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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not stopped breast feeding yet?

100 replies

Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:21

My son is 22 months. I had at the back of my mind that I would bf for a year when u started out. My husband agreed with that though he would have been happy with six months. His opinion was just that he wouldn't really like the feeding once our child was old enough to speak and ask for it. So anyway, he went along with it for the first year or more but after that has instigated conversations 3 times where we have agreed an age to stop. When I got there, I have not felt ready and have just continued, probably bit discussing it properly. My dh is a bit annoyed now, we have just had another convo and agreed to wind down to every other day when he is 23 months. Just to add, I am probably being a bit selfish as I sometimes use it to get myself a bit extra lie in in the morning, which probably is not a good reason to bf. so, aibu to keep reneging on these agreements, or is it my right to choose?

OP posts:

BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 11/08/2013 08:07

YANBU. It's very hard to stop breastfeeding if the child doesn't want to stop. it's not something you can just give up. I'm still breastfeeding my 17 month old, I hate breastfeeding but my son loves it and it would be very stressful for the whole family to stop. My DH is very supportive as he can see how much ds relies on it. He has said he wouldn't want ds feeding past 3 (which I agree with) but I don't think he'd ever ask me to stop.

Kytti · 11/08/2013 08:12

I think you shouldn't do it any more. Clearly I'm in the minority, but it's not like we're in Africa and can't get clean food and drink easily. If you want to, fine, but sorry, I'm with your husband and think it's a bit daft over 18 months. I think babies should be weaned off teats at 12 months.

(Prepares flame-proof suit quickly.)

DeputyDeputyChiefOfStaff · 11/08/2013 09:39

Bakingtins, certainly the reduced risk of breast cancer seems to be related to how long you feed, though I admit I don't know about the others. As you say, it seems likely but we may not be able to say more than that yet. A bit about breast cancer here - msue.anr.msu.edu/news/breastfeeding_and_reduce_breast_cancer_risk - this was just what google came up with, I can't say I spent ages searching.

Lilithmoon · 11/08/2013 09:52

But why Kytti?

MikeOxard · 11/08/2013 10:02

Kytti what an ignorant load of clap-trap; "it's not like we're in Africa and can't get clean food and drink easily" Bf is an ideal nourishment and not just nutritionally, but in terms of the immune protection it offers as well. It's not the second choice over something else ('clean food') which may or may not be available, it's the best thing you can offer, in addition to whatever else you feed.

MikeOxard · 11/08/2013 10:12

Also, since when did 'clean food and drink' have the same comforting effect as bf when your little one hurts himself or is ill, and since when did it give you a snuggly lay-in?!

KirjavaTheCat · 11/08/2013 10:22

I stopped breastfeeding DS four months ago when I was 8 weeks pregnant, and my milk dried up. He turned three last month and he doesn't really remember breastfeeding .

When we bring the baby up, he talks about how the baby can only have milk and not food, but doesn't seem to associate himself with it at all, so that whole thing about them remembering it and being scarred by it is BS.

Nobody else's business.

TinyTear · 11/08/2013 14:58

kytti do you give cow's milk? or you give toddler milk or growing up milk?

If you give enriched milk, then why are you paying extra for 'special' milk, are you saying cow's isn't enough? then in that case why not mummy milk?

the existence of toddler milk from formula companies justifies extended breastfeeding, as otherwise, it is necessary / helpful to have the lovely extra nutrition...

LynetteScavo · 11/08/2013 14:59

KirjavaTheCat, your DS is so traumatised by being breast feed he has erased it from his memory.

I am quite annoyed my DC don't remember me feeding their younger siblings. They actually think babies should be fed from bottles.

Idocrazythings · 11/08/2013 15:50

kytti shame on you and your uneducated comment. The amount of immune system boosting factors in breast milk is so much more concentrated in the breast milk of an older baby, because they drink less milk than a younger baby. Not to mention everything else in it. It's not just water and sugar. It is such a healthy "super food" yes food, why would you not want to give it to your baby as long as possible, especially since science can not replicate it at all??

poppingin1 · 11/08/2013 17:19

God I cannot stand when people refer to the whole continent of Africa as if it is one massive country with the same issues from North to South.

Africa is a continent of many, many countries Kitty. Yes some have serious socio and economical problems, but not every African mother breastfeed's for an extended period because all African mothers don't have access to clean food and water. What a load of ignorant rubbish.

Inertia · 11/08/2013 20:41

The only unreasonable thing you have done is to be pressured into agreeing a date to stop BF , which you obviously haven't stuck to because it wouldn't be right for you and your child.

It is perfectly ok to tell your dh that you don't want to plan a date to stop and you will work it out with your ds.

If dh finds it weird that you feed your child in the way evolution intended he needs to think about why it's a problem for you to continue to do something so beneficial for your child.

HappyAsASandboy · 11/08/2013 21:00

I have just finished feeding my twins, at 2yrs 6mo and 2yrs 9mo. They are both very vocal, but have never shouted 'I want boobies' or simar!

DS would just cuddle in at bedtime and I'd offer a boob. DD fed during the day too if upset/overtired, but she'd just sort it look at my chest and mumble a bit. At which point I'd either feed her or put her down and distract her.

Feeding an older child first necessarily mean feeding all day or having your top lifted or loud vocal demands. It can just be a quietly normal relationship between mother and child(ren) :)

Bunnyjo · 11/08/2013 21:01

I breastfed DD until she was 27mth and DS is now 27mth and still feeds on a night. Clearly, I am a bit daft or Kytti's comment was ridiculously ignorant and uneducated

WHO recommends breastfeeding until at least 2yrs of age for developed as well as developing nations.

HappyAsASandboy · 11/08/2013 21:19

doesn't, not first :)

cantsleep · 11/08/2013 21:29

I bf all my dcs. Dc1 till 4.5, dc2 till 2.5, dc3 till 2.5 and currently bf dc4 who is 16 months.

Dh does not really like me feeding ds2 as he is starting to do the hand down top/asking for bf and dh has s aid he is "too old to be bf" and is "doing weird things and actually asking for it". I just ignore him and I will stop only when ds2 is ready to stop.

Ignore your dh and carry on feeding your ds if you are both happy that's all that matters.

Original poster

Vijac · 11/08/2013 22:28

I know, I'm sure you are right inertia. I'm surprised that more people haven't said iabu actually and it gives me more energy to choose my own way. Though if it means continuing then it may meet some resistance. Nice to know I'm not alone in having a dh who wants me to stop, although it doesn't seem so common. Do you all feel pleased when you eventually stopped or did you miss the closeness?

OP posts:

Notanexcitingname · 11/08/2013 22:59

Bakingtins a very quick google reveals several papers demonstrating the reduced risk of bf'ing to 18 as opposed to 9 months. Given that it is believed that pretty much anything which reduces the number of ovulations reduces the risk of ovarian cancer, it is not surprising that the greater the duration of breastfeeding, the greater the reduction in risk.

The WHO is the WORLD health organisation, not the African Health Organisation. Its recommendations cover the World. Clue is in the name.

OP, breastfeed your dc as long as you and they want. But be straight with your DH, and to do so, try to clarify your own feelings. You say you've agreed to these arbitrary deadlines, and then not felt ready. That's quite understandable, but by getting things straight in your own mind, you can present a reasoned argument to your DH. Kellymom and the LLL book "mothering your nursing toddler" are good sources of information. And MN, of course ;)

Inertia · 11/08/2013 23:20

I BF mine for much shorter time than you ( longest time was about 15 months ) , mainly due to fitting the process of stopping feeding around my work and DH's work. The last feed to go was the bedtime one , and we decided that DH would need to do bedtime for several days in order to establish the new routine.

I did miss the closeness of BF for a while, but you can still do bedtimes snuggles with a cup of milk.

Just based on my own experience, i think my dc would have found bf every other day quite confusing at that age, unless it was dh covering the 'dropped' feed. Your dh seems to want to dictate the terms of BF, which i would not have been happy with. Is he willing to increase the amount of time he spends giving feeds and settling the baby over the period of giving up bf ?

Faithless12 · 12/08/2013 19:43

poppingin1
^God I cannot stand when people refer to the whole continent of Africa as if it is one massive country with the same issues from North to South.

Africa is a continent of many, many countries Kitty. Yes some have serious socio and economical problems, but not every African mother breastfeed's for an extended period because all African mothers don't have access to clean food and water. What a load of ignorant rubbish.^

It totally agree with this. My DS is BF at 25 months, I don't continue because I don't have access to clean water or food. Not only that but even in one country in Africa the differences are astounding, just look at Zimbabwe...

There are many reasons why people continue to BF. I don't understand why people insist on the 12 months weaning off teats and include BF in that, BF doesn't affect teeth in the same way as bottles and dummies.

Sal1977 · 12/08/2013 22:17

If its the nutrition side of things that is most important to you and the cringeyness of BF a toddler for your DH why not compromise and express??? I'm surprised noone has suggested this before.....

maja00 · 12/08/2013 22:24

Expressing isn't usually an easy option though - especially not a year+ in if you haven't been doing it regularly!

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 12/08/2013 22:26

"HappyAsASandboySun 11-Aug-13 21:00:18

I have just finished feeding my twins, at 2yrs 6mo and 2yrs 9mo. "

Was it just me who spent a while trying to work out how that was possible? Think I'm tired... :o

mynameismskane · 12/08/2013 22:33

First of All please ignore kytti's ignorant - and extremely stupid - comment.

Most importantly, your husband is being a dick. Please don't let his pathetic views stop you bf. I bf'd both mine for two years and three years and my dh was proud of me. Breast milk is still by far the best milk you can give your toddler. If you both are happy with bf - I mean you and your toddler, then don't stop.

Ikeameatballs · 12/08/2013 22:44

Ultimately you decide as it's your body. Your dh gets to express his view as he s ds's father but as he can't do the job of bf himself.....

Fwiw I will be happy when my ds (3.8) finally gives up. He has told me he will stop on his birthday but he said that last year too!

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