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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think MIL calling herself mum isn't ok

87 replies

appletarts · 09/08/2013 20:43

She's calling herself mum front of my kids, as in that she is their mum! AIBU being upset by this? DH said it's a slip of the tongue and she doesn't mean any harm but she's said it at least 7 times and it makes my blood boil. The kids are young so haven't really noticed I don't think, I hope not anyway. I asked her what the hell is she saying that for and she said oh silly me sort of thing but I think it's a bit below the belt.

OP posts:
MrsPercyPig · 09/08/2013 20:44

Give an example of exactly what she says.

MissStrawberry · 09/08/2013 20:46

If she is trying to say she is their mum then clearly she needs to stop but maybe if the child is very new she isn't used to saying granny yet.

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/08/2013 20:46

It really doesn't sound that bad! What exactly is she saying?

CaptainSweatPants · 09/08/2013 20:46

She should be saying 'come here to Grandma'
Not 'come here to Mum'

Is that what you mean?

It's very odd

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/08/2013 20:48

Also, is it 7 times in 5 years? Or 7 times today? What's the time frame?

Original poster
appletarts · 09/08/2013 20:48

She's saying now listen to mummy (her), where has mummy put her keys (her) Ooh mummy is naughty (her) that sort of weird nonsense.

OP posts:
Whothefuckfarted · 09/08/2013 20:50

Hmm weird...

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 20:50

I'd tell her to pack it in.

The ex mil did this too, until they were no longer babies and then she lost interest.

MrsPercyPig · 09/08/2013 20:50

YANBU

Tell her "MIL, you are not mummy in this house". Keep repeating until she gets the message!

She sounds really weird!

Justforlaughs · 09/08/2013 20:51

risks getting flamed for diagnosing on mumsnet It sounds weird to me, does she usually do this? Is there any chance that she might have some form of dementia? Probably not, but if there isn't then I'd tell her straight to cut it out.

Whothefuckfarted · 09/08/2013 20:53

Haha I was just reading that thread justforlaughs

Original poster
appletarts · 09/08/2013 20:53

She'll say it directly to them too so not just muttering it to herself. Like hello dd2 being your shoes to mummy (HER!). I mean hello, there is only one mummy here. It's wrong surely?

OP posts:
Whothefuckfarted · 09/08/2013 20:53

That's way wrong and very weird.. WTF?

Melonbreath · 09/08/2013 20:54

I'd say 'goodness listen to silly old GRANNY, she's going senile in her old age. Maybe we'd better stick her in a home'

McAvity · 09/08/2013 20:54

My MIL does this occasionally. I think it's a slip of the tongue because she is very used to beling a mum and not very used to being a granny (in her case - obv some MILs are just psycho).

My little sister is 7 years younger than me. She's the last baby I spent much time with until DD. I call her by DD's name and vice versa all the time.

Gingersnap88 · 09/08/2013 20:54

My mum does this all the time but by mistake. She also calls DD by my first name! No sign of old age setting in Wink

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 09/08/2013 20:55

Pull her up on it every time. Say to the kids, "she means grandma, not mummy." Doesn't have to be nasty, say it nicely, but say it every time. She'll get out of the habit.

OutragedFromLeeds · 09/08/2013 20:56

If it's all the time, then yes that is very odd and YANBU. Just say loudly to your DC 'oh that's not mummy is it, that's GRANDMA! Can you say GRANDMA DC? GRANDMA?'

FirstStopCafe · 09/08/2013 20:57

Wrong and strange. Definitely pull her up on it every time

Sheshelob · 09/08/2013 20:58

I agree. Make a gentle joke out of it with your kids. That way, if she is being a territorial twat, look stupid, and if she is going senile, it won't humiliate her.

LifeIsSoDifferent · 09/08/2013 20:59

I would nip this straight in the bus and make sure she unseating perfectly that she is NOT mum you are!! I swear I've never had boundary issues with phyco ex MIL

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 09/08/2013 20:59

You will have a view if this is calculated or accidental. It sounds like you think it is calculated in which case it's totally out of order. But confusion/ saying what is familiar could he the reason.

My DM calls DD by the cats name. DMs cat.

The cat is called ceefor (as in c for cat) aargh.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 09/08/2013 21:02

I don't think this is so very unusual.

I spent my childhood constantly being called my aunt's name by my grandad. It wasn't deliberate, I just reminded him of her and he slipped back into that pattern.

If she doesn't know she's doing it, just say 'you keep calling yourself mum'.

I get that the comment upthread about putting her in a home might have been a joke but that's really horrible.

TarkaTheOtter · 09/08/2013 21:03

Just ignore her silly games. Your children aren't going to get confused. She's pathetic, laugh at her. (Assuming you think she's doing it on purpose)

mameulah · 09/08/2013 21:05

What PercyPig said.

In fairness my Mum and Dad have often slipped up and said 'Mummy' or 'Daddy' since our ds was born just over eight months ago. But it was immediately evident that they realised they had slipped up.

Absolutely DO NOT put up with it.

But don't say it in a mean way, you will only have to apologise. That would be rubbish!