Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to be annoyed about this stag weekend

88 replies

r3d3 · 08/08/2013 22:37

Just found that DH will be spending his birthday away on a stag weekend. It's the middle day of a three-dayer (rolls eyes) so I won't see him or speak to him at all on his birthday. Apparently he doesn't do birthdays, so it doesn't matter.

I don't think it's even that that bothers me, it's that he isn't even particularly close to this guy, he hates stag weekends as a rule, and he's just going because "that's what you do". I know this guy would not do the same for him, and most guys going will be total dicks (media people).

Oh and another thing, their bloody wedding is no children, which is fine, but no exception for breast-fed infants, so I can't go.

AIBU, and either way, take pity on me with suggestions as to what to do with a 4mo DS for three days on my own, since literally all our family and friends will be away on holiday.

OP posts:

celticclan · 09/08/2013 15:24

I don't know why people are comparing the OP to a single parent because she isn't a single parent.

I wouldn't be happy it will be expensive why waste money on someone he isn't even close to? He has a young family at home it is tough looking after small children. I wouldn't be happy if dh wanted to waste our money on a foreign piss-up leaving me at home changing nappies.

TimothyClaypoleLover · 09/08/2013 16:02

OP, TBH you don't need suggestions on what to do with a 4mo baby. They don't do anything at that age compared to the the havoc a toddler can wreak!! So take yourselves shopping, the park, wherever you want to go.

I think YABU for expecting DH to have to spend his birthday at home. If it was your birthday or DS birthday that would be different.

I think it is important for couples to spend time away from one another and would never stop hubbie going away on a stag or indeed any long weekend with mates. The trouble is though as mothers we automatically put the kids before our own social life whereas men don't think the same way.

I would be a bit annoyed though by the stag not being a good friend and the fact that you cannot attend the wedding because you are breast feeding.

allmycats · 09/08/2013 16:07

Can't understand why 1 adult thinks they should have complete control over anothers movements. Let him go, and have a relaxing weekend yourself. It is not hard to look after a 4 month old, they just get carried along with you.
Take the baby to the wedding - what will they do, they can hardly throw you out !!

Justforlaughs · 09/08/2013 16:15

I don't think YABU to want your DH to spend his birthday with you and your DC, I don't think YABU to think a stag do is major waste of money (if you don't have much to throw around), I don't think YABU to think that someone who isn't a best mate (or even if he was a best mate, tbh) shouldn't come before you.
However, I do think that you need to accept that your DH is an adult, and has the right to make his own decisions. In all fairness, i would encourage my DH to go and have a really good time (if we could afford it) and use it as leverage to have a really good weekend away with friends, while he looked after DC. I have at least one weekend away every year, and DH has our 5 kids. I struggle to get him to take me up on the offer of having a night out, so I can feel guilty about it, but tough!

fairylightsinthespring · 09/08/2013 16:45

what exactly is the OPs DP supposed to do with a 4m old on his birthday that makes it special? The kid can barely raise a smile, he's not going to help him blow out candles is he? The OPs DP isn't into birthdays anyway, its not a big deal for him. When my DH goes away for some reason, yes its a bit more of a strain (with 2 DCs aged 2 and 3) but I don't "stop" him going and we try to balance it up so we each get opportunities for time "off". The "default" carer is the other parent. Am a bit at the poster above who suggested the DP should arrange childcare for when he is away so that it doesn't fall to the mother - can you imagine the reaction on here if a father said he was getting in help when the mother went away for a few days??

TheWickedBitchOfTheBest · 09/08/2013 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 17:18

FFS! The OP DOES look after her child, alone, 5-6 days/ nights at a time whilst her DH works away. But is it so much for her to want to spend some time with him when he is back, rather than him swanning off again for 3 more days for someone he isn't even close to? She misses him, and is not single so why the fuck should she have to live like she is just because other single mothers have to do it, so her DH can come and go as he fucking pleases?

Jesus Christ!

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 17:22

Exactly, StraightJacket.

It's not about anyone dictating. It's about a bit of mutual respect.

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 17:32

If the stag actually mattered to her DH, then I doubt she would even bat an eyelid. It is the fact he doesn't, but yet he is still going so basically choosing to spend time with someone he isn't close to, rather than his wife and child whom he spends enough time away from as it is.

Well, it would be that which would piss me off anyway, but as I said earlier, I wouldn't dictate to him and tell him not to go still.

But all this "Oh single mums have to do it" has fuck all to do with this frankly.

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 17:34

All the single mum stuff is a bit bloody irrelevant anyway.

If the OP was a single mum she wouldn't be pissed off that her dh was going on a 3 day stag do with someone he doesn't know that well, would she?

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 17:46

Precisely. And if a woman posted in relationships, saying how they always do the childcare, practically living like a single mother, whilst their DH was working away/going on 3 day stag dos etc but didn't mind, then they would no doubt be told to stop being a doormat because she isn't meant to be a single mother but in a partnership.

You just can't win on here.

gordyslovesheep · 09/08/2013 18:06

oh don't do the 'practically a single mother' line as a single mother I can tell you that's crap

You husband is an ADULT - he is allowed to do things without you

Doing things without you doesn't mean going to strippers

It means doing things without you

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 18:10

The OP hasn't pulled the 'practically a single mother' line at all.

gordyslovesheep · 09/08/2013 18:12

erm no Straightjacket did in the post right above mine - which I was responding to - or are we only allowed to address responses to the OP - in which case we both just broke the rules

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 18:12

I agree gordy. You should do things without each other.

I was making a point, due to someone saying "Well single mothers cope day in day out bla bla" that she isn't a single mother, so shouldn't have to cope on her own day in day out so her hubby can do as he wishes whilst shestays at home looking after the kids. That isn't fair.

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 18:13

Oh bloody hell! Will it break the internet?

gordyslovesheep · 09/08/2013 18:16

I agree but I don't think that's the case - he is going away for 3 days - not leaving for good or doing it on a weekly basis is he?

Unless he would not 'let her' go away for 3 days then she is BU - he's not her co-joined twin

YouTheCat join me in walking away nonchalantly, whistling and trying not to look guilty before someone realises we broke it

YouTheCat · 09/08/2013 18:19

Tries to whistle and makes weird farty noise.

gordyslovesheep · 09/08/2013 18:24

StraightJacket · 09/08/2013 18:24

I have already said I wouldn't stop my Dp from going on the stag, I can just understand how she might miss him whilst he is away on work and it might be getting her down that it seems he is just "swanning off" again when she might of been looking forward to a nice weekend with him (maybe even planning a naughty weekend seeming as it is his birthday )

It was just the "Wow, can't look after your own kids for 3 days missing the point you said you are alone with them for 5 to 6 days at a time single mothers do it all the time" comments that wound me up.

Mrsrobertduvall · 09/08/2013 18:27

Think op is being a bit of a drama queen.

Plan a break of your own or with the 3 of you for later.
Dh and I regularly have breaks without each other.

K8Middleton · 09/08/2013 18:29

Yabu. If he wants to go he should go. It's only 3 nights away, not trekking across the Sahara in an old fashioned diving suit. Why wouldn't you also go away for 3 nights if you wanted to?

I wouldn't dream of asking my dh's permission to go out or away. I would check it didn't clash with anything he had planned and because we have a mutual respect I wouldn't take the piss... but so long as nobody's being put upon what's the issue? Dh would do exactly the same for me.

celticclan · 09/08/2013 19:06

Perhaps the OP doesn't have the money to allow for them both to have lots of weekend breaks away.

chattychattyboomba · 09/08/2013 22:18

DH says 'he's obviously a 3rd tear friend. So I wouldn't even bother going to the stag, let alone wedding'

VileWoman · 10/08/2013 19:55

I think in some relationships people do have time away and in others they don't. DH and I rarely get time alone together, why would we waste our leisure time having time apart? But some couples have more family/community support and so do have time apart more often. I don't think it's fair to criticise people who don't want to spend a whole weekend alone with their children (especially since the OP says she spends all week alone with her child when her OH is at work), three days without any adult conversation is a long time. I know, I've done it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread