To be ashamed of my house?

[Smoothcriminals]

I probably am being stupid more than anything, I hope I am being stupid. I mean how much would you judge somebody on their house?

I'm a single parent to one child and I live in a HA house. I do work by the way.

It's a nice house, it's no mansion but it's less than 15 years old, has a garden, the area isn't too bad, to put it one way it's one of the better council/HA properties. And I do feel very lucky and happy to rent my home in the current climate and have some security in my home.

But, everytime I go to friends houses, they have beautiful interiors and decorating and lovely expensive furniture, lovely kitchens and garden etc.

I've done my best to make my house nice by painting and buying what nice things I can, and I have managed to get some nice bits and pieces, and it's clean but everything is so basic.

Such as I've got really cheap basic flooring, and it's getting worn out now but I can't afford to replace it. My decorating and DIY skills aren't the best, the kitchen is old and tatty as HA only fit basic kitchens and unfortunately the previous tenants didn't look after it, so it was already tatty before I moved in. Some of the tiles around the bath are cracked, I can't do tiling and paying someone would be too expensive at the minute but HA won't replace them as it's cosmetic. Bathroom is a lovely size but it's all fitted rather strangely, so for example when you sit on the toilet the sink is right in your face, of course there's no shower, taps are all cracked but again HA won't replace as it's cosmetic.

Dc's room is nice but in my room I've got old furniture that's all falling apart.

The house just feels unloved, it's got so much potential but it needs money spending on it or someone who's really good at DIY. Even the garden has so much potential and this is something I could do, but because I'm working FT I feel as though I never get chance to put the hours in.

I don't want to bring anyone round because I feel embarrassed. I'm even worried that people might not want their kids playing with my dc if they see my house.

I know it shouldn't be like that, but people can be quite judgemental and materialistic. Plus I just get quite depressed because I'm in this great house and I feel as though it's almost going to waste.

You sound like you are judging your own house. Is anyone actually judging it amongst your friends?

I am really, noones ever said a word and my older sister said I was being ridiculous. I don't have many people round apart from people who I know won't judge, friends I've had for years, family, my lovely neighbour. But I've made some new friends recently through work and also through school, and I really want to invite them around, but having seen their houses I do actually feel a bit inadequate.

Can you focus on having one best room that you get some colour for- charity shop cushions, a nice throw for the sofa- and maybe keep the grass cut in the garden?

I have got nice cushions, curtains and vases and stuff in a couple of the rooms, living room, bedrooms, but (and I'm probably being really daft here), I think they look lovely but make the flooring look even cheap and worn out.

I do keep the garden tidy and grass cut, so it's not a real state or anything. I haven't really got any excuses with the garden actually because it's quite basic and just needs fences painting and some nice flowers to brighten it up.

Thanks for the replies, I think I just needed a bit of reassurance and a bit of a kick up the bum to do the things that I can do.

As long as its clean it's not a problem.You sound lovely I'm sure anyone who visits visits for you not your house.

Totally understand.

A vile colleague (who's also a friend of a friend which is why I'm privy to this info) went to another friend of a friend's house for dinner one evening. My friend told me the following day that this twunt had taken great pleasure in actually photographing, on her phone, various parts of this girl's house she found cheap/disgusting;

Toilet that wasn't pristine, worn carpet here and there. My friend thought her behaviour was disgusting, most people would agree.

Thankfully these sad bastards are few and far between and, as pointed out above, are the sort of people you don't really need/want in your life anyway (above mentioned twunt hasn't slept with her husband since her kids were born, 6-7 years ago, so not all is rosy and shiny - maybe if she polished her hubby's cock as often as her perfect home eh?)

Anyway, relax. Warmth, cleanliness, tea and biscuits and most importantly the lovely you are why they're there...

Stop worrying!

I have a distinctly 'bohemian' interior. Which doesn't really fit in as many of my neighbours are of the large flowered paper feature wall, leather sofa variety.

I've got a huge multi coloured rag rug, my grandma's old 3 piece suite, some Moroccan lamps, things I've made and a lot of mis matched furniture that I've co-ordinated with a spot of decoupage! My house is very interesting. There's lots of stuff to look at, but it's nowhere near as 'naice' as many of my friends' houses!

I love it, but I'm aware that it's not really what a lot of people expect to see!

But do you know what, my friends like it, I like it, my children like it and if anyone else is going to judge me because I don't have a living house straight out of a catalogue then more fool them!

Whenever I apologise to my ex MIL for the state of the house she always says "I come round here to see you, lovely. Not your house"

And it's true.

As long as its clean and tidy I wouldn't worry, I wouldn't think badly of anyone with a shabby house. My house is trashed thanks to my wee boys and oh who works away - no DIY done as oh not home long enough and money is tight.

I'm slowly learning to doing bits as I can as I hate the broken bits in my house - you tube tutorials are fab. I'm currently trying to fix up the bathroom so far I've painted, resealed the bath and sink, replaced taps - cheap ones off eBay, honestly if anyone can do it I can.

Just try and do one thing a week. There are tutorials about covering cracked tiles and painting them. Keep an eye on gumtree for furniture.

I grew up having all white melamine furniture in my bedroom it was cheap and cheerful but do you know what it was great as mum let me stencil the furniture and decorate it

I kind of know how you feel, but you can do a lot with textiles etc when you just cant do anything about the infastructure.
Its hard to be a working single parent and get stuff done though, so dont beat yourself up about it.
You are really lucky to have a nice HA place-I am in private, and things like scruffy kitchens etc , well, you have to live with them, because no private landlord will ever do anything like that.
I keep an ex boyfriend on staff for the occasional odd job-he was a rubbish boyfriend, but quite handy with a drill/trips to IKea. (Why throw the baby out with the bathwater, I say!)
I have painted in colours I like, got lovely cushions, and covered big canvases with funky wallpaper. I have painted old furniture and my house gives the impression of being colourful and interesting, even though essentially there are lots of crumbling bits and a very old sofa etc.
A lot of dc's friends live inlarge immaculate houses, with amazing gardens etc, but I am not ashamed of being poor. I only feel uncomfortable if people are uncomfortable with me. And then they can just fuck off, because actually my house looks cool, and I have done it all myself, from junk shops and with imagination.
Dont compare yourself to others-make your house what youlike, and love it.

tapdancingpimp that is really, really nasty. I would hope that anyone would just think she was vile for doing that. It's one thing looking and judging a bit in your head but to actually take photos to mock somebody.

It's funny really because I do know people who are quite well off, but they're not houseproud at all and prefer to spend their money on other things. I've got a couple of friends like this, one send her kids to private school but she isn't bothered about expensive clothes or house stuff.

I like the idea of having a certain style or doing something a bit different. I think I'll get out in the garden before Summer is over as it's something that my son can do with me too, and it would be fairly cheap to just woodstain fences, maybe plant some flowers or shrubs (not sure if I've missed the boat there though this year), perhaps I'll find greenfingers and be the one with the tatty house but immaculate garden..

I always feel quite embarrassed about our house. It needs a lot of work and we don't have the money to do it all at once.

Over the years though, I seem to have gravitated towards people who are a bit like us. i.e. it's ok to have a hole in your sofa or no carpet in the bedroom.

It's very true that it doesn't matter to people who matter.

One of my friends made me laugh. I told her I was embarrassed to invite new people round because of the state of our bathroom - it's half done up with no tiles, bathside or flooring and a hideous ancient loo. Why she said - they'll think you're in the middle of decorating, whereas I know it's been like that for 7 years.

You are really lucky to have a nice HA place-I am in private, and things like scruffy kitchens etc , well, you have to live with them, because no private landlord will ever do anything like that.

I know I am really lucky in that respect. I didn't expect to be offered a nice HA house to live in but I wasn't really in a position to be fussy at the time. But you know what, these days I feel as though you're even made to feel ashamed for renting from a HA/council. Because of all the media at the minute I'm worried that people must have a really bad impression of renting social housing.

One of my friends made me laugh. I told her I was embarrassed to invite new people round because of the state of our bathroom - it's half done up with no tiles, bathside or flooring and a hideous ancient loo. Why she said - they'll think you're in the middle of decorating, whereas I know it's been like that for 7 years

This made me laugh. When I lived with my parents it was always a running joke with everyone, because my dad was decorating the bathroom for 15 years. When he did eventually do it, they moved within two years to a smaller place

I am in the same position, but honestly, my friends do not ever say anything bad about my house. One particular friend knows I want to get some DIY done (painting, wallpapering, new flooring) and she is DYING to help out. I'm going to hold her to that.

I'm glad it's not just us Smooth!

Oh great, I've just put my recorded Corrie on to an ad for bathrooms with a woman soaking in a massive stand alone bath all picture perfect.

Thanks though, replies have made me feel better, I just need to get confident now.

I think it's also how, you know when you're a child and you imagine where you'll be when your 20, 30, 40. What you'll be doing, where you'll be living. Well I'm nowhere near where I thought I'd be, and having the same old struggles, it's a bit meh.

I suppose your idea of the future comes from when you're growing up. We were a military family growing up and often were in basic housing by military bases, until later in my dad's career. When he finally retired, while I was still at home, we moved into a house that I swear was under reconstruction/redecoration for the entire time my parents lived there! My dad was brilliant at DIY and fixed it up great - then my parents finally sold it and moved. So years of the house being in an ongoing state of repair is my norm, I think.

This may help you feel better...

We have a tiny bathroom with the most hideous, enormous LEMON suite, and the downstairs loo is fecking BLUE!!!

And thanks to our bloody useless surveyor totally missing rising damp everywhere downstairs we have completely spent our redec money and can't now get rid of the most shameful and embarrassing facilities in the modern world. Oh and both rooms are tiled to fecking match - including the sodding ceilings!!

triggles I think I'm the opposite, well I grew up in a house that was constantly being decorated, but never got finished. My dad was good at DIY but could never finish a job. I think I hoped I'd be different to all that by the time I reached my parents age.

Can you paint the floor? I have no idea, but there must be a paint for it!

I think B&Q does teaching sessions, look into it, they might have one on tiling, why not do it yourself?

I would, every time the house needs decorating I send the child and his co-procreator somewhere and I just paint and decorate for a week ( annual leave) :)

Smooth I still remember only being able to use one of the two bathrooms, as one had no toilet , washing up in a kitchen sink in a kitchen with no cupboards and the walls down to bare wood framing with the sink framed in 2x4s, and then while Dad was working on the kitchen, we had to do the washing up in the upstairs bathtub. Never a dull moment. I thought my mum would go mad. I don't know how many times she would say "for the love of God, is this house EVER going to be done?!?!"

And thanks to our bloody useless surveyor totally missing rising damp everywhere downstairs we have completely spent our redec money and can't now get rid of the most shameful and embarrassing facilities in the modern world. Oh and both rooms are tiled to fecking match - including the sodding ceilings!!

I'll take your tiled ceilings and raise you ARTEX!

No seriously I know it isn't always easy for homeowners or anyone to necessarily get their home the way they'd like it. It does make me feel better in an 'I'm not the only one' kind of way.

heheheee Artex. yep. got that.

you are definitely not the only one. I try to take pleasure in little changes. I'm going to be ripping out the manky carpet tiles in the main hallway and putting laminate tiles down. At least it will be easier to clean!! And god, the idiot that put carpeting in our downstairs bathroom - with 2 little boys, it is just vile. I am ripping that out and putting laminate tiles there as well. Not too expensive and easy to do myself.

triggles that does sound chaotic, I think with us it was more my dad would decorate, but he'd never finish a room, so once we had no living room door for a couple of years, or there'd be a strip of wallpaper that was never put up.

He never got round to the big jobs kitchen/bathroom because he said it was too distuptive as everyone needed to use them!

Learn some DIY :-) grouting is easy.

No one that matters will judge you.

failing that find a man

You could ask on Freecycle/Freegle and get some nice bits, paint, even kitchen cabinets and then ask round to see if your friends will lend a hand. It can be fun! and cheap/free!!!