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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be worried about what I'll do with my life when my DCs grow up?

111 replies

gettngbetter · 14/08/2013 20:21

The DC's take up all my time at the moment. Neither of them are in school yet. I really love being so busy - there's never a moment to be bored. We spend the weekends out in playgrounds & parks and I love it.

I was speaking to a friend whose two children are teenagers now and she said she feels a bit redundant now. Her DC's just need her to give them lifts - and they spend all their time with their friends

So I know it's a long way off - but I'm worried life will seem a bit pointless once they're raised - and ill have too much time on my hands

OP posts:

mrsjay · 14/08/2013 22:15

when dd left high school i sobbed and when i went to se eher off at her prom I was there thering a mum she was distraught I was doing the gulpy thing though

mrsjay · 14/08/2013 22:16

Bloody hell at your mum mrsJ!

aye she is weird

capitola · 14/08/2013 22:16

Mine are 11 and 15 and already I feel that the time when the children consume every second of every day is over.

I can look forward to more time with dh, more child free breaks, more adult time.

Tonight dh and I went to the pub and had a bottle of wine while our eldest cooked dinner. This I could get used to.

I am thinking about returning to full time work for the first time since 1998.

I loved having little ones but I love this bit even more.

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:16

X posts annunziata and the car. Blimey!

Trills · 14/08/2013 22:16

The baby and pre- school years are very marketable...

Hah! I'm clearly not your target audience... I much prefer children who can wipe their own bums and make sentences.

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:18

Oh yes dd's prom. She broke her arm the week before (luckily had a nice blue cast which was the exact colour of her prom dress) and I took her, standing there moist eyed as she buggered off with her mates. I have a photo of dd taken when she is surrounded by lots of whippersnappers in tuxedos and she looks like a grace Kelly film from the 50s.

TheCrackFox · 14/08/2013 22:19

You are both very beautiful.

I had a bit of a wobble on the bus going to work but I was distracted by a mother lovingly sharing a can of Red bull with her 2 yr old DD. (I didn't tut, but did a huge eye roll) Ah, the joys of living in Leith.

Annunziata · 14/08/2013 22:21

I really like this thread. It's so lovely being able to look back.
(and I am getting to do it all over again fingers crossed!)

It was possibly me who was inconsolable, but I had 2 at the one prom and I'm very emotional

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:22

The teen years have been my favourite, I must admit. She really makes me laugh.

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:23

Thank you crackfox! I will pay you tomorrow

Are you expecting annunziata? I think having a teen and a newborn would be great, tbh.

Annunziata · 14/08/2013 22:27

We are starting to adopt my baby niece, she's 20 weeks old and she's been with us since she was 3 weeks :)

The big ones are brilliant with her. The first night she slept through they all texted me in a panic...

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:36

Oh my goodness! A 20 week old baby. I hope it all goes well. It must be lovely to have a baby again,

Annunziata · 14/08/2013 22:40

It is, she's a wee blessing!

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 22:52

That is so funny that they panicked when she slept through.

THEY'LL LEARN.

sydlexic · 14/08/2013 22:54

Now my DD's have grown up they have four DC's between them and DH's mum needs care. There is always someone to look after.

Shellywelly1973 · 14/08/2013 22:59

I think MN needs to start a campaign to improve a mums worth...

What's so wrong with choosing 'just' to be a mum. Being a mother is more important then any paid job. Many people do not appreciate or understand why i didn't end up with an amazing career like my sisters. A dc with SN made me realise, theres much more to life.

I will have spent 42 years being just a mum by the time my youngest is 18!

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 23:04

Shelly don't say 'just' a mum!

It's all a personal choice isn't it, some mothers work FT, some PT, some stay at home. I HATE the judgement of mothers who parent differently, everyone makes the best choice for themselves.

Maryz · 14/08/2013 23:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OddBoots · 14/08/2013 23:19

"I will have spent 42 years being just a mum by the time my youngest is 18!"

Wow! Most of us won't have children under 18 for that length of time though so it is healthy to have other life goals - no-one is specifying what they should be.

Mine are 14 and 10 and are both away with the Scouts at the moment, my job is term time so I'm feeling a bit odd but dh and I have spent some of the time throwing ideas about for what we'd like to be doing in 5-10 years and I'm quite excited to start working towards those things.

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 23:21

The whole 'can I borrow a tenner' thing gets a bit old after a while. Redefines the word 'borrow'.

I now have to assist with bizarre plans like 'mum can you help me put this tent up' excuse me do I look like someone who knows how to put up a blood tent?

MaureenMLove · 14/08/2013 23:22

Oh god no! DD has just finished 6th form at my school. She went elsewhere for the rest of secondary. Until she joined, I was always called Mrs Love or just Miss. No student knew me any other way. It was wonderful. For the first time in 16 years I was me and not wife of or mother of.

Anyway, within a week or two of her starting, kids were saying, 'Oh you're DDs mum aren't you?' I laughed about it and got all indignant with them, but actually, I was a bit pissed! For 5 years they had known me as Mrs Love, then all of a sudden I became a mum again in my work place!

Bloody glad she's left, I wanna be 'just' me again!

LeGavrOrf · 14/08/2013 23:23

I don't think kids ever really leave.

I think it's probably like Hotel California.

I reckon December (dd's birthday in December plus Christmas) will be greeted with 'oh fucking NORAH' because of the expense until the day I die.

KnappShappeyShipwright · 14/08/2013 23:25

It's been a gradual process but I'm slipping further away from the centre of my DCs' universe. A little part of me mourns having a 4 year olds to hold my hand and chatter to but the rest of me rejoices at not having to watch their every move and have serious conversations with them. Mine are early secondary / late primary age.

I've nearly always worked full-time so have always had a focus outside the house - I live 150 miles away from my family and have spectacularly failed to make any friends here so other than children and work, there's not much to say about me. Once my youngest starts secondary either me or DH (or both!) will take the plunge and embark on some serious career progression as we're both in jobs that are convenient for the family but not very fulfilling. If I'd been a SAHM I expect I would have made more friends and found more sociable hobbies,

greenfolder · 14/08/2013 23:25

having teenagers is mother natures way of making you look forward to them leaving home. bit like being 9 mths pregnant is mother natures way of making you long for childbirth.

you will feel differently when you are there.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 00:04

It is, she's a wee blessing!

she is beautiful

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