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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To object to paying seventy quid for a couple of sandwiches?

145 replies

Sarah2506 · 11/08/2013 21:31

So we go for lunch with a big bunch of friends and kids. We are vegetarians and order sandwiches and chips at 6 quid each plus a couple of soft drinks. Everyone else orders meat dishes. The kids all have children's meals. The bill comes and someone divides it up equally and says thirty five quid each. DH just pays our share while I'm in the loo and I explode when he tells me later- I would have gone mad if he'd told me at the time but he doesn't think there is a problem with it.

I am annoyed because the bill was split between all the adults, which means we've paid for the kids food. We have a baby who didn't eat. Shouldn't the parents of the kids who ate pay for them? Also someone had the best part of a 45 quid bottle of wine to themselves. Shouldn't he have paid for that?

I'm on maternity leave and not being paid. It's not like we can't afford 70 quid but it will be at the expense of something else and our lunch came to 20 quid max. And so I'm furious that the bill wasn't divided up a bit more fairly. DH takes the view that it wouldn't be the done thing to object and that 'you win some you lose some'. No we don't, non drinking vegetarians never win some!

AIBU?

OP posts:
chanie44 · 12/08/2013 04:46

I've been caught by this myself. It was years ago and I was I my early 20s and in my first proper job and the meal was with colleagues. It was a set menu and with drinks my meal came to about £25. Somebody ordered a £70 bottle of wine and I ended up paying £35.

I can't afford to subsidise others, so now, at the beginning of the meal, I say I'm only paying for my share.

AHandfulOfDust · 12/08/2013 05:05

The lesson of this story is;

'Drink More Booze'

Pusspuss1 · 12/08/2013 05:33

Infuriating - veggies who aren't big drinkers get stung every time on this one. I sympathise. We have one group of friends who I now avoid going out for meals with, after DH and I once got stuck with a bill of £70 each for a Thai curry, largely consisting of expensive wine that others had ordered and drunk. Never again!

mumofweeboys · 12/08/2013 08:31

Hi

I think it really depends on how much spare cash you have, if u were quite well off you wouldn't bat an eyelid. My oh would have done the same as yours in that situation as he wouldn't want to appear tight and if he had the cash spare it wouldn't phase him at all. Me on the other hand i like to get value for money so overpaying like that would really irritate me. Then again I deal with house hold finances and oh is bit airy fairy with money.

Try and put it behind you, at least your wiser for the next time.

mumofweeboys · 12/08/2013 08:32

We usually ask for separate drinks bill too when we go out as a group.

Groovee · 12/08/2013 08:40

This does my head in! We ask for separate bills which makes it much easier for us.

Kytti · 12/08/2013 08:44

YANBU In the country I live now when you go out for a meal with friends you all queue up at the end and just pay for what you had. I used to think it was weird, but now I love it! You order what you like, if you're not flush you just get something small and don't worry, it's ace!

I'd've asked for my money back.

everlong · 12/08/2013 08:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuzzpig · 12/08/2013 09:04

I have never ever split a bill with friends. We always just pay for our own food/drink.

SofiaVagueara · 12/08/2013 10:58

ArtisanLentilWeaver as somebody who's family make cheese I can tell you that you're wrong about that. Almost all the rennet used in cheese these days is synthetic rennet because it is an awful lot cheaper to produce than real rennet from calves stomachs. Only expensive specialist cheeses contain real rennet these days and vegetarian cheese is normally just a rip off and exactly the same as the non-vegetarian labelled cheese on the same shelf.

Grignard · 12/08/2013 11:00

YANBU - I am all for splitting the bill when everyone has approximately the same but in cases like this...no way!

The meal you have described OP is really extreme. I can only assume the person who worked out the £35/head had been drinking and not thinking clearly. That or they were on the take. Sounds like your share was about £20 and you paid a whopping extra £50 subsidising others! I agree with you that in this case your DH should have said something.

I am pretty conscious of what I am consuming compared to others when out in a group and now definitely say something if splitting isn't fair for someone else (depending on the nature of the group) . Probably because I have been skint in the past and have been stung when purposely choosing cheaper options/not drinking but didn't feel I could say anything. If I am aware that I have consumed more than the split amount I always fling in the extra amount and suggest to someone that has clearly had less that they pay that amount less.

ThePlatterCompany · 12/08/2013 11:14

Its always a difficult one isn't it, especially as you don't want to fall out over it.
I personally wouldn't be able to drop it until the person who organised the splitting of the bill knew how upset I was, because I am sure no-one there has deliberately gone to stiff anyone over the bill and no doubt they would be mortified if they knew too.
When its a few quid I quite agree you win some lose some...when it comes to the monies you are talking about here this is blatant thoughtlessness.
My personality is direct so this may not be the way you would want to tackle it as I prefer to get things out in the open because...

  1. It avoids the matter festering and blowing out of proportion
  2. It avoids the situation again as people will be more mindful
  3. It is said and done Smile
Bless you - good luck with however you choose to deal with it.
SofiaVagueara · 12/08/2013 11:16

Oh, I've just had a look and apparently parmesan is not vegetarian. I am hiding this thread for fear he will see it and realize there is yet more bloody stuff he can't eat and add another level of sodding awkwardness to our lives.

Trills · 12/08/2013 11:24

Yeah, parmesan cannot be vegetarian by definition (at least in Europe) because it's a protected name/origin/thingy.

alemci · 12/08/2013 11:24

I would feel annoyed too. YANBU. I have had this in the past with groups of friends who drink loads. at times i would make an excuse to leave then chuck the amount I owed plus some more in and then leave.

I would have a soft drink and drive. It was the wine that bumped the price up so much.

the friends had DH who earned loads and it probably didn't seem as much to them but I was always very conscious of how much money we needed for other things i.e. we were building an extension at the time.

Now we all meet up but usually at other peoples houses. I think some of the others in the group felt the same about the cost of going out for meals but it wasn't me who said anything.

namechangeforthispost864269 · 12/08/2013 11:29

this is one of my pet hates...

I've been on 2 works nights out and people have tried it on once we went for Chinese food (in not massive fan) so had a chicken fried rice only and I paid for my drinks at the bar as I ordered them.

some of the managers came out with us and sat near me they ordered about 4 bottles on wine on the tab, appitisers, starters, main with side orders and desert. then at the end of the meal they were quite adamant the bill should just be split 'as it was easier'

I refused and was told to stop being awkward so decided to name and shame exactly what they'd eaten compared to my 5pound fried rice and everyone elses less extravagant meals (they were expecting 40pounds from me)

Well at least they had the grace to look embarrassed when i pulled them and everyone then paid for what they'd ordered.

they then all left instead of staying for drink as they couldn't afford drinks afterwards. no way was i funding manager's night out..

it's always the people who've eaten the most who want to do this. if I'd ordered loads to eat I'd never do this.

squoosh · 12/08/2013 11:31

YADNBU.

Can't believe he offered the £70 and can't believe they allowed him too. And I say this as someone who generally can't stand people who get their calculators out to tot up who's eaten what.

expatinscotland · 12/08/2013 11:33

Sofia, why do you have to eat pesto and pasta when you are not veggie? And why are you cooking two meals? He can cook his own?

kim147 · 12/08/2013 11:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

meddie · 12/08/2013 11:49

Been caught out by this before, went to a russian restauraunt, supposed to be a set menu price and people would buy their own drinks from the bar
. I was shocked when the bill was split and it was £20 more than the set price. Some cheeky feckers had been putting their drinks on the tab. While most of us had been buying drinks from the bar. Must admit I did refuse to pay. Wasn't popular, but I was a student on a fixed budget and that extra £20 was my food and travel for the rest of the week.
The biggest complainers where the cheeky feckers,

Drquin · 12/08/2013 11:53

YANBU generally - but the time has passed.

Two things only to be clarified before we all start eating and drinking :

  1. Are we paying our own or splitting the bill
  2. Depending on (1) above, do we have the same idea of "doing lunch"

Nothing wrong in having a £45 bottle of wine and three courses - the only thing "wrong" is agreeing to split the bill equally with someone who is only interested in bread and water!

EhricLovesTeamQhuay · 12/08/2013 12:12

Yanbu
I hate splitting the bill in big groups. If it's a small group of friends and we all had more or less the same then definitely split but I agree, as a veggie you get stiffed anyway when the meat dishes are twice the price (especially in Italian places, £8 pasta vs £15 steak!) and drinkers/pudding eaters can double their bill that way too.
To be fair though if I'm on a budget I will quietly say so and make sure I have cash to cover my bill plus tip and just hand it to whoever is doing the bill ASAP. I don't care if that makes me look cheap, if the people I'm with see it that way then I'm probably going to swerve their company in the first place!

differentnameforthis · 12/08/2013 12:23

I had this recently. Went out with a large group of friends (all with kids) & ordered.

Came to paying & I am trying to sort who owes what (as I had arranged the evening). Most families opting to pay for what they had & one family opting for equal split. I did it by what each family ate in the end, as that got majority vote (and is, in my opinion the best way)

Ironically the family who wanted equal shares was the family who ordered starters/mains & desserts. Who bought adult meals for their kids (with the kids meals the desert & drink are included, but because they ordered adult mains, all courses & drinks are separate), had the most drinks & had the most expensive mains.

Pretty much the rest of us had 2 courses, and as I said, the kids choices included drinks etc.

Their bill was a good $70+ more than anyone else's, so in the end I was glad I split it, as they can easily afford it & some of the rest of the group couldn't have afforded to buy their food. Then there was a couple of deserts not covered after the split (which I covered to save issues) which I am pretty sure were theirs.

Equal splits is never fair unless you go to an all you can eat that doesn't inc drink charges (i.e pay at the bar)!

Pachacuti · 12/08/2013 12:26

On the plus side, you now have a good reason for expecting your DH to deal with any exploding baby scenarios when you are out with friends Grin...

quietitude · 12/08/2013 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.