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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have not stopped breast feeding yet?

100 replies

Vijac · 09/08/2013 23:21

My son is 22 months. I had at the back of my mind that I would bf for a year when u started out. My husband agreed with that though he would have been happy with six months. His opinion was just that he wouldn't really like the feeding once our child was old enough to speak and ask for it. So anyway, he went along with it for the first year or more but after that has instigated conversations 3 times where we have agreed an age to stop. When I got there, I have not felt ready and have just continued, probably bit discussing it properly. My dh is a bit annoyed now, we have just had another convo and agreed to wind down to every other day when he is 23 months. Just to add, I am probably being a bit selfish as I sometimes use it to get myself a bit extra lie in in the morning, which probably is not a good reason to bf. so, aibu to keep reneging on these agreements, or is it my right to choose?

OP posts:

midori1999 · 10/08/2013 00:01

YANBU, it's your body and your choice. Presumably a large part of why you continue are the benefits to your DC?

I initially intended to BF DD until she was a year old, I never knew about the WHO guidelines or that many people fed for longer. DH was a bit uncomfortable when I mentioned carrying on past a year and maybe to natural term, but as time went on and he saw how much it benefitted DD it made him happy tbh.

I wonder how much your in laws are influencing your DH's views?

countingmyblessings · 10/08/2013 00:04

YANBU. I am bfing my 16 month old. ANYONE who has a problem with it can Fuck right off. It's healthy & normal. So boo to your dh

TheSecondComing · 10/08/2013 00:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jessieagain · 10/08/2013 00:07

I think it up to you mostly. Your ds isnt even 2 yet, which is what WHO recommends "up to and beyond".

I have just started to stop bf my 25 month old. I bf him till 2 for the health benefits mainly. I just wanted to get to 2 years. I never really enjoyed it for myself as other mothers do, so I can't wait to stop

It is interesting though, just in the last month or so he has become more affectionate and loves hugs and kisses and if he comes up for breastmilk now and I tell him that he is having less bm now and has to wait (he has just one or 2 small feeds at the moment) he is quite happy to snuggle instead. There has been some tears but not too many and I think he understands he is growing into a big boy who needs to eat more food and drink less breastmilk. His understanding seems to have increased so much recently.

I think if I had tried to stop earlier it would have been a lot more distressing for him as he didnt understand as much.

Goodluck and suggest your dh reads up on the benefits on the kellymom website as there are some excellent articles there.

PresidentServalan · 10/08/2013 17:07

YABU but only because it is not just your decision too make. Your DH is entitled to his opinion as a parent so I don't think you should just ignore his feelings on the subject. And he has just as much say in decisions about your DC as you do.

PresidentServalan · 10/08/2013 17:08

to, not too, obviously!

mawbroon · 10/08/2013 17:13

Yeah, my DH used to moan too, but he was more than happy to sleep through both DSs having early morning milk with me rather than him get up and start the day when they woke. And he was more than happy for me to feed them in the night so he didn't have to deal with them

candycoatedwaterdrops · 10/08/2013 19:24

Your husband had ZERO say over what you do with your body! Why does he want you to stop?

Emilythornesbff · 10/08/2013 19:30

YANBU to be breastfeeding your 22 mo DS.
Your DH is being unreasonable. Sorry, I don't know what I would have done if my DH had been like that about feeding. I think I might have told him to fuck off but you never know.

PeggyCarter · 10/08/2013 19:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maja00 · 10/08/2013 19:33

You're doing something safe, healthy and that doesn't affect your DH at all - I'm not sure it's something he should get a say in tbh. It's between you and your DS!

Original poster

Vijac · 10/08/2013 19:35

I think he worries that he will remember it and just thinks that over a certain age it's a bit weird. I could be wrong, but I do think this view is fairly widespread. I'm surprised that more people don't think it's a joint decision? But I agree that I do feel some pressure from him that is not really welcome.

OP posts:

glenthebattleostrich · 10/08/2013 19:36

DD self weaned 1 week before her 3rd birthday. DH was nagging me to give up from when she was 18 months but as I pointed out to him he was more than happy for me to do the bedtimes, early mornings and night wakings so I would deal with them in my own way.

I am glad I didn't force her to give up, it was such a special time. Carry on as long as you are both happy and ask DH why he feels the need to deprive your child of milk designed for his body

Bakingtins · 10/08/2013 19:38

I think extended/ natural term BF is fine. I fed DS2 past his 2nd birthday. I would tell any random stranger to get knotted if they expressed disapproval.
However, I think your DH has the right to an opinion on the subject, to have his feelings and yours respectfully discussed, and if you both agree on something wrt parenting to either stick with it or have further discussion about why plans need to change. I'm not surprised he is pissed off with you.

Nomnew · 10/08/2013 19:40

My OH wants me to give up too as he thinks it's getting a little weird- It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable as if I was somehow being unfair to my children and that for their sakes I need to knock it on the head.

Oldest DD is 5.5 (I'm catching up with StarBall!)
We might be at the far end of the spectrum but there are many many women feeding toddlers.

22 months is nothing

Nomnew · 10/08/2013 19:42

I too intended to feed for a year by the way.

And no way contrary to what some people might think am I doing it for my own "needs". It is not always pleasant or comfortable feeding older children.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 10/08/2013 19:46

YANBU, but you already knew that

Have you actually tried cutting down? (If you want to) Ive recently got 2yo ds to one feed a day but it was a struggle. Dh would prefer I cut it further but I don't think ds or I are ready so we won't.

poppingin1 · 10/08/2013 19:48

Our children are the same age OP. I breastfeed constantly during the day and night so am going to ease off soon, but only by natural progression. What I mean is that I am going back to work so DD will naturally have periods of the day when she doesn't feed as much. I will most likely whittle feeds down to twice a day as time goes on but have no plans to stop completely until she is ready. My DH is totally on board with this as it is my body and my choice.

Unless it is having a serious impact on your quality of life, your husband sounds quite selfish.

Calabria · 10/08/2013 19:49

My daughter can remember be breast fed. We stopped completely when she was three and a half. By the end we were down to about once or twice a week and only at bed time.

She's nine now and, so far, remembers it fondly.

I had every intention of stopping when she got teeth - so much for that idea :)

DuelingFanjo · 10/08/2013 19:58

If anyone in my family told me they were uncomfortable with me feeding my 32 month old it would just make me more determined to carry on.

5madthings · 10/08/2013 20:01

Yanbu, your body, your choice if you and your child are happy to continue then that is all that matters.

DizzyPurple · 10/08/2013 20:14

Continue until you and your child are ready to stop. No harm in discussing it with DH and accepting he has a viewpoint but at the end of the day it's not really his decision.
I fed DD2 until she was 3 years and 3 weeks. That was 8 months ago and she would be happy to continue. Partly I stopped because I felt pressured by DH but partly I wanted to. I do sometimes regret it though and as its looking like she will be our last wish I'd continued longer.
Not an easy decision. Consider all angles - you, Dh, your child before you stop.

DeputyDeputyChiefOfStaff · 10/08/2013 20:33

By breastfeeding, you're reducing your risks of ovarian and breast cancer, osteoporosis, high blood pressure and possibly Alzheimer's - why does your dh want you to increase your risk of getting these diseases?

lola88 · 10/08/2013 20:47

I think YABU in telling him you will stop then not doing it but YANBU in not stopping I wouldn't want to BF DS at that age I don't really know why i would just think he's to big but the same goes for bottles but if you want to do it then there is nothing wrong with it, if it's not effecting your DP in any other way than he doesn't like it then it's just something he may need to get used to.

This might be totally wrong but I would think BF at that age when he's very aware would create a lovely and very strong bond between you and your child could your DP maybe feel a bit left out that you have a bond with DS that he can't be a part of? It sounds weird but DP says he loves it when i'm away as when i'm there DS is always looking for his mummy but when i'm out of the house he's much more into his daddy could it be something like that?

MikeOxard · 10/08/2013 20:54

Yanbu, but he is. A lay-in is a great reason to bf - mother and child snoozing, relaxing together, starting the day in a lovely calm way, with cuddles - what's not to like? I would tell dh to jog on if he expected me to give that up just because he felt 'wierd' about a 22 month old being too old for it.

Dd gave up bf herself at 22 months. Dh supported me feeding however and whenever I decided - but was very appreciative of the morning lay-ins, so much so that after the morning lay in that my bfing gave him, he would then take dd downstairs and give her breakfast, a change etc while I had an extra lay-in (with nobody on my boob)! Dh's family are uncomfortable with bf altogether - I think dd was maybe 3 months when MIL first asked when I was going to stop bf. It's nobody's decision but the mum and the child. Your dh needs to support you or shut up about it imo, I wouldn't engage in further negotiations.

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