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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not stopped breast feeding yet?

100 replies

Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:21

My son is 22 months. I had at the back of my mind that I would bf for a year when u started out. My husband agreed with that though he would have been happy with six months. His opinion was just that he wouldn't really like the feeding once our child was old enough to speak and ask for it. So anyway, he went along with it for the first year or more but after that has instigated conversations 3 times where we have agreed an age to stop. When I got there, I have not felt ready and have just continued, probably bit discussing it properly. My dh is a bit annoyed now, we have just had another convo and agreed to wind down to every other day when he is 23 months. Just to add, I am probably being a bit selfish as I sometimes use it to get myself a bit extra lie in in the morning, which probably is not a good reason to bf. so, aibu to keep reneging on these agreements, or is it my right to choose?

OP posts:
Original poster
Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:22

Not discussing, not bit

OP posts:
iamarya · 09/08/2013 23:24

Sorry but I think your DH is being incredibly unreasonable and selfish. It is absolutely your choice IMO. What do you want btw, do you still want to fee your DS?

squoosh · 09/08/2013 23:25

How does it affect your husband?

MsVestibule · 09/08/2013 23:26

My friend fed her son once a day until he was 4, although I realise that that's a little later than the average...

What are your DH's objections?

TheSecondComing · 09/08/2013 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAyoniNickname · 09/08/2013 23:27

It's your right to choose. When I had ds1 I hoped I could bf for 6 weeks, when I hit that I said 6months. Then a year. I stopped at 20 months when i was 3 months pg.
I fed ds2 for 2 years. My (now ex)p used to moan but tough frankly!

Original poster
Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:29

Hmmm, I think it does make him (and his family) very uncomfortable though. I'm not totally sure about how long i would like to bf (possibly muddled by all the conversations). On one hand, I love it, he loves it and it is all cuddly and snuggly, on the other I do think my dh should have some say and I also wonder if I stop if I may feel like I get my body back a bit.

OP posts:
MatriarchalDreams · 09/08/2013 23:29

I think maybe you just need to not agree to anything if you don't plan on going through with weaning, it'll keep your DH happy for a bit but ultimately he'll feel annoyed (rightly or wrongly) if you keep reneging on your promises. Have you explained to him properly why it is that you want to continue feeding, or do you not really know yourself? Has he explained why he wants you to stop, is it just the feeling uncomfortable about it? have you explained about it being biologically normal and all the benfits that it still provides?

runes · 09/08/2013 23:30

Of course it's your right to bf for as long as you and your child want to. He clearly has some stupid ideas about bfing, maybe you should educate him on the continued benefits for you and your child.Shock If that doesn't get him off your back just tell him to stop being so fucking selfish.

TokenGirl1 · 09/08/2013 23:30

I think that it's you right time choose and you and your dc will know when the time is right. It's putting you dc needs first as it should be at this age.

I bf my ds until 20 months when he self weaned and by then I'd had enough. However, if anyone had pressurised me into stopping before I was ready, my reaction would be "I'm bearing the brunt of the night waking and feeding and therefore my decision when to stop".

Is your dh viewing it a something (incorrectly) sexual because your dc is now not a young baby?

Original poster
Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:31

No, I do not feed a lot now. Usually once, but up to three times a day.

OP posts:
runes · 09/08/2013 23:32

Don't know where that shocked face came from Confused

ouryve · 09/08/2013 23:33

It's good for your DC that you're still breastfeeding. At least 2 years is the WHO recommendation.

Your husband needs to grow up.

Cheeseatmidnight · 09/08/2013 23:34

I am bf dd (2.7) and am not ready to stop. Nor is she. I want her to choose and I really don't want to force her to. I don't think putting a date in the diary is realistic, especially if you don't want to

namechangesforthehardstuff · 09/08/2013 23:34

What's it got to do with him? Seriously. You and DC enjoy it and he wants to stop it? What a dick.

BlackeyedSusan · 09/08/2013 23:37

ds finished at age 2 and a half. almost exactly to the day. it is good for them, and following the who guidelines. what does your dc think about it? does he want to continue?

iamarya · 09/08/2013 23:39

Usually once or up to 3 times a day is not a lot. Your DH might have a point if DS was feeding like a newborn but as he's clearly not, what is his problem?

Original poster
Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:44

Yes, ds want to continue, not that I've asked him obviously but he does really enjoy feeding. I think dh uncomfortable now he's not a baby, he thinks it's not necessary anymore and hates to idea of him getting to the stage of shouting out 'I want boobies' and sticking his hand down my top in public. He also pointed out that all the other babies we know have been weaned except for one who are 'hippies'!

OP posts:
Cravingdairy · 09/08/2013 23:47

If you're happy and your son is happy I reckon your DH ought to be happy!

BlackeyedSusan · 09/08/2013 23:47

I would be tempted to tell him to fuck off and get over it, really.

mollycuddles · 09/08/2013 23:49

Ooh that makes me a hippy

Dd2 is 3.3. It's much less than it was now. 5 minutes on average at bedtime. She's my last baby so I'm in no rush. Good job dh is ok with it because its not his decision.

YANBU

NoComet · 09/08/2013 23:52

DD2 BF until she was old enough to go on to google research and write her own essay on the benefits of extended BFing.

Or she might just have told your DH to fuck off. (No she shouldn't have known words like that, but she has an older sister).

Cravingdairy · 09/08/2013 23:55

Lots of other children are still feeding at that age, including mine! My husband thinks its great that we have a pretty foolproof way of comforting her, especially at the moment because we are getting a lot of toddler hissy fits.

OxfordBags · 09/08/2013 23:57

So you're doing something that you and your son enjoy and which creates a special bond between you, is a very importance source of nutrition that adapts to his needs as they grow, gives him comfort and security, and which the leading health organisation says you should be doing for st least another two months before you even consider giving up.

And your OH wants you to give up... Why? Because other people he knows didn't breastfeed their kids until that age (or so he think - many women, precisely because of narrow-minded weirdness of the sort your Oh is displaying, keep extended breastfeeding v private or even secret)? If everyone else was feeding their children pork scratchings for breakfast every day, would he insist you forego the porridge and give him pork scratchings? If he knew other people who weren't demonstrative to their kids, would he nag at you to never hug your son again?

He is being totlly unreasonable, irrational, downright weird and possibly a bit bullying. If something totally natural, healthy and positive makes him feel weird, then the onus is on HIM to work through whatever issues make him like that, not pressurise you to stop Bfing so he doesn't have to address his problems. You are not responsible for your OH's feelings, but you are for your child's, and many of his emotional needs are being met by Bfing right now. Your choice is to pander to an adult being weird or continue to meet the needs of a tiny child who finds something you both enjoy very important. Not really a choice at all, is it?

snickersnacker · 09/08/2013 23:58

YANBU to feed your DS for as long as you feel it is right.

YABU repeatedly to agree to stop in discussions with your DH and then renege on your agreement. If you're not ready to stop bfing, you need to explain this to him. How is he supposed to respect and support your decision if you repeatedly say one thing and then do another?