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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think MIL calling herself mum isn't ok

87 replies

appletarts · 09/08/2013 20:43

She's calling herself mum front of my kids, as in that she is their mum! AIBU being upset by this? DH said it's a slip of the tongue and she doesn't mean any harm but she's said it at least 7 times and it makes my blood boil. The kids are young so haven't really noticed I don't think, I hope not anyway. I asked her what the hell is she saying that for and she said oh silly me sort of thing but I think it's a bit below the belt.

OP posts:

zipzap · 09/08/2013 21:07

I would give as good as she gets - so if she's there saying 'where's mummy put her keys?' I'd say in an ever-so-nice-granny-is-a-silly-billy voice 'Oh MUMMY knows exactly where her keys are thank you, they're in her handbag. Has GRANNY lost her keys? Oh poor silly naughty GRANNY. You need to be sensible like MUMMY and always put your keys in your handbag so you don't lose them! Silly GRANNY.'

Or if she's told your dc to bring the shoes to her but said Mummy - then say 'No that's OK dc, I think GRANNY wants to help you put your shoes on, take your shoes to GRANNY. But you can bring them to MUMMY and I'll put them on if you want!'

So long as you are every so over the top super nice about it, it will annoy the hell out of your MIL if she is doing it deliberately and she won't be able to say anything because she can hardly tell you to stop telling the children to call her granny instead of mummy because that would show she is trying to usurp your place...

Madeyemoodysmum · 09/08/2013 21:08

Mine have done this by accident when the dc were babies but now they are nanny and grandad and are used to it.

If it continued into more than a few weeks though I'd have to mention it.

thebody · 09/08/2013 21:09

if its a mistake then it just is. I constantly called my dss girlfriend ( called Catherine) Katie, Cathy, klara and chiara.. fucking mental as she kept reminding me and I think I was so nervous by the end of their relationship it made it worse. I am a twat though!

think you get so used to calling yourself mummy, and lets face it she's been one a lot longer than you have, then its difficult to remember you arnt mummy.

if I were you I would ask her what she wants to be called by the grand children and use that. maybe a nick name or her first name or nanny ........

breatheslowly · 09/08/2013 21:11

I don't think it is a slip of the tongue. My DM regularly mixes up the names of her DGDs, when I was little my DGM would run through all of the family names including the dogs' before getting to the right one. Neither of them have ever called themselves 'mummy' to their DGC.

YippeeKiYayMakkaPakka · 09/08/2013 21:11

Is she doing it deliberately? I sometimes say "Mummy" instead of "Granny" when referring to my Mum in front of the DCs, just out of habit.

Unless she's doing it on purpose, I can see how it's a bit irritating but not "blood-boil"-worthy, surely?

Labro · 09/08/2013 21:16

Ex Mil used to do this, but she was psycho. Just gently reinforce the 'granny' and she should stop.

guiltyconscience · 09/08/2013 21:16

Is mil going through the change only this could be me you are going on about my memory has just gone I hate it, if so then have a bit of patience op your poor mil is going through hell.

maja00 · 09/08/2013 21:20

I accidentally call myself mummy to my nephews all the time!

KirjavaTheCat · 09/08/2013 21:22

My MIL does this, but she does have a small child herself around the same age as my son, so I do let it go, in her case it is possible that it is accidental.

But yanbu. It is very weird.

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 09/08/2013 21:24

I do this with my niece and nephew all the time! Acutally, I say 'Aunty x' to them, when I mean Mummy more often (as in, go to Aunty x while I put my shoes on, no, I mean go to your mum!) but I have occasionally referred to myself as Mummy too. I do correct myself though. We each have an older child of the same age, who have been in and out of each others houses constantly, who are used to the mix ups and just correct us. Younger ones can't do that yet!

Chocolatehunter · 09/08/2013 21:26

My grandmother used to be called Mam by all of the grandchildren and although she passed before I was born, my own mother has always said that she wouldn't have wanted me to call her Mam, as she was Mam in our family. I don't think you are being unreasonable and can completely understand why you would be upset by your MIL.

thebody · 09/08/2013 21:34

it's all in the intent really and only the op knows that.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 09/08/2013 21:44

Has she been like this since DD1 was born?

AdmiralData · 09/08/2013 21:45

My generally great MIL did this last night repeatedly and in the context that she was my ds 'Mam'. Grr. YANBU.

NicknameIncomplete · 09/08/2013 22:01

No one in my family has ever done this. My parents have a lot of grandchildren & might get names mixed up but has never referred to herself as their mum.

I could imagine my ex MIL doing this if i wasnt there but she was a cow who thought she owned my dd.

RubbishNameChange · 09/08/2013 22:03

YANBU

MirandaGoshawk · 09/08/2013 22:07

My mum calls me by her sister's name, and my DD by my name. She's probably just thrilled to be a Granny and is sort of re-living her early days with your DH I will be the same, I know. As someone said upthread, she will stop when they get a bit older. In the meantime, I would just pull her up on it gently. It's not as if the dch are with her all the time, is it? So they will know who their mother is!

thegreylady · 10/08/2013 00:12

We (my cousins and I) always called our maternal grandma Mother! My mum did the same with her grand who was Nanna to me. It's a sign of a matriarchal family I guess. I haven't kept it up but one of my cousins did.

Coconutty · 10/08/2013 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Loa · 10/08/2013 00:19

My MIL did this a lot - I corrected her every time. I do think you get a sense when it's accidental and when it's not.

In MIL case she wasn't ready to be Grannie despite DH being over 30 and there was some control issues and role confusion- her thinking she had more input and not seeing DH and I as grown ups and parents.

Did make crack about her age and getting senile - when it went on and on - did work in stopping it.

pigletmania · 10/08/2013 00:20

I would just correct her and say don't you mean granny, or Nana, Everytime those happens

Sparklysilversequins · 10/08/2013 00:36

ALL adult women are Mummy to my two year old nephew. It's difficult to remember you've got three kids calling you mum that one of them is not actually yours!

MovingForward0719 · 10/08/2013 00:42

I was an auntie at 16 and had my first child at 33. Took ages for me to stop calling myself auntie lol to my own child. I don't think my mil did the mummy thing but she was bloody weird in lots of other ways. Just make s joke of it and let it go.

Wearytiger · 10/08/2013 08:21

I've got Christmas cards from my MIL to my dd addressed 'to my daughter'. YANBU!

However I am confident on your behalf that she will stop doing it if it's deliberate as frankly it does make her look batty (that's what happened with my MIL!)

Peanate · 10/08/2013 08:27

Not quite the same, but my MIL likes to call me Mummy.

I don't mind if its in context when the kids are around, but when it's something like 'would you like a glass of wine mummy' it jus creeps me right out.

DH thinks I'm over reacting when I whinge to him about it. He did shut up though when I pointed out it would be like my mum calling him Daddy....

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