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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think having multiple children+baby possibly easier than having 1 baby?

94 replies

honeytea · 13/08/2013 21:08

I have a ds who is 7 months old, we have to go out lits because ds gets frustrated and bored when we stay at home too much so each day we go to baby groups, massage, singing, that sort of thing. When we are home he_crawls about and I sing songs to him, we look at books, he has a treasure basket and lots of lovely toys.

Today we looked after a friend's 2 children (8 and 4) it was such a lovely easy day, we went to the park, watched the kids play on the trampoline, played in tge garden, made cakes, tge 8 year old read books to ds, the 4 year old madetowers for ds to look at push over we made a den in the living room and sang songs together.

It felt so much easier looking after 3, sometimes I find myself looking at ds thinking what shall we do next??! I feel bad but I struggle sometimes with the one sided conversation and looking after older kids at the same time it seemed easier to have kid appropriate conversations with all of them.

Am I being completely naive? Obviously my friend's kids were on their best behavior and tge baby was a novelty to them so they were happy to play nicely with him.

Aibu to think that 2+ kids is easier than 1? my period returned for the first time last month and my hormones are telling me to try for another baby!

OP posts:
Sparklyboots · 13/08/2013 23:02

Oh, right, obvs hadn't read that correctly so you had neither another adult to talk to or take all the blame. I would say in my defence, I have a 3mo! But I should additionally point out that when the older children aren't your's, they are probably more inclined to play nicely with the younger one rather than smother it out of sibling rivalry or whatever the fuck it is that turns your angelic PFB into a marauding terror when your second comes along.

CharCharGabor · 13/08/2013 23:03

I find 3 easier than 1 tbh (have dd1 6, dd2 3 and dd3 8 months.) Although I think some of that is because I am more confident and relaxed. I do have my nightmare moments when everyone is acting up or bickering but overall I prefer it. I always felt like I was getting it wrong with dd1 but now it's not so bad. Although days are very busy trying to meet everyone's needs and give them all attention, I kind of prefer it that way!

So YANBU, I think! Grin

IneedAsockamnesty · 13/08/2013 23:03

I can't decide if you are or not

Because I've just hit my head on the bed I'm hiding under trying to avoid the two none sleeping satans spawn who are winding each other up,so its a bit hard to think.

googlyeyes · 13/08/2013 23:13

Yanbu. I have 3 children, the middle one with severe autism, and it's STILL easier than when I just had my first (dd). I nearly went out of my mind with the monotony, the one-sidedness of it all and the lack of routine. We were both bored as hell a lot of the time.

Having 2, then 3, was a breeze by comparison. We had nursery then school runs, play dates, after school activities etc, loads to keep us all busy. And of course the kids do entertain each other, even if it's often with fevered bickering Grin

kelpeed · 14/08/2013 04:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EmmaBemma · 14/08/2013 05:37

I find two much easier than one, undoubtedly, but three would be a whole different story.

Original poster
honeytea · 14/08/2013 05:46

I just ment more than one child of differing ages, parents of twins or more are magical beings and I have huge respect for you, I would in no way think baby twins is easier than 1 baby!

OP posts:
Twinklestarstwinklestars · 14/08/2013 05:50

I have an 8 year old, nearly 4 year old and a 6 week old, in some ways it's easier as the 8 year old and 3 year old do play together when not arguing and the 8 year old can do little jobs, but its harder in that I can't nap with the baby.

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 14/08/2013 05:52

honey I know what you mean actually- it's hard when you have a baby that needs constant interaction. Ds was like that and I found him quite hard as a baby because there's only so much you can do with them- you feel like a dick taking a 7 month old to the zoo, playground etc because what are they going to do when they get there? When DD was 7mo, DS was 2.5, so I just did stuff with him and dd tagged along or DS played at home and dd sort of joined in or watched. I didnt need to think about entertaining her so much.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 14/08/2013 05:56

Yanbu. All babies are different. My dd1 was a miserable only child. She is happiest when surrounded by people and would be happy in an absolutely huge family. I found keeping her entertained a constant mission when she was a baby. DS on the other hand would have been fine as an only, he is v self-contained. DD, however was much happier after ds came along.

It remains to be seen how adding number 3 to the mix will work out, but too late to back out now ;)

weebarra · 14/08/2013 06:07

A 7 month old is hard work, especially if you feel you need to be doing "stuff" all the time.
I have a nearly 3 year old and a 5.5 year old and bickering/killing each other is the major issue.
It's lovely when they do play together nicely though. I'm about to have #3 so we'll see how that changes the dynamic.

atrcts · 14/08/2013 06:29

I can't say I fully understand it, but I'm finding my SECOND baby much easier than my first was.

My health visitor seems to think its a combination of now being an experienced Mum, and having a much more placid baby second time round. Also the age gap is almost 3.5 years, which means my first child is able to dress himself and is toilet trained etc, so getting easier physically that way.

I was dreading having a second! But am actually enjoying it so much more than I did the first time, and so I'd say it's actually easier this time, even though I now have two children not one.

Of course it is early days yet, and I'm sure they will have their moments of bickering as they grow older (any of us didn't as kids?!), but I do remember that my first baby was so much more manageable around other kids, I an hoping they will also entertain each other between the anticipated bickering!

So I'd say from my experience thus far, you are being reasonable because not everyone has their easiest baby first, some of us have a 'baptism of fire' and then find to their surprise and delight that baby number two is far easier in comparison!

Flobbadobs · 14/08/2013 09:16

Actually you have a point. I have 3 and I do find it easier than having one in many ways, despite being older greyer and more knackered this time!
It boils down to experience and confidence I think plus the ages of the children. My eldest is pre teen and daughter is 8. When the baby was born I found the first months fairly smooth. Took me 3 goes to get there though.. Grin

petalsandstars · 14/08/2013 10:51

DD2 is 9 weeks and it is definitely harder with two. I spend much of my day stopping accidental harm from the toddler and shouting Blush

Looking forward to preschool for a couple of mornings in Sept for a bit of peace Grin

Snatchoo · 14/08/2013 11:05

You are insane if you can extrapolate a few hours with someone else's children into 'more than one is easier'.

sandwichyear · 14/08/2013 17:06

OP your post brought back so many memories of feeling that I had to entertain DS all the time when he was a baby, and feeling guilty if I was doing anything else when he was there other than being fully 'on' as a mummy. Then one day I realised that he was actually totally fine just amusing himself while I got on with stuff and was actually happy to have his own time. It was an issue in my own head rather than with him. So I totally sympathise. I'm expecting number 2 next month, so don't know how it will be yet, and I know it will be really hard with two, but I do think that one thing that will be easier is that I will be less hard on myself about being perfect all the time! Good luck and give yourself a break. Sounds like you are doing a great job.

attheendoftheday · 14/08/2013 18:03

I found baby dd2 plus toddler dd1 easier than baby dd1, but that is because dd1 was the incredible never-sleeping baby and dd2 is a lot more easy going.

Sallystyle · 14/08/2013 18:40

My friend thinks I have it easier than her because I have five kids (two with SN) because apparently they keep each other company and her lone child gets bored.

Err no! Mine fight all the darn time and drive me mad, not to mention all the appointments, washing, housework, rivalry, trying to spend time with each of them, the expense, etc etc She wouldn't last a minute in this house.

I know when two of mine go out just having three feels like a holiday Grin

Admittedly, I found it easier in some aspects when DS2 came along because DS1 could keep him occupied for a bit, but in general, the more kids you have the more work it comes with.

One seems like a walk in the park!

Don't get me wrong, I love having a big family but I had no idea quite how hard it would be when they started getting to the teen and tween stage, especially with SN's mixed in. That was a shock to the system! I found them all so easy up until age 12 years old.

RachelHRD · 15/08/2013 18:41

I'll lend you my 5 and 3 year old terrors little angels and you'll soon change your opinion!!

YABU looking after a friends kids who are likely to be on their best behaviour is very different from looking after a baby and older children. Make the most if your time together if you are planning on having more as you'll find it much harder when you have 2+ fighting for your attention!!

farewellfarewell · 15/08/2013 19:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Xmasbaby11 · 15/08/2013 19:25

I'm not convinced it's easier (although I only have 1 DD), but I think between the baby/toddler stage, children need a lot of attention and entertainment so I know exactly what you mean - DD was the same at 7mo. Wonderful, but I had to have ideas of things to do and go out a lot. It was really tough in the winter.

Ilovemyself · 15/08/2013 19:28

Yanbu. We have 17 mo twins and a 5 mo. The biggest issue is to find time to do the boring stuff, as we find my wife and kids have a hectic social life!

flatmum · 15/08/2013 19:28

do you know I kind of found that with my third? - I barely noticed any impact of having him around as a baby, he just slotted right in and was a cute cuddly little bundle that always smiled at me, was pretty clean most of the time and smelt nice and didnt give me any backchat or grief - compared to his 2 elder brothers he was a dream!

bishboschone · 15/08/2013 19:30

No it's not.. They all want different things at different times , and need mummy . Poor older ones get left out and upset because youngest take her too much Of mummy's time .Hmm

Caff2 · 15/08/2013 19:44

It's harder for me. But I've got a twelve year gap and a thirteen and one year old, so I've gone from one fairly mild mannered twelve year old to a toddler and teenager in one year.

It's great. And wearing :)

I think Yanbu. But I might be wrong.

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