To be ashamed of my house?

[Smoothcriminals]

I probably am being stupid more than anything, I hope I am being stupid. I mean how much would you judge somebody on their house?

I'm a single parent to one child and I live in a HA house. I do work by the way.

It's a nice house, it's no mansion but it's less than 15 years old, has a garden, the area isn't too bad, to put it one way it's one of the better council/HA properties. And I do feel very lucky and happy to rent my home in the current climate and have some security in my home.

But, everytime I go to friends houses, they have beautiful interiors and decorating and lovely expensive furniture, lovely kitchens and garden etc.

I've done my best to make my house nice by painting and buying what nice things I can, and I have managed to get some nice bits and pieces, and it's clean but everything is so basic.

Such as I've got really cheap basic flooring, and it's getting worn out now but I can't afford to replace it. My decorating and DIY skills aren't the best, the kitchen is old and tatty as HA only fit basic kitchens and unfortunately the previous tenants didn't look after it, so it was already tatty before I moved in. Some of the tiles around the bath are cracked, I can't do tiling and paying someone would be too expensive at the minute but HA won't replace them as it's cosmetic. Bathroom is a lovely size but it's all fitted rather strangely, so for example when you sit on the toilet the sink is right in your face, of course there's no shower, taps are all cracked but again HA won't replace as it's cosmetic.

Dc's room is nice but in my room I've got old furniture that's all falling apart.

The house just feels unloved, it's got so much potential but it needs money spending on it or someone who's really good at DIY. Even the garden has so much potential and this is something I could do, but because I'm working FT I feel as though I never get chance to put the hours in.

I don't want to bring anyone round because I feel embarrassed. I'm even worried that people might not want their kids playing with my dc if they see my house.

I know it shouldn't be like that, but people can be quite judgemental and materialistic. Plus I just get quite depressed because I'm in this great house and I feel as though it's almost going to waste.

Yep. I have one friend that loooooves to wallpaper, and one that loves to paint and do any type of DIY. They've been told they're welcome here ANYTIME! I have a book of DIY covering all sorts of household jobs from B&Q and you tube has LOADS of DIY videos on every project imaginable.

I quite like learning new skills. I would loooove to learn how to skim walls - it's desperately needed around here!

I bet it's not half as bad as you think. A window box/hanging basket with some bright pansies makes a place look inviting. Lots of art/photos around the place. Nice fabrics for curtains, cushions, etc. Rugs to cover the worn flooring if it bothers you so much? Our original floorboards are in terrible need of a resanding and re-painting but we're too lazy and also it's a rented house - the LL would view it as cosmetic so no point in asking. Our house is pretty ramshackle but I love it, it's filled with personal items like books, 'art' my DS has made, art and photographs me, DH and our friends have made, and I've out my stamp on it by making sure the rooms are comfy with soft furnishings, rugs and a dab of paint. You should see my 1980s kitchen units! Horrendous, but functional. Don't worry, anyone who judges you based on your house is a bore. Imagine having so little to think about that you judge people based on their cracked taps!

A nice throw rug hides a flooring flaw. A nice strategically placed framed picture hides a blemish on the wall. It's all in the arrangement.

We moved house last summer, and whilst its big enough for us, has a bigger garden, close to amenities & a good school etc etc, its quite shabby (whereas our last house, we had 'done' most of). Pretty much every room needs something doing & we don't have the time, money or inclination to do it all yet. I notice all the flaws, niggles, imperfections.

I have some friends who have huge lovely houses & I feel a bit embarrassed by mine, yet when we talk about things, they tell stories of work to be done, improvements to be made, flaws they've found.

I think generally everyone is their own (or their home's) harshest critic - other people just don't notice it.

the OP could have been written by me, i'm in EXACTLY the same boat (well almost)

We've got wood chip, artex, weird paint colours, pebbledash, overgrown garden, dodgy furniture that isn't cool or nice, just ugly and boring, none of it chosen by me. and i haven't the money to buy stuff I actually like.

i'm a single parent and work FT. i hardly ever invite people over. i never would have dreamed i'd end up in a place like this.

all dcs friends seem to live in million-pound-plus houses - I'm not even kidding, these houses are detached, pristine, original features, chandeliers, dressing rooms, impeccably decorated.

the worst thing is that my house isn't even specially CLEAN

i struggle to find the time even to do things like hoover, sort out the kitchen, fold and put away laundry, toys, etc etc.

no advice really, just sympathy - you're SO not the only one. i'm going to take the advice to never apologise. i want to be the kind of person whose door is always open but in practise i have to spend ages before people come round, tidying up etc. i'm so bad at DIY i can't even put a picture up on the wall.

also, i'm on the lookout for cheap rugs to cover up our tatty flooring. rugs are nicer to walk on, anyway

I would only have a problem with someone's home if it was absolutely filthy - please don't be ashamed of your home. You are trying your best...if you really want to make changes you can do it gradually as and when you have a little spare cash.

have a look on youtube for tutorials.

I have looked up SO many things such as how to correctly take cuttings of certain plants, how to tile......

smooth

it's not nice that you feel you can't improve your home, but let me say this : "Not everything that shines is gold"

yes your friends might have lovely things and orderly houses, but who knows what problems or insecurities they are plagued with?
a friend of my is borderline OCD with her need for cleanliness - I'm pretty sure it is a compensation for not being able to control many aspects of her life!

the floorboards sound a bit dangerous, I wonder if they would change them to avoid an accident.

replacing a few tiles are not hard, there are tutorials on YouTube.
and there are some good guys in the DIY board who will give you great advice on most minor problems!

you are doing a fab job I'm sure, you should be proud of yourself!

You should invite DS's friends over to play - as long as you blind them with biscuits they will not care about your cracked tiles, I promise you!

I like a nice comfy house that's not too 'done' and has a little bit of mess so it seems like a home rather than a showroom.

Smooth don't talk to me about Artex. The idiots people who had our house before us went Artex mad. They put spiky Artex in the bathroom, presumably because they wanted to grow a range of new and exciting mould spores for use as biological weapons. They even Artexed the storage nook under the stair with the same spiky Artex because it's so much fun to scrape deep bleeding gashes in your skull when you're dealing with stored stuff. I mean, WTAF???

If someone judges you based on what you've said then fuck them.

We own our house but have carpet worn and everywhere needs painted but we just can't afford it right now. We live in a fairly affluent area and I feel self conscious but actually my kids have friends round all the time and are happy as larry.

You do your best, it's impossible to do more.

Think back to your childhood, and going to your friends' houses. Do you honestly remember what state of repair they were in (unless it was obviously drastic like ours was! ) I remember going to friends' houses when I was 5 and 6 and 7 - I don't remember much about the houses. I remember the swingsets and the kids and sometimes the parents. But what the house looked like? Not a clue. Kids don't care.

what about some cheap throws- go to dunelm and buy a few meters of cloth and lob it over sofa?

I actually want the cute mixmatch furniture! i like the style!

They put spiky Artex in the bathroom, presumably because they wanted to grow a range of new and exciting mould spores for use as biological weapons.

Great. Juuuuust great. Now I've got to clean coffee off my laptop screen.

Trigglesx

Sorry.

btw we have 6 kids.
our house looks like a bombsite after an earthquake.
and that's its TIDY STATE !
there's no analogy for the mess.

for anyone who walks through the door I just say exactly what Joey said after eating that cake : "I'm not even sorry!"

it's not because I don't care. I do. but a showroom house is impossible and IMO unnecessary!

so chin up, upstairs we have water soluble crayons rubbed in the carpet and I've just put a poo stained sofa cover in the wash

I'm always grateful to visit a house that is less than perfect, as mine needs plenty TLC too.

These replies really have made me laugh and cheered me up.

the floorboards sound a bit dangerous, I wonder if they would change them to avoid an accident.

Don't worry, not sure if that got mixed up with another poster or because I said the floor was worn. I just have carpet and vinyl throughout the house. There's nothing wrong with it as such, it's just the carpet was really cheap and has no underlay and it's just looking tired now, it's not actually that old (first world problem I know) but it feels like everyone has expensive wood flooring or new cushy carpets and mine are only going to get worse.

Again with the artex it is only the ceilings. The more I think the more I am just being really daft and probably comparing my home to a few people I know who's homes are like showhomes. But obviously not everyone's is like that and it take time, money and effort to get it to that point.

zingwidge I can imagine! My only child ds manages to make a huge mess!

May I also just say again-Lone parents working full time are doing it ALL. You don't have anyone to help you (and I don't know about you, but my friends are too busy with their own house/kids to help with mine!)
I find it hard to get to out of town shops. necessary for DIY. Every penny is accounted for. I know how it is.
There are a lot of women wafting around their perfect homes who would crumble if their hubby left them, taking his check book with him, so feel proud! You bring home the bacon AND make a nice comfy home for your dc. None of us should ever feel less than anyone.

Thanks ifnotnow it is difficult at times.

If I save up some money it's a choice between saving it for a rainy day/having a weekend away or buy some stuff for the house. And it takes me ages to save so things get done very slowly.

You sound so lovely and I bet that's what vibe people get when they come to your home. You're a single mother and you can't do everything so don't beat yourself up. I don't post a lot but your message really touched me. For what its worth I love going to single friends home as I always find them more relaxing. I also guess your home isn't as bad as you think as we are always more critical of our own home and fret about things other people don't even notice. I would never ever judge anyone on what they have or don't have in their homes.

Your friends come to see you! Not your house.I'm semi messy/tidy but my favourite house is thee one where you have to scrabble through piles of stuff to get to the bathroom. It's such a creative interesting place and a very busy household.

johnnyfontane thanks, I agree people are critical of their own homes. I remember when I first moved here, now imo my sister has got a gorgeous home, they bought it really cheap back in the late 90's, itneeded loads of work and her dh gutted a lot of the rooms, all solid varnished floors, and when she first saw this house, even before I painted everywhere, she kept walking round saying mine made hers and her dh's look like a dump. But that was just because she loved that this house was newer, as it's wide doorways and staircase and she just really liked the layout.

Then when I painted my living room I stuck new curtains up, she went and bought the same curtains! I was really flattered actually.

And the other thing is I think I've started checking out other peoples houses because I'm concious of mine and so comparing them, when in the past I wouldn't have even noticed.

My friend moved into her house with nothing and relied on charity to furnish it for her and her DS,so its a mix of furniture,some in better condition than others. Her DIY skills arn't steller and as she's on her own her budget doesn't stretch to plush carpets. But I don't go to her house to turn my nose up,I go because she is my friend and I love her. You are guaranteed a cuppa and a laugh which makes her home nicer than anything you would see in glossy magazines.

You need friends like me