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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think having multiple children+baby possibly easier than having 1 baby?

94 replies

honeytea · 13/08/2013 21:08

I have a ds who is 7 months old, we have to go out lits because ds gets frustrated and bored when we stay at home too much so each day we go to baby groups, massage, singing, that sort of thing. When we are home he_crawls about and I sing songs to him, we look at books, he has a treasure basket and lots of lovely toys.

Today we looked after a friend's 2 children (8 and 4) it was such a lovely easy day, we went to the park, watched the kids play on the trampoline, played in tge garden, made cakes, tge 8 year old read books to ds, the 4 year old madetowers for ds to look at push over we made a den in the living room and sang songs together.

It felt so much easier looking after 3, sometimes I find myself looking at ds thinking what shall we do next??! I feel bad but I struggle sometimes with the one sided conversation and looking after older kids at the same time it seemed easier to have kid appropriate conversations with all of them.

Am I being completely naive? Obviously my friend's kids were on their best behavior and tge baby was a novelty to them so they were happy to play nicely with him.

Aibu to think that 2+ kids is easier than 1? my period returned for the first time last month and my hormones are telling me to try for another baby!

OP posts:

nothingtoseeheremoveon · 13/08/2013 21:10

Certainly isn't at the moment with my 10 week twins, it's constant hard work, but I can see your point when they are older, they may entertain each other a bit.

vix206 · 13/08/2013 21:13

Ooh I hope so OP, pregnant with DC2 at the moment and hoping 3 yo DS + newborn wont break me!!!

kinkyfuckery · 13/08/2013 21:14

Yes, YABU.

Looking after two best-behaved children for a few hours does not match the reality of needing to be in two (or more) different places at once, and having to deal with arguing siblings.

maja00 · 13/08/2013 21:15

I doubt it!

Looking after one baby is pretty easy, you can do what you want really and have nap times to yourself, they're very portable etc. Two or more is harder.

Panzee · 13/08/2013 21:17

No.

Next!

SirChenjin · 13/08/2013 21:18

Nope, sorry! One child is easy peasy - it's only when you have 2 or more that you realise

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 13/08/2013 21:20

To be fair to you, the age your baby is at is hard work. I found it hard, they don't want to be left alone for a second, they can't get about themselves properly yet, they can't play alone or entertain themselves yet. It will get easier once he can follow you about a bit, and once his attention span grows a bit.

But once your baby is asleep, you have a little downtime! After age two, there are no naps so no peace, then you have another and there's still no peace until they're in school and the second baby naps.

My two are lively and challenging (third due tomorrow) eldest has mild asd, youngest is very headstrong and loud. They fight and argue, talk and scream literally from before I open my eyes to the moment they close theirs at night. It's not all fun and games although I wouldn't be without them obviously.

Every stage and combination of children has its trials, it too shall pass! {eye twitches}

vix206 · 13/08/2013 21:21

Wish I'd not checked back now!

stillenacht · 13/08/2013 21:22

Lol how can more reliant, dependent little people be easier than just one. No, definitely not

EagleRiderDirk · 13/08/2013 21:22

I have a 2.5yo and a 10m old. I find its both easier and harder. Easier because of the entertaining each other factor but far harder in the getting anywhere, trying to get them not to wake each other in the morning/naptimes/bedtime, sharing, feeding and transporting.

Original poster

honeytea · 13/08/2013 21:23

Aww rubbish I was hoping it would be easier! Looking after ds isn't exactly hard it's just I find myself a bit sort of lost at points in tge day.

I better reassess my non exsistant contraception method.

OP posts:

imip · 13/08/2013 21:23

I have a 6, 5, 3 and 1 year old. The 6 and 5 year old can be HELL! When they play nicely, it is sweet, when they fight, nearly 50% of the time, it is seriously testing. In the same way that a one year old can be testing. When dh and I have only one child we think that one child would be soooo easy.

YABU

Don't get me sorted on the guilt you have when you pay too much attention to one than the others. And the jealously!

dandydorset · 13/08/2013 21:23

yabu,for one there is no way you would be doing that many activities all the time

imagine when their all moaning their board

now do you see the reality

mumofweeboys · 13/08/2013 21:24

I have 4, 2 boys and a new born baby. The older two do play quite nicely together and don't require as much adult interaction as when I just had ds1. Big BUT I'm also referee as they constantly bicker, fight, copy each others bad behaviour. On a good day they are amazing on a bad day it's the absolute pits as I spend the whole day shouting. Then there is the guilt over not having enough time with each child.

Plus your ds is very young. It's awful to say but found ds1 babyhood to be a bit boring, it was only tolerable with toddler groups with adult interaction.

I loved the age gap between ds1 and ds2 as ds1 started playgroup three mornings a week when had ds2 so it worked out well. There much smaller gap between ds2 and ds3 and I've found that much harder work.

hazeyjane · 13/08/2013 21:24

If I had read your post earlier, after spending the morning trying to separate fighting dd1 and 2 (7 and 6) and stop ds (3) from screaming because his sisters were fighting, I would probably have just responded with a loud, unnerving maniacal laugh.

However, there are seconds moments where they all entertain each other and I think, how lovely it is to have 3 children!

maja00 · 13/08/2013 21:25

Are you doing a bit too much OP, trying to entertain him all the time?

Goldendandelion · 13/08/2013 21:25

YANBU. I have 7 children and find it much easier than 1.

jacks365 · 13/08/2013 21:26

They never nap at the same time so forget sleeping while the baby does. You significantly increase things like laundry. They fight and argue and when they get a bit older they need to be at events miles apart at the same time but it can't be all bad because I've got 4.

Kn1ttedWaffle · 13/08/2013 21:26

YABU!!
As the mother of a lovely 7 month old DC3 (and a 4 and 2 year old) I can say I really earn my two days 'off' where the eldest two are in nursery.
It is relentless. All day 'mummy, mummy, mummy!'
I love them to pieces but I also love Thursdays and Fridays where I can go back to bed with DS2 and just 'be' for a few hours.
(Plus there is three times as much tidying/washing/shopping/classes/cooking/you get the picture!)

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 13/08/2013 21:27

I have DSs 8 and 7yo, DD 4yo and ds 15 months. In some ways looking after the baby is easier because I have ds1&2 and dd to run little errands for me or keep an eye on him for 5 minutes while I jump in the shower.

Looking after all of them together, dealing with their collective issues and the near-constant bickering is NOT easier than when I only had ds1 to deal with.

I think the answer is probably to spend a bit more time with your friends and their children and take the pressure off yourself a bit WRT constantly finding activities for your 8 month old baby.

WaitMonkey · 13/08/2013 21:27

Bless you op, you are very wrong. But I do think its sweet that you think this.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/08/2013 21:28

Ha - no!

And the poor second/third whatever baby doesn't get to go to all those lovely groups and sit and sing songs with you for the afternoon because you are trying to keep your toddler amused, feed everyone, juggle naps/feeds/mealtimes.

There are lovely things about having more than one child, but it is definitely not easier!

unclefluffy · 13/08/2013 21:29

I found a 7 month old DD2 plus 4 year old DD1 WAAAY easier than just 7 month old DD1. I'm just starting to find two harder than one now (DD2 is 18 months). Mums of older kids tell me it's the fighting that gets to you after a whole...

pjmama · 13/08/2013 21:29

It's the constant bickering that wears you down. One is a doddle compared to two! Pre-kids I remember a couple of friends getting tipsy at a wedding and having a bit of a rant about how much harder it had been since their second ones were born and how they got barely a minute to themselves. At the time I thought they were exaggerating.

They weren't.

Indith · 13/08/2013 21:30

easier in terms of entertaining the baby but harder when they all need different things or when the big ones Santa day out somewhere unsuitable for baby to crawl or toddle so they have to spend all day in a sling or pushchair nd get really cross. just different dynamic I think. last night when dd was throwing up and needing a change of bed and a shower while the baby wanted to be clamped to my nipple it was hell. this afternoon when all 3 were playing duplo and the big ones were making the baby giggle while I collapsed on the sofa with my kindle it was great.

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