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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 07/08/2013 00:15

Hahahahahhahaha

Ha

That is all.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 07/08/2013 01:00

Could I suggest some sheep or maybe even goats to keep the grass in check OP instead of the help, I am sure they would be easier to manage? And that stream in the first house definitely might need a bridge over it, although you might be understandably concerned that the noise of the goats or indeed neighbours crossing over the bridge might potentially disturb you in the future.

ravenAK · 07/08/2013 02:43

I dunno. I bet a glass of milk in a caff doesn't come cheap up there.

Wellwobbly · 07/08/2013 06:12

"Either get hold of reality now, or it will get hold of you later."

LOVE this phrase. (And living it, too Sad)

livinginwonderland · 07/08/2013 07:29

This is the thread that just keeps on giving.

nennypops · 07/08/2013 07:59

Just loving the way OP's dh agreed on uprooting the entire family, major expense and hassle and a toal change in lifestyle, AND she found three dirty great houses, within a couple of hours - all on top of looking after two small children, feeding and bathing them, putting them to bed, pouring out her soul to dh ... If only we were all such miracle workers. But isn't Scotland going to mess up the plans to put dd into a nice PLU school for civilised little girls with small classes?

JenniBoo · 07/08/2013 08:36

Of course, if you sell your current house, you will have to be open about any disputes with neighbours.

Not in Scotland - different conveyancing system.

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 07/08/2013 08:37

But there is no dispute. I am sorting it out on Friday. And I have the MN assurance that they are a very normal family anyway. So all I need to say is there is a lovely young family next door - with 3 gorgeous boys.

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 07/08/2013 08:44

But there is no dispute. I am sorting it out on Friday. And I have the MN assurance that they are a very normal family anyway. So all I need to say is there is a lovely young family next door - with 3 gorgeous boys Grin

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 07/08/2013 08:51

Just loving the way OP's dh agreed on uprooting the entire family, major expense and hassle and a toal change in lifestyle, AND she found three dirty great houses, within a couple of hours - all on top of looking after two small children, feeding and bathing them, putting them to bed, pouring out her soul to dh ... If only we were all such miracle workers. But isn't Scotland going to mess up the plans to put dd into a nice PLU school for civilised little girls with small classes?

Yes, private offering is pretty crap outside the city. Choice will be between nice local primary, boarding school (not keen) - or I think someone here suggested home ed - now there's a thought...

Thank you - that's really kind - I used to be responsible for multi-million pounds budgets before giving up work to have DD1, and sometimes I think, being caught up in the drudergy of motherhood, how quickly you can turn things around if you really want to...

Have a nice day everyone - and thanks again for all the superb advice xx

Will let you know what happens on Friday...

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 07/08/2013 08:52

PS - MNers aren't really offended by gay blackbirds Hmm

Hmm.... no...

OP posts:
sameoldIggi · 07/08/2013 08:53

Nennypops, nope, I've even found the school for her and not far from one of the house choices naive school
(I know of this school, I have not spent hours on interweb researching in case anyone tells me to get a life!)

sameoldIggi · 07/08/2013 08:55

Jenni were you responsible for the million pound budgets in the same job that you worked with small children in, or a different one?
You're insane if you move to an area like Perthshire and then fanny about looking for a private school.

VoiceOfRaisin · 07/08/2013 08:57

OP, so sorry about your troubles. I have only one word of warning: you can't move house every time something in your life causes you to be upset.

I appreciate you believe that you are stressed over the behaviour of the little boys next door but in reality there is more to it and you will take your problems with you. If you feel down again in the future, don't rush to move house to solve it - I know a family that were forever moving and forever disappointed that their lives were just the same afterwards except with a different set of issues. Keep going with the counselling and get to the heart of this.

FrussoHathor · 07/08/2013 09:36

Have some more Wine OP

RandallPinkFloyd · 07/08/2013 09:42

Best. Thread. In. Ages.

hatsybatsy · 07/08/2013 09:55

wow again.

OP - I really hope this is a solution for you. But you will still have to get through the next few months with your new neighbours so lots of deep breaths there I think?

and who's to say that living in the middle of nowhere in a big house (with an even bigger garden....) will be without its stresses?

and whatever you do.... do not he your daughter - I don't think i would be good for either of you.

(million pound budgets indeed! if you can't cope with 2 willies however would you have coped with the stress of that?)

twilight3 · 07/08/2013 10:07

I have read the entire thread, and from all the unbelievable things I've read, the one I can't get over is asking people to smoke INDOORS, especially when they have children.... Hasn't there been loads of public money spent on campaigns educating people about the dangers of smoking in closed spaces where their children live???!!!!!!

KellyElly · 07/08/2013 10:14

Grin Grin Grin

KellyElly · 07/08/2013 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ouryve · 07/08/2013 10:17

DS2 ran out of the bathroom, starkers, after getting washed this morning, and jumped up and down with his willy flapping. Shocked, I was. Utterly shocked. In need of a strong Brew and a Biscuit after that ordeal.

Maryz · 07/08/2013 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrussoHathor · 07/08/2013 10:32

Dd regularly pulls down her kegs when she's not naked and wees and has once or twice pooed in the garden.
It's catching her in time because however many times I tell her not to she keeps doing it.

Funny thing is she doesn't do it anywhere else. It's just in her private garden. So she does know that it's not a done thing in public places.

I wonder how the OP would cope with us as neighbours. A 5yo taking a poo in the middle of the lawn has to be more offensive than willy waggling.

*Disclaimer; I know this is not acceptable behaviour, dd has complex SNs and this unwanted behaviour is being worked on.
But it would only take the OP seeing it once to assume that we are unsavoury neighbours and tell me my kids are beyond help and I have no control over them. Hmm

twilight3 · 07/08/2013 10:33

Last month DS (5) during his swimming lesson couldn't find his trunks in his bag (they were there) so he decided to walk to the pool butt naked Grin
The instructors laughed and then helped him find his trunks, it was an entertaining event that they shared with me. The other children didn't bat an eyelid apparently...

twilight3 · 07/08/2013 10:34

btw, seemingly healthy children might have very complex special needs OP...