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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed about this stag weekend

88 replies

r3d3 · 08/08/2013 22:37

Just found that DH will be spending his birthday away on a stag weekend. It's the middle day of a three-dayer (rolls eyes) so I won't see him or speak to him at all on his birthday. Apparently he doesn't do birthdays, so it doesn't matter.

I don't think it's even that that bothers me, it's that he isn't even particularly close to this guy, he hates stag weekends as a rule, and he's just going because "that's what you do". I know this guy would not do the same for him, and most guys going will be total dicks (media people).

Oh and another thing, their bloody wedding is no children, which is fine, but no exception for breast-fed infants, so I can't go.

AIBU, and either way, take pity on me with suggestions as to what to do with a 4mo DS for three days on my own, since literally all our family and friends will be away on holiday.

OP posts:
MalcolmTuckersMum · 08/08/2013 23:39

Don't bloody tempt me worra! Grin

Is he in the doghouse? Or are you just all out of dry humps?

chattychattyboomba · 08/08/2013 23:46

DH has been on many a stag trip abroad. I personally have no issue with it- as long as I am given the same courtesy of a girls trip away in future, but then again we practically live in each other's pockets I relish the break. As for the 'friends' who will not take exception to your EBF baby at their wedding, they are no longer friends. Ensure your DH is aware that as you will not be attending the wedding, unfortunately he will be declining the invite to the stag and the wedding- but to wish the happy couple 'all the best' and hope they have a baby very soon so they can be excluded from social events too Smile
I realise this may not be helpful but it's got my claws out.

WorraLiberty · 09/08/2013 00:23

Period from hell Malcolm

I think I've given birth to my internal organs

I removed my tampon and my cervix was clinging on to the end of it for dear life...screaming for me to shove it back up.

You get the mental picture?

Good

HTH Grin

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 00:32
StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 00:35

Right, yes, I don't think I would be too happy if it was someone he wasn't that close to but I wouldn't demand he not go. He must be close to some one at least going otherwise why would he be invited?

MidniteScribbler · 09/08/2013 00:52

Well there's an image that's going to fester....

LazyMonkeyButler · 09/08/2013 01:11

Ahem..... heading back to the OP. Grin

Forget the birthday, it's an adult's birthday not a child's. I'm totally with your DH in that I "don't do birthdays" (apart from for other people, who it matters to) so would see that as a non-point.

Leaving you alone with a 4 month old for a weekend with a bloke he isn't even close to - and to celebrate a wedding you are excluded from, might be a bit much.

I would have no problem with DH going on a 3 day stag do now, but our youngest is 2 (today) so not the same situation.

deleted203 · 09/08/2013 01:34

I wouldn't mind being left with a baby for 3 days - DH worked away from home for donkey's years and was only home at weekends.

Wouldn't care if it was his birthday - but I would do if it were mine Grin

I'd be pissed off at him buggering off for a jolly, expensive, drunken holiday with his mates (acquaintances?) though. We can't afford 3 days away together. Is he going to take you and baby on holiday as well at some point soon? Or do you get the same amount of money to spend on yourself? These would probably be my arguments.

If it's costing him, say, £500 for the trip then I'd be expecting to spend £500 on myself.

Chottie · 09/08/2013 05:09

I don't understand the 3 day stag thing. Why does it have to be 3 days long?

Original poster
r3d3 · 09/08/2013 06:30

Worra, what a lovely image Smile

I'm not stopping him going, I wouldn't feel right, or id be the wife who stops him doing stuff. How could I stop feeling annoyed though? And any weekend away I get will mean taking the baby, have declined 2 hen weekends this year. I could have gone for a day but they weren't that nearby and honestly I feel so worn down from looking after ds it just seems like something extra to manage.

People saying I should be able to look after ds on my own, I have him by myself 5 or 6 days at a time every 3 weeks or so for Dh work reasons. Running out of ideas on things to do alone with him.

Basically I just want everyone to be unhappy Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
r3d3 · 09/08/2013 06:32

The 5 or 6 days means nights as well.

OP posts:
MortifiedAdams · 09/08/2013 06:39

Tge double standards on here amaze me.

I started a thread a few days ago musing as to whetger I should go.on a three day hen weekend six weeks after giving birth to my second child - I received almost exclusively positive responses.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/08/2013 07:35

How bloody weird not to want your partner to go away and have fun. OP YABU and so are the other people who say he should be with his family on his birthday...he's not 6 ffs! It's not like he'll be having jelly and cake!

What a weird way to live a life...unable to be your own person EVER again because you're married!

DH and I encourage one another to spend time with friends...we WANT one another to be with mates and have fun!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/08/2013 07:36

Mortified EXACTLY!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/08/2013 07:37

And the baby is 4 months! If we were talking 4 days...well then it might be different but to be honest, a woman or man who can't cope with their own child alone for a few days would worry me!

chrome100 · 09/08/2013 09:55

WTF? Why on earth shouldn't he go? It's his birthday so surely he gets to spend it as he wishes? And as for the three days away, it's not all that long and provided you get to do what you want for three days when the time arises that's not an issue.

I really don't see the problem, tbh.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 09/08/2013 11:50

I don't chrome. If op "makes" him stay at home, what scintillating plans will she offer?

sameoldIggi · 09/08/2013 11:53

I get that "forbidding" your partner from going away sounds very controlling etc. But I don't think a parent has the right to just go away without the agreement of the other, unless of course they are willing to arrange childcare for the full weekend for their children. Mother as default carer is really unfair.

sameoldIggi · 09/08/2013 11:55

As to the birthday issue, on mumsnet it seems to depend what day of the week you post as to what answer you get - sometimes adults wanting to celebrate their birthdays is seen as the most ridiculous thing ever, sometimes as a god-given right.

Trills · 09/08/2013 11:58

If I was invited for a weekend away and it fell on my birthday, then I would ignore my birthday and go if I thought I would enjoy it.

Anyone old enough to read a calendar is also old enough to choose to celebrate their birthday on a more convenient date (not the exact date).

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 11:59

I think OP is being very reasonable. Her dh isn't close to the person having the Stag do anyway so I don't see why he'd want to go.

Also he's already away with work a lot and it might be nice to spend some time with his family.

I could see why he would want to go if it was a really good friend though.

LifeIsSoDifferent · 09/08/2013 12:02

YANBU in not wanting him to go and I think he's wrong for going too but I'm
Another that can't understand how peor can't manage with their DCs on their own for a few days

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 12:10

She hasn't said she can't manage her child for a few days and does it frequently. Hmm

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 12:22

Exactly YouTheCat.

The OP manages on her own whilst her DH works away a lot. Now he wants to add an extra 3 days away onto that time for someone's stag do who he isn't even close to.

As I said, I wouldn't personally stop him if it was me butI wouldn't exactly be jumping for joy on his behalf.

ZingWidge · 09/08/2013 12:28

I don't get why wouldn't want to spend his first birthday as a father with his sonConfused

and over people who don't seem to be that important!
I wouldn't do that if it was my birthday either.

I would not be happy about this situation OP, so YANBU