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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think having multiple children+baby possibly easier than having 1 baby?

94 replies

honeytea · 13/08/2013 21:08

I have a ds who is 7 months old, we have to go out lits because ds gets frustrated and bored when we stay at home too much so each day we go to baby groups, massage, singing, that sort of thing. When we are home he_crawls about and I sing songs to him, we look at books, he has a treasure basket and lots of lovely toys.

Today we looked after a friend's 2 children (8 and 4) it was such a lovely easy day, we went to the park, watched the kids play on the trampoline, played in tge garden, made cakes, tge 8 year old read books to ds, the 4 year old madetowers for ds to look at push over we made a den in the living room and sang songs together.

It felt so much easier looking after 3, sometimes I find myself looking at ds thinking what shall we do next??! I feel bad but I struggle sometimes with the one sided conversation and looking after older kids at the same time it seemed easier to have kid appropriate conversations with all of them.

Am I being completely naive? Obviously my friend's kids were on their best behavior and tge baby was a novelty to them so they were happy to play nicely with him.

Aibu to think that 2+ kids is easier than 1? my period returned for the first time last month and my hormones are telling me to try for another baby!

OP posts:

AWimbaWay · 13/08/2013 21:33

I'm going to go against the grain here and say YANBU.

I have three children and in general find it easier if they're all at home as they play together and occupy each other. Admittedly harder when out and about shopping, playgrounds, crossing roads etc.

Procrastinating · 13/08/2013 21:34

YABVU.
Babies sleep and they don't talk at you constantly. I think you are making life difficult for yourself. Take your baby on a long walk to a cafe, go home and put cbeebies on. Oh those were the days!

Imsosorryalan · 13/08/2013 21:35

Hahahahahahahahahahaah! Hang on hahahahaha!
Sorry, one child is like a holiday to be honest! Yes, they amuse each other for a while but unless I'm in the room with them, it soon turns to ww3!

choceyes · 13/08/2013 21:35

Haha no OP YABU!!

I have 2. They don't get on most of the time. Wants me all to them selves all the time. It is soooooo easy looking after just the one. Depends on your parenting style and the personalities of the children. I'd rather spend one to one time with them, I enjoy that more and so do they, maybe because I'm more relaxed when I'm just with the one (cos it's easier!)

pukkapine · 13/08/2013 21:35

actually, personally, I think there is some element of truth in what you found today. I certainly find my 3 (7, 3, 3) easier than I found just one. I simply don't have the time to get absorbed in finer details of the intensity of just one child. I also don't get bored (I did with just one young pre-verbal child). The DT's as babies were naturally entertained as a result of following their big bro to preschool/swimming lessons/friends houses etc. For me the biggest thing that's different with 3 compared to 1 (bearing in mind I never had 2 in between) is that my concerns/desires/wishes for each of them aren't as intense as when there was just DS. I'm also very much more accepting that for this time in my life I am in the 'kid-zone' - I don't begrudge my life being child centric in the way I seemed to with one. I love thinking of new things to do with the kids, little projects, watching them all develop, and now know (in a way I didn't quite get when DS was a baby) that young childhood is a very short time, and difficult phases pass quickly. However, all that comes with a huge caveat that I have been extremely fortunate to get 3 who rarely bicker - occasionally I get a bit of tit for tatting between the twins but very minimal and they are a very strong trio. It must be a completely different ball game if you're constantly having to referee siblings.

ThisWayForCrazy · 13/08/2013 21:38

I have found it easier with each new baby. We have 6 altogether, they entertain each other.

scraggydoodledo · 13/08/2013 21:40

No. Sorry OP. More children is harder and I'm afraid toddlers are harder than small babies but maybe that would suit you more. You sound like a lovely conscientious mother. I think I was with my first too but after that you are too busy and they have to get used to entertaining themselves more!

tumbletumble · 13/08/2013 21:43

I think YANBU.

My DCs are 3, 5 and 7. They play together a lot, I have to step in as peacemaker every now and then but mainly they get on pretty well.

Today the older two spent the day with their grandparents. I honestly found it the hardest day so far this holidays! My 3yo needed to be entertained by me as his siblings weren't here was losing my mind after 2 hours of Lego this morning

I can't bear to tell the truth to my in-laws who think they've given me a lovely day off!

pukkapine · 13/08/2013 21:43

also I think with one I didn't really know what I was doing so a lot of what I did was what I felt I 'should' based on what I read to be the 'perfect mother' e.g. DS started swimming lessons at 4 months despite the fact it put me through weekly agony as my pelvis was still screwed from the birth but I almost felt I had to to do right by him. The arrival of twins nicely threw me in to the 'good enough' parenting and accepting that as being just fine. They haven't missed out by not doing baby swimming, Jo Jingles, or as many toddler groups, they've just had a different (and to be honest) more relaxed baby and toddler-hood...

Procrastinating · 13/08/2013 21:44

You feel lost because it is boring OP. You don't need to fill the time with baby activities, do what you want to do -if you can remember what that is, I certainly couldn't at your stage.
Make the most of it, you won't be able to do what you want when you have more than one unless they are both asleep at the same time (very rare in my experience).

Bloob · 13/08/2013 21:44

I don't know. I think actually 2 can be easier than one. I think I find it easier. It obviously has bits that are harder, fighting, the guilt, dividing attention etc but in terms of "things to do" I love that there's more going on, more to do, they play nicely a lot of the time although have their moments.

That being said I too love the bits where it's just ds and I and he will potter about and I can do nothing much, but I don't think I'd feel that way if I had that all the time IYSWIM.. I found dd hard as a baby as there was less to do, and I over entertained! It was really exhausting. Maybe its just that I've got lazier

It can't be that bad as I'm ttc number 3!

neversleepagain · 13/08/2013 21:45

My twins are 10 months old. DH took one with him today and I had one. Easy day. Was thinking how different life would be with just one baby.

Fairyegg · 13/08/2013 21:48

Yabu. It's only when you have 2+ kids you realise how easy having 1 is.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 13/08/2013 21:53

I agree I find 3 easier than 1. Little did I realise until I was pregnant that having 2 was by far the easiest and 3 turned into not enough arms, not enough ears and not enough parents but number 1 was such a big change and everything was on a learning curve.

Ham69 · 13/08/2013 21:58

I can understand the frustration with a 7 month old and think it depends on the personality of the baby. I found my DC really tricky as babies and MUCH preferred the toddler stage and the age they are now that I can bribe reason with them.

Imsosorryalan · 13/08/2013 22:04

Actually, just remembered how much more entertaining it is having two in a paddling pool...

cantsleep · 13/08/2013 22:11

YABU

I have 4 dcs and atm it is hell.

They make lots of mess, lots of noise and the baby can never nap as they wake him.I had such an easy time with dc1 I wasn't tied to school drop off/pick up times etc and it was so easy.

That said, they are all lovely. 1 dc was easy, 2 was lovely, 3 dcs completely manageable although hard work and 4 is impossible (for me)!

Original poster

honeytea · 13/08/2013 22:11

I think maybe I just need to allow myself some guilt free-me time when ds is awake but safe just crawling around the living room. I think that was part of tge reason I found it easier today because I was so busy making lunch and answering questions like "why do people have toes" and "how do breasts make milk" that when I got 10/15 minutes to have a cuddle and a chat with ds it felt like he really enjoyed it and he wasn't trying to squirm away and practice walking.

When we are at home I feel guilty if I do the washing or cook a meal or mumsnet even if ds is in the same room as me, in eyesight and completely safe. I really adore ds and do love spending time with him I think I just need to stop thinking I need to be like a children's entertainer all day every day.

OP posts:

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2013 22:12

2 is double the work...is that not logical?

Of course the age difference makes a world of difference. You cannot compare having a baby and a 2 year old to having a baby and a 5 year old. Apples and oranges.

YAU to generalizing so greatly.

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2013 22:14

When I get alone time with one or the other of my children it feels like a vacation TBH. I just came in from a lovely afternoon solo with DS1 (3yrs) - so much more relaxing than when I'm out him plus DS2 (6months).

FixItUpChappie · 13/08/2013 22:15

that should say "with" him.

SukiBirdee · 13/08/2013 22:17

My DDs are 4 and 2 and currently at a stage where they play together so nicely that its easier to have them both around than just one.
I think it will be hard when DD1 starts school in September and I'm left with a screaming 2 year old all day...

So you are not necessarily being U. Although I realise this could all change at any time...

notanyanymore · 13/08/2013 22:26

YANBU it IS easier for the very reasons you state! I know have 3, its fab!

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 13/08/2013 22:51

At certain ages yes. When you have, for example, a 2 year old toddler, a three year old toddler and a baby who's always screaming...not so easy.

Sparklyboots · 13/08/2013 22:58

Well, I've got a 2.7yo and a 3mo and atm I'd say YABVU! It was easy today, OP, because the other children had someone else who was responsible for them while entertaining your child, so you got all benefit, no cost. I actually think what was probably making your day feel so very much easier is that you had another ADULT to talk to.

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