To object to paying seventy quid for a couple of sandwiches?

[Sarah2506]

So we go for lunch with a big bunch of friends and kids. We are vegetarians and order sandwiches and chips at 6 quid each plus a couple of soft drinks. Everyone else orders meat dishes. The kids all have children's meals. The bill comes and someone divides it up equally and says thirty five quid each. DH just pays our share while I'm in the loo and I explode when he tells me later- I would have gone mad if he'd told me at the time but he doesn't think there is a problem with it.

I am annoyed because the bill was split between all the adults, which means we've paid for the kids food. We have a baby who didn't eat. Shouldn't the parents of the kids who ate pay for them? Also someone had the best part of a 45 quid bottle of wine to themselves. Shouldn't he have paid for that?

I'm on maternity leave and not being paid. It's not like we can't afford 70 quid but it will be at the expense of something else and our lunch came to 20 quid max. And so I'm furious that the bill wasn't divided up a bit more fairly. DH takes the view that it wouldn't be the done thing to object and that 'you win some you lose some'. No we don't, non drinking vegetarians never win some!

AIBU?

YANBU. I'm surprised that no one out of the whole group noticed how little you consumed in comparison to the others, and spoke up on yours and your husbands behalf.

X

As an (often non-drinking) veggie - without much spare cash - I totally sympathise. I always feel like I'm the awkward, tight arse, anti social one when I say something. My friends love steak, starters and expensive wine which just makes it worse.

DH gets REALLY annoyed by splitting the bill but never says anything so it's always up to me...

Do you think maybe your friends were a bit tiddly and just didn't realise they were shafting you? My friends would never do this to me intentionally.

quietitude

Many places here (Australia) don't allow for split bills, which can be very frustrating.

It is usually the big eaters and drinkers who would call others 'tight' for not wanting to split the bill - of course because we're all subsidising them!

Once I was out with a group of Mums (about 14 of us). All the others had starters except for me and they were all drinking (I had tap water). I was the only one who had a coffee. When the bill came, it was split 14 ways but I was told to put in extra for my coffee!!! Yep, because that's way more expensive than wine and cocktails!?!

As a non-drinker, I put it down to the greedy selfish people becoming even more so after a drink

I agree with quiet - have lived in the US for the past year and it seems the norm here for bills to be given to whoever had ordered that item. Splitting the bill doesn't happen often.

It took an American friend married to a Brit to tell me that I and her husband were the only people she knew who bought rounds in coffee shops - ie one bought one week/the other the next. Here it seems to be everyone pays for themselves. So - if I'm out with British friends, we take turns, if I'm with Americans, we do our own thing.

YANBU - as a pregnant veggie, bill splitting like this winds me up at the minute too! I will always lose out.

Oh my god I would have been annoyed! My ex bought a £95 round of drinks once while I was in the loo... Grrrr

A least I hope dh knows how yu feel now

Yanbu. Absolutely disgraceful.

I also went out with a group of mums and one extremely raucous drunk mum demanded the bill be split evenly. She'd had an expensive meal with starter, main course, pudding and loads of wine. I didn't even have a drink with my meal and got stung for £15 more than the cost of my meal! The person opposite me had a veggie meal, no starter and no wine and had to pay £20 more than she had eaten.

I made sure never to go out again with the one who demanded other people bankroll her extravagance.

I am generally a split the bill equally person but this is ridiculous. When there's such an extreme difference it's crazy, it quibbling over the odd fiver I can't bear. YANBU

We used to go out as a work group and one of the girls always calculated exactly what she had eaten and only put that amount into the pot. She didn't take account of the service charge, shared appetisers and only did it at the end when everyone else was expecting to split the bill and it infuriated everyone else. Best thing to do is ask at the beginning whether everyone is happy to just split the bill or whether some would prefer to have their own.

quiet - me too! I know it's not the done thing here but I feel incredibly rude if I get to the counter first and don't offer to pay for the friend or two behind me. Saying that, it's a coffee or similar so not such high prices as meals, I guess!

I've just remembered a friend when i was at uni and she was working full time we used to go out every weekend and do rounds on her round she always had a soft drink and on mine asked for a double or cocktail in my drunken state it tool me months to realise what she was up to...cheeky mare I then started doing the same back and we both quickly got into single drinks again lol.

Entirely your dh's fault for not speaking up at the time. I am happy to split the bill if most people had the same-ish or it's a group who meet regularly and sometimes you benefit and sometimes you lose out. I am also happy to add up what each person owes.
What I WON'T do is keep an eye on who is drinking and who is not and what each and everybody had so I can "notice" and speak up for somebody else if it's working out unfair on them... why can THEY not just say something?

Yes, I agree that it's up to the individual to speak out if they feel they're being ripped off. I personally don't keep an eye on what others are eating or drinking when in a large group.

I'm another that thinks your oh should've said at the time. In big groups people don't really keep tabs. Usually one person gets given the bill, looks around, someone mentions splitting the bill, then the message travels down.

I've been at meals where we've all got separate bills, and others where it's been split. If someone shouts out that they didn't drinks, only had a bowl of olives, or whatever no one minds. As long as they're not being picky and spending ages counting out money to the penny.

If someone does mind, or is trying to take the piss, then they need to be called up on it anyway.

Equally annoying are people who:

• "share" a bottle of wine very unequally so one person has three glasses and one has only one, but expects to split the cost 50/50

• people who drink expensive soft drinks such as elderflower pressé but act as though their drink is as cheap as tap water

• people who have extra courses that means others have to sit around (rather than saying "I'm the only one having a starter, please bring it with the mains")

Sofia, you're confusing fecking idiocy with vegetarianism. Your husband is the former. HTH.

However, you're also doing it to yourself as much as he is - not a thing in the world stopping you going out with your friends, that's your choice, so please don't make your husband the scapegoat for your decisions.

I go out with a group of around 8 single friends. We always buy drinks at the bar before and during the meal and at the end we asked for an itemised food bill. We then go up to the bar and pay for what we have had + a tip of choosing and the bar staff take those items off the bill. Has always worked out at the end with the last person paying for what they had - no-one has tried to cheat. That way everyone pays what they know they can afford - just means paying individually takes a while.

I can't be bothered with that either, I'm happy to just split it evenly as long as no one has ordered ten lobster thermidors.

I have been known to drink a lot with meals, and I do like cocktails so am always aware of preventing others thinking they have to pay for my expensive tastes. Sometimes I don't order the drink I want, if everyone else is drinking beer (which I hate), because I'm worried that between me ordering it and the point when the bill comes when I would obviously say "I'll put in extra to cover my expensive drinks!" everyone would be sitting around hating me....

So I don't mind people putting in more/less to cover what they had. But if you're putting in less, please add it up right! If you have a meal for £9.99 and a soft drink for £1.99 and the restaurant adds a 12.5% tip (standard in central London) it is not ok to say "ooh mine's about £10" and hand over a tenner!

The thing that most annoys me is when we go "somewhere nice" for someone's birthday, and someone says "Ooh bday girl shouldn't pay for herself". Fair enough, so that means 6 people's food is divided by 5. But if 2 non-drinking/veggie/whatever people then decide to "just pay for what they had" and don't contribute to tip or birthday girl's food, suddenly my bill shoots up......and then usually bday girl comes out of loo when bill is paid with no idea and hugs everyone going "oh so nice of you all to treat me!" and I am left glowering whilst the one's who pay for just what the had swoop in for effusive hugs shrieking "no worries babe!"

Name 'em and shame 'em next time happygirl. That's beyond tight, taking credit for something they didn't pay for.