To be ashamed of my house?

[Smoothcriminals]

I probably am being stupid more than anything, I hope I am being stupid. I mean how much would you judge somebody on their house?

I'm a single parent to one child and I live in a HA house. I do work by the way.

It's a nice house, it's no mansion but it's less than 15 years old, has a garden, the area isn't too bad, to put it one way it's one of the better council/HA properties. And I do feel very lucky and happy to rent my home in the current climate and have some security in my home.

But, everytime I go to friends houses, they have beautiful interiors and decorating and lovely expensive furniture, lovely kitchens and garden etc.

I've done my best to make my house nice by painting and buying what nice things I can, and I have managed to get some nice bits and pieces, and it's clean but everything is so basic.

Such as I've got really cheap basic flooring, and it's getting worn out now but I can't afford to replace it. My decorating and DIY skills aren't the best, the kitchen is old and tatty as HA only fit basic kitchens and unfortunately the previous tenants didn't look after it, so it was already tatty before I moved in. Some of the tiles around the bath are cracked, I can't do tiling and paying someone would be too expensive at the minute but HA won't replace them as it's cosmetic. Bathroom is a lovely size but it's all fitted rather strangely, so for example when you sit on the toilet the sink is right in your face, of course there's no shower, taps are all cracked but again HA won't replace as it's cosmetic.

Dc's room is nice but in my room I've got old furniture that's all falling apart.

The house just feels unloved, it's got so much potential but it needs money spending on it or someone who's really good at DIY. Even the garden has so much potential and this is something I could do, but because I'm working FT I feel as though I never get chance to put the hours in.

I don't want to bring anyone round because I feel embarrassed. I'm even worried that people might not want their kids playing with my dc if they see my house.

I know it shouldn't be like that, but people can be quite judgemental and materialistic. Plus I just get quite depressed because I'm in this great house and I feel as though it's almost going to waste.

As someone who is a fan of the 'earthquake at a flea market look' I don't think there's anything to worry about.

Concentrate on enjoying yourself in your home (remember it is a home not a show house) No one worth knowing will say 'smooth is a lovely woman, but I went right off her when I discovered two of her bathroom tiles are cracked.)

Anyone who gives a shiny shite whether your carpets are worn, the table lamps are last year's style (or anything else that really doesn't matter) isn't worth knowing.

I always feel I will have a 'proper' house when I grow up. . . And I have 5 grandchildren.

I am lucky in that we own our small terraced house, but I am dreadful when it comes to saving up to actually improve it!

We need some new windows so I am going to look on eBay, (thanks for jogging my memory, I will measure up this morning) and will get a fitter to out them in.

Our kitchen doors cost £1 each when B&Q were doing a clear out, the sink was £15, same, and the bath was £9. The lad who plumbed it in said, 'but it has a few marks?' I was just really pleased that it is a nice bath. We used tile paint to cover the hideous tiles.

Our house is very eclectic, full of books and bits, I know people love to come here and that is the most important thing. Make sure it's clean(ish) and that you offer a cuppa/drink and thats what people will remember.

I am very fortunate that DP and I had a lightbulb moment about possessions and material things quite early on. It is experiences that have meaning. Don't get me wrong I am writing this on my iPad, I embrace new technology, but we had so many gadgets and belongings that we never used that we realised we need to stop before we buy things. I am always choosing things in shops only to decide I can live without it before I get to the till.

eBay and charity shops and a tin of paint are your friends along with the realisation that people remember YOU not your possessions!

Someone I love said to me, your house is a sanctuary when people need support and I think that's better than anything.

Totally understand how you feel. If you're not a fan of shabby chic but really crave a smooth expensive look then you will be uncomfortable with what you've got. I hope people will not judge you, if they do their not worth worrying about. I'm sure people think I don't make the most of my house as its a bit of a mess frankly but I've given up apologising. Remember the people you are comparing yourself to are probably couples with two incomes and/or more time. Please try not to judge yourself harshly. You are doing your best.

I completely get it. I really don't like my house - there are loads of little jobs that need doing that I can't afford to do or don't know how to do. I am trying bit by bit to improve it, by saving up for improvements and learning new skills, but I know it's slow ... it's so hard because everyone seems to have immaculate, beautiful houses nowadays - I'm sure it wasn't like that when I was growing up! DH and I seem to be the only ones among our friends who have hand me down furniture, and the kitchen/floors/bathroom suite that was there when we moved in.

The B+Q courses already mentioned are brilliant and FREE if you sign up to their club online! I've done some at the Bolton store and the teachers are really good, not patronising and there's no hard sell. I tiled my bathroom walls (floor to ceiling, 4 walls) and grouted it all, just had a bit of help cutting round the loo/shower/sink.

I know my real friends couldn't care less that my hall carpet is threadbare, because they just want to get inside and eat cake and gossip! It's crap feeling like I should have a beautiful house like everyone else, and that I've failed because I'm almost 30 and still living in a bit of a studenty house, but I WILL get there, so will you ((unmumsnetty hug))

We are in our forties, lived in our house for twelve years and we have old second hand furniture. Nothing matches, we have some nice flooring I got cheap from b&q but no skirting. We had a wood burner fitted which I love, but its not painted where the plastererings been done. But its all right. I always have kids round here. My friend across the road has an immaculate house which is far bigger than.my three bedder. She is round here far more often than I am at hers. Probably because I always have the kettle on

Maybe look out for carpet off cuts, providing the rooms aren't too massive. We've had some from carpet world and never spent more than £100 per room. And that's having them fitted - if you've got a friend to help that could make it even cheaper.

Your house sounds lovely (and just like mine) - worn, tired, shabby but full of love, welcoming, friendly. I would prefer that to a show home you can't breathe in in case something is damaged

One of the nicest houses I've visited whilst working belonged to a young couple who had barely any money. They were such an eccentric couple and had furnished their home from the rubbish tip, skips, ebay and by accepting offers of second hand items. Nothing matched in the slightest, most of their furniture was knackered past its best, but I just loved being in their home as it had such a nice feel to it. There were so many interesting things to look at that you just didn't notice things like cracked tiles. They had done their own amazing art for the walls and just about everything in the house had a story behind it (where they found it, who gave it to them). I think what was nice is that they had their home how THEY liked it and were not in the slightest bit interested in impressing anyone. I would love to have their style, so much nicer than the bland 'off the shelf' stuff.

Enjoy your home and sod what everyone else thinks.

Okay-I'll admit it, I do sometimes judge people's houses. I'm not proud of it. But I find a lack of imagination, coupled with a lot of money spent are the things that make me raise an eyebrow. And tbh it embarrasses me to type that really. Your home sounds warm and welcoming and fwiw I would love to visit. Not that my opinion counts for much. I know the feeling though. I have a friend from way back who places way too much emphasis on lifestyle stuff and I know she'd judge my house for being a bit tired and too small. I don't really want her round because I feel a bit protective of the home I love. But then I think the friendship's over really anyway.

I judge when people get ALL their (bland,matching)furniture from Oak Furniture Land, and have beige...everything! Also, fake flowers in vases,plug in air fresheners and no books.
In fact, I get anxious in houses where there is no STUFF. Where are the photos, the knick knacks, the books, the piles of newspapers..?
Do these people have a giant cupboard somewhere that they cram all the evidence of their lives into?
On my kitchen table right now there are 3 books, a pile of drawings, some pens, a fruit bowl, phone charger, a newspaper, a bowl with spare change and curtain hooks in in (?) and my make up bag!
It's quite tidy today.

I can only agree with the other posters here. People visit your house to see you, and as long as it is clean and welcoming, then you have nothing to worry about.

If you did want to freshen up a bit, DIY stores have tile paint and cupboard paint?

You could embrace the shabby chic thing and learn how to make a rag rug for what you see as the more tired areas?

My best friend doesn't like her house and the landlord won't let her paint it, or make repairs. It is a lovely house, but just need smartening up a bit. It took her about a month to get the dog smell out of the carpet! But I'm not there to see her house, I'm there to see her. I only know about the problems because she told me.

Have you asked the friends that have seen your house what they like most about it? It will probably be something you've overlooked!

Please don't be so critical of your house. As long as you like living there, that's all that matters.

I just remembered.

Frame your son's artwork! They will be one of a kind!

Check out charity shops...they are normally still quite cheap. Remove the old picture .... :)

I going to go against the grain and say sounds more like your getting complacent and passing the buck somewhat to the HA.

Get some books from the library on diy, go on some free courses and get the small jobs like the tiling, taps changing done. It wont cost the earth and make a load of difference.

As for the kitchen ask the ha what you can do paintimg cupboards and decluttering make masses change,

If your furniture doesn't match tie in with matching cushions throws. Paint what you can to match and maybe have fun with decopage, especially in kids rooms where you can use cartoons etc. It gives things a new lease of life.

Theres so much you can do for pence. No debt needed.

As for those who suggests those with style are the same ir in debt is untrue, I have both with no debt and very individual art ( mostly originals from artists all over the world)

we bought a house 4 years ago. In order to get the space needed we compromised on decor (aswell as the important stuff- single glazed rotten Windows, ancient boiler). All our spare cash had been spent on new Windows and a boiler so the decor has had to stay. Currently my stairs have no carpet and the laminate in the livingroom stops about 2 foot before the door. The kitchen is falling to bits and the bedroom walls show where the previous owners painted around their furniture.

But it's warm, dry and houses lots of happy memories. We will get there eventually. Friends never comment on the decor bit do comment on the views and the space. Interestingly most of my friends are now in similar situations as they have just moved to bigger houses to start families and have chosen space over prettiness. We trade skills/manpower to help each other and my friend who is a single mum will bake cakes/ offer free babysitting in exchange for friends helping with jobs. My dh layoff get living room floor in exchange for overnight babysitting :-) Maybe this is something you could offer to friends?

I am ashamed of my house. We have lived here for a number of years now but the place has gone to rack and ruin as dh says we cant afford to decorate it

I never invite friends round-its actually become a bit of a running joke now-I laugh with them but Im actually embarrassed.

We recently got a new bathroom installed which is fantastic but is the tip of the iceberg! Our kitchen is about 30 years old,windows ditto,holes in ceiling where old bath leaked,ancient carpets etc.

It depresses me tbh so I do empathise with how you feel.

mrsbucket great name in context! I might have given the wrong impression a little. I mean I have painted every room, more than once in neutral colours over the time I've lived here, when I moved in nearly every room was bright colours with paint all over the ceiling, skirting boards, and I've done all that. I've done ds room, I won't say what theme as it's a bit different and I'd be outed. But it's been painted, new nice bits and bobs twice since we've lived here, his room and the living room are probably the best rooms in the house.

I agree I can't place responsibility of cosmetic stuff on the HA, they have a lifespan of 35 years on kitchens and 20 (I think) on bathrooms, but they're pretty good at doing any essential repairs like the boiler. I'm a bit scared to start messing with taps and tiles incase I make it worse and can't put it right. But I could definitely do a bit of research or try the B&Q courses/books.

I have got a bit complacent with the kitchen, I painted it over a year ago, I've got a decent table which I got for a good price, got some new things, but I managed to rip the lino floor moving the fridge break the blind trying to get it down to paint, and even though I've scrubbed out all the cubboards, there are marks that won't come off and bits peeling off the units. I've sort of given up with it a bit since then but I'm sure there is more I can do with what's there.

This thread has really cheered me up that know I'm not the only one, and also to not worry so much. It's also given me some more ideas to keep going and make the best of what I can do.

I think I've also been comparing my home with a few people I know who have got sparkly, picture perfect homes, and I've probably got a bit of the grass is greener going on.

pinupgirl it does get you down.

It's the kitchen and bathroom that get me down the most. The bathroom was bright purple with holes in the walls where the HA had ripped off toilet roll holder, mirror and stuff, I've filled them in and painted but it still just looks a bit wierd. You'd have to see it to understand, the layout is just strange, it's a really big bathroom but everything's squashed up one end with a big load of space up the other! Everyone asks why the sink is on top of the toilet! At least it's unique I suppose.

Good, true friends will love the warm welcome, the great atmosphere and the friendliness of your house. Those who don't, don't matter.

We did our kitchen a while back. It had horrible dark varnished pine cupboards that were past thier best so we painted them with cream cupboard paint, did the walls a blue/green colour, new handles, some shelves, new assessories, table cloth etc. it cost about £250 all in and looks sooooooo much better. Before I would try not to let anyone in e kitchen but now I don't mind. it obviously isn't as nice as a brand new kitchen and I would love new cooker/appliances etc but it's better than it was.

I know how you feel. I take in foreign students - and most of them are very wealthy. My house is erm tired . There are holes in the stair carpets which I nearly die about every time I introduce a new student. There is a carpet in the bathroom which is rank. A new student arrived the other day and he reeks of wealth and privilege (lives in central Paris) - I got a fit of the overwhelming giggles when I was showing him around. I thought it was because my sandals kept 'farting' but it was actually hysteria because I felt so ashamed of my house.

BUT they all love it here. I lean heavily on the 'bohemian' idea but it's tosh really - I'd like things to be a bit more sleek. I'm a good cook and I focus on that.

I get anything and everything from charity shops. Any DIY I do myself and always have (it's obvious sometimes tbf ) - youtube is your man on this, it's not hard just getting going is the difficult bit

Draw up a list of the things that are the most important to you, the things that make you cringe the most iyswim. Then work your way through the list. Getting new carpets is not the easiest - I can't count the number of times I've been to a carpet shop and got things priced up but slunk away knowing full well I can't afford to get them done. Rugs - look in charity shops, skips - it's ridiculous what people throw out. I recently found some big carpet offcuts in a charity shop for £3 each and I'm gearing up to do the stairs myself (I found the underlay in a skip). Gearing up being the operative phrase, mind, because I posted about it months ago on here and I still haven't done it. Apathy eh.

Seize the day!

You know what? I feel the same about my house. It's a bit shabby and tired-looking and all I can see when I look at it is the bad stuff.
But everyone who comes round comments on how cozy and welcoming it is. Although that could be because I have the lights on low to hide the scuff marks on the walls...

My point is, people generally won't/don't notice the negatives like we do. They tend to pick up on the atmosphere of the house, rather than the decor. I'll bet the immaculately decorated houses aren't as warm-feeling and friendly as yours is.

Us single parents should get together imo. Do a skills swap/work on projects together.

I completely agree other people often see the positives with your house that you don't.

My house is an unfinished building project. There is not one room which is 'done'. Some rooms have no doors, lots have no architrave/skirting, several have no curtains (because I can't put rails up), quite a few walls are half painted, or need redoing. My bathroom has missing tiles, and a big gap where the shower should be. My walk in wardrobe (ha!) is full of boxes. Another bedroom is only used for storage as it has a big hole in the floor. And the garden is a wilderness.

But my friends who come don't see all the bad stuff I notice all the time, they all say how big it is, how bright etc.

I wish I had the time and expertise to finish it, or people to help me (friends are not interested/ too busy). I'd pay if I could find someone to do it cheaply enough. I suspect it won't happen, and in another 5 years I'll still have a hole in the floor!

I would not judge it at all. I think every house however expensive or basic looks warm and loved if it is clean. The only thing I would frawn upon is if I find a whole dinner of mouldy food on kitchen floor.
I really think there is nothing to judge as ur home is fab as it is

Well now I know how bad my house is as friend of my dcs who is 5-asked me this morning why my house is so dirty !!! He was referring to the hall carpet-same carpet when we moved in 12 years ago and it was old and tired then