To think MIL calling herself mum isn't ok

[appletarts]

She's calling herself mum front of my kids, as in that she is their mum! AIBU being upset by this? DH said it's a slip of the tongue and she doesn't mean any harm but she's said it at least 7 times and it makes my blood boil. The kids are young so haven't really noticed I don't think, I hope not anyway. I asked her what the hell is she saying that for and she said oh silly me sort of thing but I think it's a bit below the belt.

And I'm pretty sure she liked to pretend she was my dd's mummy when in and around the town fruitloop

If it was just a slip of the tongue she would apologise.

I would hate this. Coupled with ignoring your wishes and telling you not to phone when she babysits, it would make me very uncomfortable.

Point it out every time, "I think you mean Granny" etcetera. And continue to call when she babysits (and don't let her babysit often).

Every time she refers to herself as Mummy, ask one of the kids to come show Granny what they've got/made etc. This would seriously annoy me, my mum wanted to be ma/mama to my daughter but she didn't realise that means mum, she thought it was just a shortened grandma.

younglover thank for your insights, have a lovely day.

We had my parents staying last week and we all had ever such trouble remembering who was who.

My mum would say to dd "show your picture to dad...no daddy.... No grandad....him" whilst pointing and glaring at my dad. (I'm not quite sure why it was my dad's fault she couldn't remember what to call him but it definitely was!)

But if you think it is on purpose then I would choose whichever granny name you think she hates the most and refer to her as that. Hopefully she will realise that she will be stuck as nana forever if she isn't careful and quickly "reclaim the grandma". (Works particularly well if MIL thinks son has married beneath him and DIL keeps calling her a name she thinks is common!)

What about a combination of the two and call her 'Gummy' ?

or Manny ??

I think you need to be direct with her - say, "MIL it upsets me when you call yourself mummy. I am their mother, you are their grandma. Please don't do this again". I think you have to try this before trying the 'silly granny' comments - they strike me as a bit passive-aggressive, and better kept in reserve, in case she carries on doing it after you have asked her directly.

Oh that is a great idea but the last time I said I wanted to call when she babysat she went off on a hysterical rant and ended up saying she'll never babysit again again. She's prone to dramatics. I just wanted to know AIBU and it seems the majority of people would feel a bit funny about it. I think if it were slip of the tongue she would apologise there and then and say oops or whatever and she does know she's doing it cos she looks at me after doing it, like eh did she catch that? She's frigging nuts thinking about it!

What I mean is I can never be direct with her, she tantrums!

I realise how much easier it is for me to sit here with my ipad and blithely advise confronting her than it is for you to do it - and I have to confess what a total hypocrite I am - when my dmum went all humphy because dh hadn't made yorkshires to go with the full roast beef Sunday dinner he had cooked for her, did I confront her and tell her not to sulk? Nope. I did not.

I do wonder if it would be better to talk to her about it, rather than letting it carry on until you are really wound up and there is a big bust up. But maybe the 'silly granny' comments would be an easier way to tackle it, if she is a tantrummer.

OP you know now YANBU at all!

This would drive me bonkers. Are your DCs her only grand kids? If not does she do it with the others?

Thank goodness my mum didn't do that with my kids, and my MIL doesn't do it with her baby GC. (So i'm not expecting her to do it when my baby comes along in Jan.)

I think the sensible advice is to tell her straight i'm afraid. You can't live your life treading on eggshells around her. It's just not fair on you and it's not the way to go on. For your kids sake apart form anything else, in possible future points of differing views between the two of you, you cant keep on backing down :( (i hope there aren't any future conflicts, by the way - but if she's used to getting her way ..... )