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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel annoyed when people 'diagnose' ASD on here?

97 replies

JaneFonda · 09/08/2013 19:40

It doesn't happen in every thread of this kind, but it does happen quite often.

If the OP is talking about someone who has been horrible, insensitive, or plain unkind, there is quite often someone who will suggest that maybe the person has ASD, or something similar.

I don't have DCs with autism, but I do have friends who do, and I find it so sad that it is regularly suggested that someone who is mean or spiteful could be that way due to autistic traits.

I completely understand people wanting to point out that maybe someone has social difficulties, and that people should be considerate even if someone isn't very nice, but AIBU to feel annoyed that it is suggested so often on here?

OP posts:
candycoatedwaterdrops · 09/08/2013 19:44

YANBU. It's not just ASD; we also have some resident experts on depression and narcissistic personality disorder.

Eyesunderarock · 09/08/2013 19:47

Yes, we get bored with the shallow, tedious repetition.
I file posters that suggest it in the same box as credulous Daily Mail Readers and Doggy Apologists.
Mean and spiteful needs intent to hurt.

ReginaPhilangie · 09/08/2013 19:49

YANBU. I have found though since my dd was diagnosed I am a lot more aware of ASD traits in people and tend to "diagnose" them in my head.

AgentZigzag · 09/08/2013 19:53

If it was used to put the person down YANBU, but there are certain traits that might ring true to people with an intimate knowledge of whatever it is, why shouldn't they be able to say what's on their mind?

If it's used in a discussion and in a positive/neutral way, it's surely got to be a good thing that so many people talk about it?

On a thread I read about a posters nightmare date, it wasn't saying they might have autism because he was spiteful, it was the structure of how he interacted with the OP which made people think it.

DrDance · 09/08/2013 19:54

YANBU

Although I do not have any experience of ASD and am not sure if my understanding of it is now a genuine understanding or jumbled from reading some posts Confused

SaucyJack · 09/08/2013 19:54

YANBU. Ditto personality disorders.

LynetteScavo · 09/08/2013 19:55

Well, I think people who say it are trying to be kind.

Misguided? Yes, very. My ADS DS would never do any of the things that posters are going on about when someone suggests ASD.

Although I was once posting in a public place about a man who was being a bit odd. Several posters suggested that he was ASD, and when I gave it some thought, I think they were right. It would explain a lot. But obviously I'm not a psychologists, and only had a snapshot of this man, so what the hell do I know?

Original poster
JaneFonda · 09/08/2013 19:57

Regina, I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with being more aware of traits if you have experience of them - I know many posters worried about their young children have found it useful to talk to others who have a bit more knowledge.

Agent, I hadn't read that thread so I'm not sure what was said, although that does sound like a different example. What I mean is when posters suggest it, even when the OP contains limited information. If someone is rude/ignores someone/doesn't invite someone somewhere/acts a bit out of character, 'they might have ASD' often appears in one of the replies.

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 09/08/2013 19:59

YANBU.

AgentZigzag · 09/08/2013 19:59

It's also encouraging people to be a bit less judgemental, to look for why someone might be behaving as they are.

But then it's a double edged sword because it can end up stigmatizing more people than it helps.

Original poster
JaneFonda · 09/08/2013 20:01

Yes Agent, you're absolutely right.

I was trying to think of how to word it, but you did it very well. I really think it is good to be sensitive, even when other people are acting in a not very nice way, but it does end up seeming a bit like, 'if they're doing something horrible, they must have ASD/a mental illness' which seems quite nasty.

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 09/08/2013 20:06

It's this thread.

The posters (from what I can remember thinking back on the thread) said it as part of a wider comment on his behaviour, but the posters who took them to task portrayed it as just saying about the 'negative' behaviour.

AgentZigzag · 09/08/2013 20:11

Maybe things will improve when knowledge about these disorders (if that's the right word?) becomes more widely accepted into people's general knowledge?

I think I'm right saying even the medical profs don't know a whole lot about how it works, so if they don't, it's not surprising there's nothing definite to get hold of for the rest of us, especially when there are such huge variations in the degree a person can be affected.

McAvity · 09/08/2013 20:13

Why are you getting so upset over this OP, do you have Borderline Personality Disorder or something?

cocolepew · 09/08/2013 20:14

YANBU. I was just thinking the same the last few days.

MrsDeVere · 09/08/2013 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentZigzag · 09/08/2013 20:15

I thought she was being a bit OCD about it actually McA.

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 09/08/2013 20:18

I get pissed off with it too.

Someone acts like a wanker? They MUST have Aspergers / ASD.

My son has ASD and would never behave like the twats that get talked about here.
I can think of probably 5 examples of that in recent memory.
It's the 'oh so ready' to diagnose that fucks me right off.

Selfish= Narc
Twat / rude= ASD

Energetic / Naughty= ADHD
Almost everything else = depression.

Now sometimes this can be really helpful and in a supportive way but at other times its just inflammatory and unhelpful.

frogspoon · 09/08/2013 20:23

Sorry if I've got the complete wrong end of the stick here:

I thought ASD stood for autistic spectrum disorder

So if it's a spectrum, surely it goes all the way from no traits of autism, to some milder autistic traits (e.g. aspergers) all the way to showing multiple strong autistic traits (autism)

So wouldn't that mean that in fact everyone is on the autistic spectrum, just that some people are further along it than others?

CoTananat · 09/08/2013 20:25

Mumsnet is obsessed with ASD. I have had people PM me diagnosing me with Aspergers on here. Shock

I accept it's a reasonable conclusion given my, er... personality, but still! Give it a rest, internet doctors!

(I think it's an overactive mothering instinct, probably, which is not the worst trait in the world so I forgive them.)

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 09/08/2013 20:26

No, it doesn't mean that, frog.

It's a spectrum, yes, so there are more and less serious cases, but that doesn't mean everyone is on the spectrum.

It's like sight loss - some people are unable to see anything, others see light and shade, others see fuzzily, and many need glasses - but some people have 20/20 or better and those people are not on any spectrum of sight loss.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 09/08/2013 20:27

(Sorry, I am aware some people would say it's off to compare sight loss to autism, please accept I'm only thinking about spectrums and not about anything more detailed.)

TheAccidentalExhibitionist · 09/08/2013 20:28

Aspergers does not necessarily mean milder autistic traits frogspoon

ExitPursuedByABear · 09/08/2013 20:28

I read somewhere that all men are ASD in some way.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 09/08/2013 20:29

I blame Simon Baron-Cohen.

Mainly because it's fun.