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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to paying seventy quid for a couple of sandwiches?

145 replies

Sarah2506 · 11/08/2013 21:31

So we go for lunch with a big bunch of friends and kids. We are vegetarians and order sandwiches and chips at 6 quid each plus a couple of soft drinks. Everyone else orders meat dishes. The kids all have children's meals. The bill comes and someone divides it up equally and says thirty five quid each. DH just pays our share while I'm in the loo and I explode when he tells me later- I would have gone mad if he'd told me at the time but he doesn't think there is a problem with it.

I am annoyed because the bill was split between all the adults, which means we've paid for the kids food. We have a baby who didn't eat. Shouldn't the parents of the kids who ate pay for them? Also someone had the best part of a 45 quid bottle of wine to themselves. Shouldn't he have paid for that?

I'm on maternity leave and not being paid. It's not like we can't afford 70 quid but it will be at the expense of something else and our lunch came to 20 quid max. And so I'm furious that the bill wasn't divided up a bit more fairly. DH takes the view that it wouldn't be the done thing to object and that 'you win some you lose some'. No we don't, non drinking vegetarians never win some!

AIBU?

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 11/08/2013 21:33

Yanbu.

But I suspect others think people like us are tight arses! Grin

ParsleyTheLioness · 11/08/2013 21:34

Yanbu. I don't think there's much you can do now, without a huge fuss, but if you go again, insist at the outset on separate bills maybe. Bad form of them though, they must have known how much they were benefitting. Tbh, stuff like this makes me reconsider friendships.

LindyHemming · 11/08/2013 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 11/08/2013 21:34

The parents may well have offered to pay for their own kids (and the wine drinker) but perhaps they were told not to worry about it?

Do you know for sure that they didn't offer?

Whothefuckfarted · 11/08/2013 21:35

YANBU, I'd have thrown in £25 and felt very fucking generous!

thisisyesterday · 11/08/2013 21:35

yanbu, always wise to make it clear from the outset that you would like to only pay for your own bits though.

greenfolder · 11/08/2013 21:35

yabu to not have sorted this out the minute you sat down if it is always an issue. i would have been very unhappy but more in the kicking myself sense. you would have seen what was being ordered and what was likely to happen. why you didnt just order and pay seperatley escapes me!

Itsjustafleshwound · 11/08/2013 21:35

YANBU ro object ro paying more than your share.

In future, brazen out arguing/aplitting the bill or just ask for a separate tab.

ParsleyTheLioness · 11/08/2013 21:35

The people who claim the 'tight arse' thing are often the ones who benefit most from these kind of splits IME.

onepieceoflollipop · 11/08/2013 21:35

They don't sound like very good friends. I think in these scenarios if everyone has roughly the same, then yes, divide it up roughy rather than quibble over a couple of quid. However this system is unfair if people are being selfish and greedy, drinking expensive wine. Imo that "friend" should have paid for the wine separately to the total.
And those with dcs should have said oh hang on here's an extra £20 (or whatever) towards the dcs' food.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2013 21:36

Normally I prefer to just share the bill - when it's reasonable.

This wasn't and your 'friends' were seriously taking the piss.

Not sure what you can do about it tho'.

Almostfifty · 11/08/2013 21:36

We were always the family with the extra children, so wouldn't let the bill be split like that, as we always thought it unfair for anyone to pay for our children.

YANBU.

poorbuthappy · 11/08/2013 21:36

Dear god no!
Its all very well splitting the bill equally when you have the same number of eating kids and you are all drinking or all driving, but in this case no!!!

amiwickedwitch · 11/08/2013 21:37

YANBU

When we split the bill if we have had similar amounts we split evenly, usually if someone has a starter more wine they offer more.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 11/08/2013 21:37

YANBU - but I do think you should decide before you eat how to divide the bill up. In this case where you know you are going to be spending a lot less it is not unreasonable to say "lets pay for our own food".
I also think if you are going to just divide the bill at the end and someone is taking the pee by having a very expensive wine it should be paid for separately.
The thing to do is to say before you order you only want to pay for what you order.

Binkyridesagain · 11/08/2013 21:37

Yanbu, i don't drink very often but always seemed to pay for a share of the wine, now if the bill's to be split when I order I calculate what I owe and put that into the pot at the end.

mystaplerisevil · 11/08/2013 21:37

you need to sort out who pays for what at point of ordering

Yonihadtoask · 11/08/2013 21:38

YANBU op but It's too late now.

Next time just throw your share in, rather than wait for someone to suggest splitting it.

It may be the correct etiquette, but it isn't fair.

Original poster
Sarah2506 · 11/08/2013 21:38

Every time we go out with that group we rarely get change from 100 quid! I probably would have said something like 'I really don't mean to be a pain but would you mind I we just paid for ours as I'm on maternity leave and not being paid'. My bad for not doing that I guess! Situation was made worse by one friend leaving early and leaving twenty quid which def didn't cover his share!

OP posts:
Sparklysilversequins · 11/08/2013 21:38

I'd have have paid or what I had. I rarely drink and I don't expect to pay for others choice to do so. It's not tight, not one bit.

Trills · 11/08/2013 21:39

Going out for lunch or dinner when you all have a very different expectation of what you are doing will always end badly.

Some of the others clearly thought they were going out for lunch, with multiple courses and wine.

You appear to think that you were having a sandwich and eating in a more functional manner rather than as a leisure activity.

Both of those meals are fine, but it will cause trouble if you eat together when you are at different ends of the spectrum. Maybe discuss before you order next time?

Larger families should pay more, there's no question about that.

glenthebattleostrich · 11/08/2013 21:39

YANBU

The only way I would pay £70 for a couple of sandwiches is if they were served on a naked Richard Armitage and I got to keep him afterwards, even then I'd have to think twice!!

I can't believe your friends let you, I'd be furious at them as well as your DH

BrokenSunglasses · 11/08/2013 21:40

Whoever sorted the bill should have divided it differently so that the parents paid for their own children, but if you were in a large group, I don't think it makes a difference that you had cheap sandwiches.

When you get into the thing of everyone paying for what they ordered when you are in a big group, it can take half an hour to split the bill equally, which would just ruin the occasion for me. I'd have expected all the adults to split the adults bill, and the children to have been accounted for by their parents.

MortifiedAdams · 11/08/2013 21:40

I would have just said "Im.not paying £35 for a sandwich and two cokes and neither is dh. Heres our share"

toastandmarmiterocks · 11/08/2013 21:41

Ugh I hate big group meals for this very reason. YANBU to be mightily pissed off however I always feel really petty saying anything.