bit pointless once they're raised - and ill have too much time on my hands

OP posts:

littlewhitebag · 14/08/2013 20:27

I got a puppy. It's like child replacement.

noddyholder · 14/08/2013 20:27

work?

waltzingmathilda · 14/08/2013 20:28

job?

Dontbugmemalone · 14/08/2013 20:30

No idea about suggestions but YANBU. I wonder about this too, I feel as though I won't have a free moment again.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 14/08/2013 20:31

Take a lover.

PoppyWearer · 14/08/2013 20:33

I do worry, as I have started coming across rather a lot of SAHMs of older DCs now and, I don't know what it is, but it really really makes me want to go back to work! Maybe it's just the area I live in, which has rather a lot of the school-run-then-the-coffee-shop-then-the-gym-then-lunch-then-the-coffee-shop-then-the-school-run type. Not my scene.

I've been a SAHM for a few years now, one preschooler remaining and, although my former career is now toast....I rather think I'll be looking for work of some kind once they are both in school and settled.

MaureenMLove · 14/08/2013 20:35

YABU! Your friend needs to get a life for herself then. I love every minute of my DD(18), but boy am I glad that I don't have to consider her needs much anymore!

I have a job, hobbies, friends and I love my own company in my very quiet, very tidy house!

SuckAtRelationships · 14/08/2013 20:35

This is why I stayed 'sucksatrelationships'. I have never allowed myself just to be DS's mum. Ever. I have my hobby and enjoy myself, I do not play with DS ALL the time, I let him play alone sometimes and do me things. As soon as he left for nursery, or now when I leave for work, I am me again and leave mummy at home til I get back. DS is not my life. I will still be in my 30s when he leaves home so I simply CAN'T make him my life otherwise it will be over very quickly! He has his own life and I want him to be happy in it when I am not around.

make sure you stay you and do things for you that you enjoy. Being a mum is part of your life, not all of it :)

Doha · 14/08/2013 20:37

I am at the other end of the scale DD2 just left school and l have my life back !!!
No more holidays that have to be taken in term time, no more exam results envelopes dropping through letter box.
No need to find babysitters
BUT
l am a cash cow--bank of mum and dad but l wouldn't have it any other way.
I am needed by them in different ways, not better nor worse just different

MidLifeCrys1s · 14/08/2013 20:37

Life evolves; doors open, opportunities present themselves. Don't over think it.

janey68 · 14/08/2013 20:39

How did you fill your time pre-children?
Work? Hobbies?
If you're worrying about it now, maybe think about whether you are keeping enough things going in your life which are about you (ie not just about the children) When your children are pre school it's quite possible to focus everything around them, but they will move on from this phase so quickly, growing in independence, wanting to be with school friends, doing their own clubs and stuff. So it's important to make sure you carry on living your life too.

TabithaStephens · 14/08/2013 20:39

What did you do with your life before your DCs were born?

timidviper · 14/08/2013 20:42

Exactly Doha. We are still very much needed and, although I have more free time than when they were little, I never find myself bored. I work part-time, see friends, exercise, read and all sorts of things I didn't have time to do back then.

My house was tidy but DD has come back for a while!

DontmindifIdo · 14/08/2013 20:42

well, then you get a job, or get involved with voluntary organisations, get hobbies, go back into study etc. The important thing as far as I can see as 'a mum of a preschooler' is when your DCs get their own lives, you need to have one too.

Besides, it won't be long before you're on grandparent duty...

Original poster

gettngbetter · 14/08/2013 20:52

I have a full time job.

I know I'll be able to do things to keep me busy - like getting a dog - voluntary work - holidays. But I just worry it might seem a bit pointless or hollow - compared to having 2 small DC's. Or maybe because DC's gradually become independent I'll have time to adjust.

At the moment they take up most of my time as DH works long hours. There's no time for me going to the gym or do classes because I have to work full-time, look after them and do housework. But I really enjoy it!

OP posts:

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 20:52

Well it's all very gradual. My dd is the same age as Maureen's (Christ Maureen I have been talking to you about them since they were in year 7!)

In any case when they are teens their needs change, from being practical care to more emotional support. They still need you but in a different way. But you will find that you gradually give them freedom and your life will expand to fill the gaps.

It doesn't seem long since I first let dd go to the shops on her own (and fretted the entire time) and now she has driven her car to the coast to go camping with her mates, with no contact apart from a few vague texts.

MacaYoniandCheese · 14/08/2013 20:58

I'm a SAH lifer. I'm going to buy a horse the day after DC3 goes off to Uni. I might also go wild and crazy and enroll in some totally impractical courses such as music history or forensics or some shit like that. I imagine there will also be lots of puttering.

janey68 · 14/08/2013 20:59

Do you need to rethink your work life if you're worried it will feel empty and pointless once your children get older?

At the end of the day, a normal adult working life is many, many years longer than the short amount of time before your children become independent. Therefore it makes sense to aim for as interesting a career as possible. A work life is ideally about a lot more than just paying the bills. If you are doing something worthwhile and fulfilling, it shouldn't feel 'hollow' just because your kids get older

funnyossity · 14/08/2013 21:13

It does evolve and there are lovely aspects to having older dcs. I love watching comedy shows and non-kid films with my teenager. Yes they are off with their mates but even that is interesting - if they discuss it with you which I admit doesn't always happen!

Enjoy the pre-school years, I thought they were special too. But having older kids can be great so don't worry.

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 21:33

Yes it is great fun having teens. My dd has a cracking sense of humour, and also it is lovely developing shared grown up interests (we exercise together, like eating out at smart restaurants, and share an obsession with Mad Men!)

Plus, I have 4 cats which are quite clearly baby substitutes

janey68 · 14/08/2013 21:40

... And yes, that's so true. The baby and pre- school years are very marketable... We're sold this image of idyllic days (and yes there are many lovely things about it ) BUT you discover new and wonderful aspects to being a parent of School age children. Mine are now teens and am loving that too - mostly!- in different ways again. Life doesn't stand still for your kids- so don't let it stand still for you.

Annunziata · 14/08/2013 21:42

I worry about this terribly, and I know it's my own fault because I baby mine. I am still washing and ironing and making lunches for 20 somethings. I just can't stop.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/08/2013 21:42

My Dcs are 17 and 14. I was worried about this, so we decided to have another one! Problem solved!

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 21:43

Haha at annunziata. I will probably be the same tbh. She can stay at home until she is 46 as far as I'm concerned.

They are still your babies to some extent anyway. She still sits on my knee for a cuddle at times, all six foot of her

stillenacht · 14/08/2013 21:44

Well I'll be looking after my son when he grows up... I have the opposite fear... How am I going to cope as a 70 year old looking after a 40 year old. Will I ever have my own life?

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