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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not stopped breast feeding yet?

100 replies

Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:21

My son is 22 months. I had at the back of my mind that I would bf for a year when u started out. My husband agreed with that though he would have been happy with six months. His opinion was just that he wouldn't really like the feeding once our child was old enough to speak and ask for it. So anyway, he went along with it for the first year or more but after that has instigated conversations 3 times where we have agreed an age to stop. When I got there, I have not felt ready and have just continued, probably bit discussing it properly. My dh is a bit annoyed now, we have just had another convo and agreed to wind down to every other day when he is 23 months. Just to add, I am probably being a bit selfish as I sometimes use it to get myself a bit extra lie in in the morning, which probably is not a good reason to bf. so, aibu to keep reneging on these agreements, or is it my right to choose?

OP posts:

doublethelovedoublethekisses · 10/08/2013 20:55

I had no intention of feeding past 6 months when I had dd2.

It was the first time breastfeeding for me (ff twins before that) but 21months later she still feeds every bedtime and at least once over night. Neither of us are ready to give up and DH is fully supportive of my decision to continue.

If you do not want to stop then that is your choice, just be honest with your DH so that he is clear on your feelings.

Altinkum · 10/08/2013 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PogoBob · 10/08/2013 21:05

I'm still feeding DD (3 next week) once a day, we are in the process 0of weaning but she is not going down without a fight! I am also feeding 7mo DS.

A father has the right to voice his opinion when it comes to feeding his children so I don't think it is purely a mothers choice because it's her body IYSWIM, however none of the reasons he has given so far are valid enough to over rule your desire to continue.

DH has raised concerns about DD continued feeding at various points over the last year but these have always been about the impact on DD,DS or me - never anything to do with being uncomfortable with the feeding.

Whothefuckfarted · 10/08/2013 21:13

If you don't want to give up and your kid doesn't want to give up then I'm sorry but stuff your husbands views really!

Have a read of some things on this website. It will give you the reasons to back up why you don't want to stop.

kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

Apileofballyhoo · 10/08/2013 21:14

I usually read the whole thread before I post but I've only read a page. My DH was arsey about this too. I fed DS till he was nearly 4 but at that stage it was nighttime only. After we stopped I regretted giving in to pressure, I felt that it was social pressure at that stage and I didn't want DS to be teased or laughed at if he mentioned it, or for him to get a strange reaction from an adult. I would have kept it up longer otherwise.

anniroc · 10/08/2013 21:16

I just wanted to say that with regards to 'getting a bit of an extra lie-in', I know a few mums who fed long-term at night as their DCs were bad sleepers and they thought it helped. However, once I stopped feeding DD at 12.5m, she started sleeping through - it was as if she didn't have a reason to wake anymore. Your DS may surprise you!

LynetteScavo · 10/08/2013 21:19

How long you breast feed is between you and your child. And no one else.

If he doesn't like it, don't do it in front of him.

WitchOfEndor · 10/08/2013 21:23

I'm still feeding DS 3.3. DH has made comments in the past indicating that he thinks I should stop soon but as long as DS wants to feed ( he feeds to sleep for one nap a day when I am not at work, and feeds to sleep at night) I will continue. If I were you I would just tell your DH that you are happy to continue and don't want to discuss it again. He may think that no-one else feeds as long but that's only because we are tired of being judged so don't advertise the fact.

schmee · 10/08/2013 21:30

I think your dh has a right to an opinion, but not to pressure you into a decision. In the same way that it is a woman's right to choose her birth plan, but most women would, I think, discuss it with their partners.

I understand the socially prejudice that may be influencing your husband, although I don't agree that this is a good reason to stop. It isn't culturally the norm yet in the UK I don't think. It may also be that he is missing intimacy with you. Have you discussed the reasons with him? Perhaps you could allay some of his concerns.

If you give up because of pressure from your husband, you will regret it and your husband needs to understand this. You need to be clear with him about your reasons for wanting to continue.

There will be those that say that you have a right to bf for as long as you like in full view of everyone. They are right. But it would also be ok to agree to a compromise like feeding your baby privately if that works for your husband.

My dh never asked me to stop bf and we used to have a giggle about my dd talking about it in public (e.g. pointing out the boobies on shop mannequins and asking if they "worked"). But I did gradually withdraw from feeding in front of others as my dd got old. Cowardly maybe, but it worked for us.

Wildwaterfalls · 10/08/2013 21:30

I'm surprised at the strong reaction against your DH on here. I am still bf my DD (although only 1yo) so very much in favour of bf, but I don't think it is unreasonable for your DH to have a view on how you feed your children, and for these to be decisions that you make together. Of course 'other people don't do it' isn't a good argument, but I'm sure there are other pros and cons (eg the impact, if any, on your sleep and therefore wellbeing) you could discuss together.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 10/08/2013 21:32

WHO guidelines say up to and beyond 2 years, so you're not into bizarre territory at all. Your husband has every right to an opinion but he does not have the right to pressure you about your body one way or the other.

poppingin1 · 10/08/2013 21:36

I don't think anyone is really saying the husband has no right to a viewpoint.

It seems from the OP that he is applying pressure on the OP to stop by becoming annoyed at her choice to continue.

dearth · 10/08/2013 21:39

It's none of his business. Tell him to STFU.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 10/08/2013 23:18

I think that it's your right to breastfeed as long as you like. He has to discover what it is he really doesn't like and whether there is anything he can do that may make him feel less like this.

If your dc still enjoys it, you still enjoy it and it doesn't cause either of you any health concerns I see no problem with doing it as long as you like. I think there are a stigma on many things like this. It's always what is advised. If you don't breastfeed, you are doing wrong. If you breastfeed over 18 months, you are doing wrong. There seems to be no way of doing things unless you are doing it between 6-12 months and that is fine if that is what you want.

VisualiseAHorse · 10/08/2013 23:28

YANBU.

As long as you are the only one doing the majority of night wakings, bedtimes, early mornings, comforting when poorly or hurt you choose how you want to do it.

oscarwilde · 10/08/2013 23:37

I agree wholeheartedly with what snickersnacker said.
An excuse for a lie in? While agreeing that these are few and far between with kids, and a 22mo won't feed for too long, if your DH is downstairs run ragged with other kids I can appreciate why he might be getting fed up with the continuos pushing out of an agreed date.
Either way, stop agreeing to something you have no intention of doing.

zatyaballerina · 10/08/2013 23:50

You're unreasonable to tell him you're going to stop and then not, that shows your word as untrustworthy and that will affect his opinion of and trust in you. He's entitled to have a say in how his child is fed, it's his kid too, you can ignore that and tell him to go fuck himself but if you do then you can expect him to care and respect your opinion as much as you've shown him you do his.

Do what you want, as long as you're prepared to accept the consequences.

NotSoWitty · 11/08/2013 00:11

your dh is BVU, I'm also bfing my 22 month old.

podgymumma · 11/08/2013 00:38

deputy my friend died from ovarian cancer and BF both her children till they were 3.

ilovemulberry · 11/08/2013 00:55

I don't understand why there are
So many comments about it being OP's decision. Is DS not both of theirs? Every other decision about the childs upbringing is shared so why can't the dad have an opinion on feeding methods and both come to a compromise ?

DeputyDeputyChiefOfStaff · 11/08/2013 07:08

Podgy, I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortunately bf only reduces the risk of certain diseases - it doesn't guarantee that you won't get them.

Bakingtins · 11/08/2013 07:27

Deputy I'd be very surprised if any research has been done that demonstrates that the longer you feed, the lower the risk of those diseases is. Most HPs are not even recording how babies are fed past 6m so there is not much evidence other than anecdotal for any extended BF practices. I'm not saying you are wrong, it seems logical to assume that if you keep doing a good thing the benefits accrue, but I'd be interested to see any evidence to back that up.

SunnyIntervals · 11/08/2013 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TinyTear · 11/08/2013 07:57

I am still feeding my 18 month old. After 2 I will do don't offer don't refuse. And see how it goes. How about trying that instead of every other day?

DizzyPurple · 11/08/2013 08:06

I'd be interested to see the research too but given how often these things are quoted there must be some! Will have to do some research...

Podgy - sorry to hear about your friend. The research says it reduces the risk of ovarian cancer but sadly doesn't remove it altogether.

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