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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed about this stag weekend

88 replies

r3d3 · 08/08/2013 22:37

Just found that DH will be spending his birthday away on a stag weekend. It's the middle day of a three-dayer (rolls eyes) so I won't see him or speak to him at all on his birthday. Apparently he doesn't do birthdays, so it doesn't matter.

I don't think it's even that that bothers me, it's that he isn't even particularly close to this guy, he hates stag weekends as a rule, and he's just going because "that's what you do". I know this guy would not do the same for him, and most guys going will be total dicks (media people).

Oh and another thing, their bloody wedding is no children, which is fine, but no exception for breast-fed infants, so I can't go.

AIBU, and either way, take pity on me with suggestions as to what to do with a 4mo DS for three days on my own, since literally all our family and friends will be away on holiday.

OP posts:

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 22:39

I would just tell him no he is not going. I know I will get flamed for that but I don't care. 3 day stag weekends are for single men-not those with the responsibility of a family imo.

Original poster

r3d3 · 08/08/2013 22:41

WOO HOO IANBU! Close the thread now before anyone else can comment :)

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2013 22:42

Pinupgirl, what would you do if your DH acted like a free thinking adult and went anyway?

FreshLeticia · 08/08/2013 22:43

and I would turn up at the wedding with your EBF infant as well. Fuckers.

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 22:45

If it was abroad I would hide his passport

Tbh my dh wouldn't go on a stag weekend-he is anti social and it's all I can do to get him to go a night out.

Why-are you one of those "cool" wives who are happy with their dh's getting a dry hump off a stripper?

Celador · 08/08/2013 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrsmindcontrol · 08/08/2013 22:45

I have to admit I just don't get the attitude you see on a lot of these threads about 'poor old me, how will I cope all alone for xxx days with the DC...'??
I'm a LP and spend huge amount of days & nights on my own with my 3 DC & whilst its restrictive in that I can't just pop out for a pint of milk in the evening, I don't feel it's a burden like these poor abandoned stag do widows seem to...?!

BeauNatt · 08/08/2013 22:46

My DH would not be going on a 3 day stag do if we had a 4mo. We will have a 10mo when he goes on a 2 day stag do (2 overnights) soon and that took a lot of discussion, mainly as I'd likely be left on my own with the baby (no family nearby).

Yanbu at all, I hope he can see that. His birthday has nothing to do with it, he needs to be there for you and the baby.

Original poster

r3d3 · 08/08/2013 22:51

celador, I wouldn't go on a 3 day hen ever, but that's just me. Weird, as i'm more sociable than him. It's just too long to be wearing willy necklaces. (This is not part of the aibu, it's just personal prefererence..)
Financially we are fine for him to go, it's in the UK.

mrsmindcontrol I don't know how you do it. DH is away a LOT with work anyway, but when he first gets home I'm just clinging to him in relief at seeing another adult. (Am not a clingy person in general.)

OP posts:

VileWoman · 08/08/2013 22:59

I'm loving this. We were friends with a couple when DD1 was small and they had their stag and henny dos the same weekend (they had babysitters, we didn't). I was heavily pregnant with DD2 at the time (and DD1 was only 16 months old) so DH buggared off to Amsterdam to get stoned for a weekend and I was left alone and was mightily pissed off by the end of the weekend (my main social group at the time were all at the stag and hen dos). I feel very justified for being pissed off now!

OP, YANBU. Stag dos seem to be stupidly important, DH has always been much more considerate about going away for work, he had a conference last year that was important to go to but DS was only a few months old. DH was prepared to not go to that but would never have turned down a stag do.

wilkos · 08/08/2013 23:01

I can't understand why some women can't look after their own children for three days on their own what is wrong with you all?

However, YANBU about a three day stag do for a bloke he couldnt care less about. What a pointless way to spend a heap of cash.

Celador · 08/08/2013 23:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fairylightsinthespring · 08/08/2013 23:06

I think he is an adult and its up to him how he spends his birthday. As for the wedding, their choice. You could choose to express milk and leave the baby with GPs for a few hours or don't go. I am with Wilko on not understanding on why people can't handle their own children / child for a couple of nights on their wn

bonkersLFDT20 · 08/08/2013 23:08

Did you discuss all this before he decided to go? For me, that would be the main issue. It sounds like you didn't get a chance to voice your own opinion.
You need to separate the issue of the non-child wedding. It's annoying for you, but that's not your DH's fault.

sameoldIggi · 08/08/2013 23:14

Of course the OP can cope on her own for 3 days, but why should she have to? Will this be reciprocated, will she get a long weekend by herself at some point this years? If so, fair enough.
I wouldn't be keen on him to then subsequently leave me again for the wedding itself. Hope it's somewhere nearby at least.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2013 23:15

Why-are you one of those "cool" wives who are happy with their dh's getting a dry hump off a stripper?

What a strange assumption to make just because I asked you a question?

My DH doesn't like stag do's and refuses to go on them.

And where did the OP mention strippers and dry humping?

Doingakatereddy · 08/08/2013 23:16

The thing that would annoy me is that this stag is not a close friend, as others have said it seems a huge waste of money.

FWIW, my DH went on 3 day stag when DD was 8 weeks & I had 3 yo DS and I also couldn't go to wedding. I'm still happily reaping the brownie points I earned. Some will say, marriage isn't about brownie points - but Sod them, do what's best for you

Joiningthegang · 08/08/2013 23:19

I'm with other - why can't you cope alone. It is HIS birthday - if it was yours and you loved birthdays I would understand.

I also don't understand not allowing your spouse to do or not do things. We are both adults. We pretty much do as we please . If I was going on a weekend away with friends, on my birthday, and I go to work and earn money, them my husband hid my passport or demanded I didn't go, frankly there would be an outcry of "controlling behaviour" and LTB

Act like adults and treat each other like adults

If it is because you think it isn't fair. Decide in a weekend and leave him with the kids on a deferent weekend.

Pinupgirl · 08/08/2013 23:19

There seemed to be a certain tone to your question worra-apologies if I am wrong?

But I personally find there is a lot of bollocks spouted on here about how you have to be tolerant of people-and especially mens-free time and how they spend it. For example if the man has a hobby/sport that takes up a large amount of time-very often the dw is told just to suck it up.

Nope sorry but not happening in my house-being in a family means being considerate of the whole family and buggering off on stag weekends just aint happening!

Viviennemary · 08/08/2013 23:22

I don't blame you for not being happy about this. I wouldn't be but would probably grudgingly put up with it. Stag do's seem to have got a bit out of hand in recent years.

fairylightsinthespring · 08/08/2013 23:23

why should she have to manage a child on her own? Well maybe so that her adult partner can have some separate adult time away. There is nothing in the OP that suggests that she can't also do this at some other time, or that he goes off all the time and leaves her alone. IF that were the case, then it might be different, but on the face of it, its not an entirely unreasonable request.

mumofweeboys · 08/08/2013 23:25

His going away wouldnt phase me as my dh works away anyway. I would enjoy 3 days of peace and quiet, for me it would be the money he is spending as things r tight.

Theres load u can do qith 4 month old - take them swimming, parks, play daft games.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 08/08/2013 23:34

IDryHumpedWorrasHusband. - I've been needing a new NN for a while ???

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2013 23:35

Pinupgirl everyone's relationship is different, obviously.

But telling another adult 'No you're not going' or 'It's not happening', sounds like control freakery to me.

Fair enough, your DH or mine wouldn't want to go anyway...but the OP's obviously does.

Therefore, telling him what he can/can't do isn't going to make the situation change is it?

Unless he's happy to be controlled.

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2013 23:37

Malcolm Go for it!!!

It's the only action he's going to get this weekend!!

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