To object to paying seventy quid for a couple of sandwiches?

[Sarah2506]

So we go for lunch with a big bunch of friends and kids. We are vegetarians and order sandwiches and chips at 6 quid each plus a couple of soft drinks. Everyone else orders meat dishes. The kids all have children's meals. The bill comes and someone divides it up equally and says thirty five quid each. DH just pays our share while I'm in the loo and I explode when he tells me later- I would have gone mad if he'd told me at the time but he doesn't think there is a problem with it.

I am annoyed because the bill was split between all the adults, which means we've paid for the kids food. We have a baby who didn't eat. Shouldn't the parents of the kids who ate pay for them? Also someone had the best part of a 45 quid bottle of wine to themselves. Shouldn't he have paid for that?

I'm on maternity leave and not being paid. It's not like we can't afford 70 quid but it will be at the expense of something else and our lunch came to 20 quid max. And so I'm furious that the bill wasn't divided up a bit more fairly. DH takes the view that it wouldn't be the done thing to object and that 'you win some you lose some'. No we don't, non drinking vegetarians never win some!

AIBU?

Tbh as it was a pub I rather thought we would order and pay separately, but when we got there it was a really nice gastro pub with most - meaty- mains around twenty quid.

Oh I don't expect to do anything about it now. I'm on here because DH will kick off if I moan about it again!

Next time I will put my foot down!!

I wouldn't even justify it with saying about the ml thing.

I would just pay for what I had plus a small tip if applicable.

Sod paying for every fecker else.

This does seem ludicrously inequitable. Usually, I would say your DH is right, but that's outrageous.

I don't really think there's anything you cand about it now, but feel free to rant away, if it helps.

This is one of those perennial dilemmas which come up so regularly on MN and I guess that it's a reasonably subjective issue as there seem to be so many views on what's appropriate. It's certainly not my business, or anyone else's, to dictate how other people should divvy up group meals - but one thing I am sure of and can state with certainty, is that the ONLY right answer to this is to discuss and agree how the bill is going to be divided or not before the meal is ordered. So long as everyone agrees and understands what's going to happen - then all concerned should be happy.

Personally speaking, in the situation you describe, I wouldn't have the brass neck to take advantage of friends to the tune of ££ss and I should imagine you now feel very hurt - quite apart from the practical financial issues. I think very few people would usually be completely and utterly unaware of roughly the sort of meal their friends were eating - and it's therefore very unfair, for example, to plead ignorance on these occasions. It's normally pretty obvious who's on soft drinks, who's ordered several courses and so on.

This really pisses me off. Not sure how you get round it other than standing your ground.

They may not have consciously registered what you ordered, particularly as the kind of place where a £45 bottle of wine is the norm is equally not normally a tenner a head type affair.

That said, if you had chipped in with a polite, semi-jokey 'hang on guys, we only had about xyz worth. That seems a bit steep?' There would be two outcomes. 1. Good friends would immediately (and probably slightly embarrassedly) acknowledged your logic and done some quick recalcs. 2. Selfish people (note omission of the word 'friend') would roll eyes/make you out to be difficult etc. If the latter is the case, then this is a pretty clear indicator of just how friendly they really are.

Sadly the moment has now passed and you may just have to chalk this one up to experience I'm afraid.

These friends have 'previous' so perhaps there is more reason to sort things out from the get go.

Been taken for a ride once is stupid, to be repeatedly taken for a ride is complete idiocy.

We wenr out with friends a while ago & when it came to paying they refused to accept money from us & paid the £150 bill themselves. I was very uncimfortable with this & tried to press our share of the bill into their hands without much success.

Ia heard later that the wife of the friend told everybody that we refused to pay & they had to pay our share. Obviously, I was fuming but didn't say anything because it would have got back to her dh who wasn't aware of her lies.

XP with...well...everyone!

if you know it usually happens like this with this group yes you should have said up front or stuck around when they were dividing up the bill rather than darting off to the toilet.

its a right pita for the person who has the bill land in their lap and has to try and work out the right thing to do/or ask the group-- who half of whom pretend not to be listening/have gone to the toilet/have no opinion/ have gone home and left "their bit".

Jesus - I'm normally someone who says "let's just split it" and find that in groups it tends to even out. One time you might benefit, another time you might lose. But this is just taking the piss, I certainly would have made a fuss - or sucked it up but vowed never to go out with such a bunch of chancers again.

Can't do anything about this time I'm afraid but next time, seeing as you always lose out when out with this group of 'friends', you need to be upfront at the start. 'DH and I are going to order and pay for ours separately today. After paying £70 for two sandwiches and cokes last time, we just can't afford to do that again! I'm sure you all understand.' accompanied by a friendly smile and tinkly laugh.

I'm not veggie but often eat veggie dishes when eating out, and I don't drink either, so hate splitting the bill as I tend to lose out too. I feel your pain.

The worse thing I ever heard was that several friends went out for a meal. The bill was split equally and one couple said he would put it all on his card and the rest paid cash to the card man.

It transpires that the card man pocketed the cash (meal and tip), just paid the bill (without a tip) on his business card and then claimed the meal on expenses.

The man wonders why he doesn't have any friends ....

Good point about the being in the loo bit. I did know this might happen so had planned to say something at the time- or do the divvying up myself. But then the baby exploded and i was away 15 mins. I half think they forgot about me and divided it by one less and so we actually overpaid!!

A friend has a great concept of 'guide price' where he divides equally and then invited you to pay more or less if you think you had more or less. This always works well with no shortfall. Eating out with that group is much more enjoyable!

If there's a massive variation in the value of people's food then it isn't appropriate to split the bill! £45 bottle of wine should be funded by the drinker of said wine!

YADNBU. Make it clear next time you will not be paying for someone to drink expensive drinks. I honestly don't see how anyone could think you were tight for that. If they do they clearly aren't very good friends, the cheek of some people!

I just keep a rough running total in my head, then chuck that in plus an extra 15-20% (ex-waitress so generous tipper, also it allows for me having forgotten something) - before anyone starts fossicking around dividing the bill up.

If there's then a shortfall because some git's 'forgotten' that they had wine, I'll happily bung in an equal share of whatever the missing amount is.

If anyone else present desperately wants to start working out exact bills & saying 'oh but raven you've paid £2.35 too much', that's fine, I just make sure I know I've paid the generous end of enough.

& definitely people with kids should pay for them.

Bit awkward if you were in the loo & dh had already coughed up - you're stuck with it then - but I'd be reading him the riot act for next time!

raisah how awful. I'd have been lucid and tempted to let her DH know what she had been saying!

Itsjustafleshwound, I imagine that scenario happens all too often.

OP, was it a very large group, ie. possible bill was sorted at one end of the table where people had no idea who'd had what?

Lucid - should be 'livid'!!

YANBU, however if I was out for a meal with friends and noticed they were ordering 3 course meals etc I would have ordered more than a sandwich! Or made a point of saying 'we're not that hungry, so we'll just get sandwiches and pay for our own'.

I am a veggie too so I nearly always get short changed by a few quid when dividing up the bill, but it doesn't bother me, I would never normally quibble. But I always make sure we chip in more if we are with friends without kids. Last time we went out the kids meals were a fiver each and their apple juices were £2.50 so they ended up nearly the cost of an extra adult between them!

Next time could you say when ordering 'could we have our bill separately please, juat in case we need to shoot off early because of the baby?'

That way no one is offended or embarrassed and you don't pay for peoples wine and steaks. If anyone tries tottalk you out of it just give a tinkly laugh and tell them that veggie food and coke is more expensive than meat disges and wine these days and you would hate for people to have to pay extra for your "special" stuff.

On this occasion you were right because of the £45 quid bottle of wine, if they were spending that much on booze then it wasn't fair to expect it just to be split.

But in general I would have to say if the bill was a more reasonable split and somebody complained every time we went out because they were a 'non-drinking vegetarian' so didn't want to split the bill. Well. Lets just say I can't see them being very popular.

YANBU. I am usually happy to just split the bill equally and I don't like people who split hairs and make a fuss over over relatively small differences in who had what, but this is clearly ridiculous and you have been taken advantage of.

Usually if any of our party has eaten or drunk significantly less or cheaper than everyone else that is reflected somewhat in how the bill is split.

YANBU

Your "friends" are not very nice and your DH sounds like a bit of a mug.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do about it now (except maybe don't go out for meals with those friends unless there is a fixed price menu)

I think I would be holding a grudge against £45 bottle of wine friend.