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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to be worried about what I'll do with my life when my DCs grow up?

111 replies

gettngbetter · 14/08/2013 20:21

The DC's take up all my time at the moment. Neither of them are in school yet. I really love being so busy - there's never a moment to be bored. We spend the weekends out in playgrounds & parks and I love it.

I was speaking to a friend whose two children are teenagers now and she said she feels a bit redundant now. Her DC's just need her to give them lifts - and they spend all their time with their friends

So I know it's a long way off - but I'm worried life will seem a bit pointless once they're raised - and ill have too much time on my hands

OP posts:

Shellywelly1973 · 15/08/2013 00:14

LeGaveOrf when i used the parade 'just' a mum i was being sarcastic. Women appear to consider being a mother less important then a career.

My family constantly mention what i used to do as a career. I've always worked & will always need to but it doesn't define who i am. Yet they consider my sisters as more successful etc because they are able to work full time, whereas i work term time due to being unable to find affordable & specialised childcare for ds with SN.

I was so upset when i had to resign from my job 4 years ago...literally felt like a non person.

Its wrong that parenting is given so little kudos.

I agree with the post regarding teenagers, after 2 Im dreading the next one heading into the teens!!

Shellywelly1973 · 15/08/2013 00:16

Sorry phrase not parade!! Im on my mobile...Sorry!

TroublesomeEx · 15/08/2013 00:24

Oh my goodness!

Work
Hobbies
Volunteer
Friends
Fun
Social life
Adventures
New challenges

etc.

springytoofs · 15/08/2013 00:46

I've been kicking around for 2 years not knowing what to do with myself now mine are gone. Encouraging huh? ah well, real life (for me, anyway).

Being beside yourself with erm... nothing... is not so terrible. Well it's pretty aimless and you realise that the hobbies/job/go-getty types would spit on you if they knew. But they can fuck off tbf. Plus I've done all that job, hobby, volunteering, go-getty stuff and I ran out of steam - it just wasn't the same and I was kicking up a storm for the sake of it. I hide it - my inaction and aimlessness, that is. There are some things people just shouldn't see.

I'm sure I will look back on this time and think: what a rich time you had in the desert .

I adored being a mum and that's that. Now they're gone it is a challenge. But I'm sure something will evolve. I'm planning to travel and kick around the world, rather than my little patch; wander aimlessly further afield.

Enjoy those lovely years OP. I wouldn't swap them for anything and I'm so glad I had them.

Morloth · 15/08/2013 01:49

I think it changes gradually over time.

Just recently we have decided no more children, DS2 is 3 and that was a bit of a big decision.

DS1 is 9 however and whilst I love him as much as I ever have our relationship is starting to change.

There seems to be a lot more time for "Me" now, not just leisure, but for thinking about what I want and what my plan is.

Chottie · 15/08/2013 06:38

OP - it's lovely to read how much you are enjoying those special years with your DC. Mine are now grown and flown, I went to college, back to work, enjoyed being a couple again, found out that my adult children are now my friends :) spent time with my DPs, had some nice holidays, closed the bank of M&D (!)

And now the wheel has turned again and I am the besotted GM of a gorgeous 13 week old GS. I am loving all the cuddles and little gummy grins. I am sure he knows me already :)

LadyMilfordHaven · 15/08/2013 06:40

Oh op fgs man up. You should enjoy your kids becoming independent.

parttimer79 · 15/08/2013 07:07

My mum got a lodger :) Her lodger is nearly 10 years younger than me and she is quite happy to be mothered!
I moved out at 19 (apart from 3 months after my first marriage broke down) and now I'm in my 30s and about to have my first child we can have a lovely relationship as 2 adult women, she has been amazing since I've been pregnant. But I have always been very independent and she is one of life's natural carers so she needs someone to take these impulses out on!

tumbletumble · 15/08/2013 07:36

My DC are 3, 5 and 7. I'm a SAHM and these are the golden years for me - old enough for me to start getting my life back (DC3 is at pre-school in the mornings so I get some time to myself) but young enough so that I still feel very much like a mummy.

I am enjoying it sooo much and I do worry about how I'll feel when DC3 starts school in a year, and they all gradually start to gain independence. Get a job I suppose!

LadyMilfordHaven · 15/08/2013 07:46

God no. Teens are way more fun. Less mess

noddyholder · 15/08/2013 07:49

Men don't do,this. You really need to value your own life enough to maintain it. Teenagers are great really very funny and great company and it is a joy to see them do their thing.

JenaiMorris · 15/08/2013 08:08

It's lovely to hear people being so lovely about teenagers. Mine is almost 13 and whilst I'm fully aware that it won't all be plain sailing, as a rule I enjoy his company more and more.

I feel a bit sad that before long he'll want to go to car shows with his friends not me, but then it would be a bit odd if he didn't. And he'll need lifts for another 4 years at least.

dirtyface · 15/08/2013 08:09

me too OP

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 08:21

aww chottie i cant wait for grandbabies well not quite yet

LeGavrOrf · 15/08/2013 08:40

I do NOT want grandchildren for years and years, dear god no.

It was rather a sobering moment a few weeks ago when I looked at my dd (who was pulling stupid faces on snapchat ) and I realised at her age I was due to give birth. Thank god unlike me she has firm plans for the future which do not involve having a baby so early.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 08:43

I wouldnt want any now some of the girls dd went to school with have babies and toddlers and she said no way on earth would she want a baby then i think I was that age and pregnant , although it wasn't great having a baby so young was it,

LeGavrOrf · 15/08/2013 08:50

A girl who my dd went to play group with had a baby at 16, my dd was scandalised and said how daft etc. I thought carry on thinking like that.

I don't regret having her obviously, and it is nice having a teen when I am young myself but it was so bloody hard, you're right, and I wouldn't recommend it to anybody. I want her to have a bit of freedom without all that hard work and responsibility and worry when she is so young.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 08:53

I feel the same as you I dont regret it but dont wish it on anybody I think i was a wee bit older than you though when i had her but still too young.

on dd friends list on fb 6 of them have babies

LeGavrOrf · 15/08/2013 08:56

I look at photos of me holding dd in the hospital bed just after she was born and think Christ, I was just a baby myself.

janey68 · 15/08/2013 08:57

No way... Am looking forward to grandchildren in the fullness of time, but not yet, too many other exciting things for the dc ( and me!) to do before then

MorrisZapp · 15/08/2013 09:02

What an amazing thread! I love it because it shows that there is light at the end of the tunnel

I was 39 when I had my DS, a planned only. If he waits as long as me, I'll be a granny at 78. What fun!

I have loads of teenaged nieces and nephews, and I envy my siblings so much. Imagine taking your kids to proper comedians at the Edinburgh Festival, this is why I became a parent.

In fact my niece is one of my best friends. She helps out with DS and is magic company for laughs and conversation. She even likes some of my favourite books and tv shows too.

BRING IT ON!

Weegiemum · 15/08/2013 09:03

I went back to college, did a second degree, started volunteering now am in a (2 days a week) paid post in the same organisation, I do freelance work in the same field, also do some admin/funding work with my church. I'm disabled so everything takes a wee bit longer!
And because my work is with an education charity I'm still home for dc getting in from school and in holidays. They're pretty big lugs these days, but not old enough to be left and they do like having me about. Dh works long hours and nights on-call so we need the flexibility.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 09:07

I have been back and forward to college I dont think im clever enough to do a degree it scares me witless I volunteer term time and i do bits and bobs I too have a disability so full time work was never on the cards after i had children and DH shifts meant I was home for them anyway

LeGavrOrf · 15/08/2013 09:50

COURSE you're clever enough to do a degree.

It is great when they stop watching crap like Cartoon Network and HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING MUSICAL and watch decent telly, now me and dd watch the same stuff and argue over Don Draper.

mrsjay · 15/08/2013 09:52

god yes ed edd and fucking eddy used to do my head in and bloody camp rock all those smiley smiley disney children

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