Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:31

Oh and I can't even use speech marks correctly either.

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 22:31

Don't you worry though that in the countryside your children might be exposed to all sorts of animalistic behaviour? Dd was very curious about the cow having a piggy back and there are cockrels and everything. Might be better sticking to Neverland as cjel suggests.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/08/2013 22:32

What a wonderful imagination some of us have.

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/08/2013 22:33

Jenni, the reason I asked about what you did to placate your neighbours was because I wanted to know how far you would go to alleviate your anxiety in the face of unreasonable requests from your neighbors.

I am glad that you are seeing someone about your anxiety. It's a big step to take and you are correct that not all MH professionals are easy or productive to work with, so it's good if you have found someone that you connect with.Smile

I am also glad that you have shown your DH this thread. I agree with him in most of what he says. I will disagree with one thing he says (hey it wouldn't be MN if someone didn't disagree with the DH's take on things Grin). You can change. At some point your anxiety was necessary to your survival. It did it's job, but now it is weakening you. I hope in time you come to understand it's importance and how, now that things have changed, the importance of leaving hypervigilance behind and moving back into this world of uncertainty and how to deal with it in a way that benefits you and your DDs.

If you do chose to move, please do not see it as an escape or a solution. But instead, see it as somewhere that gives you a safe space while you work things out. You sound like a sociable person who just needs to learn how to balance the needs of others with your own needs and those of your DDs.

Look on Friday as an experiment. Work out what your fears are and how to put them across while taking into account the needs of your neighbours and their DCs (did you really expect them to sacrifice the the needs of their DBs wellbeing for yours?)Wink. And see how it goes. Hey, if it all goes tits up you can always come back here, but I would recommend a new thread.Smile

Good luck Jenni.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:33

I was too late Sad now you're moving. Can I suggest there is a house two doors from me for sale? I will promise to blow the smoke the other way and keep my feral step sons and dd away from yours? I drink wine and shop in asda though...

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:33

I have done all of them with my anxiety issues cjel - they relate to things that happened way back. If anything, my anxiety is under more control that it has been ever - most people - even close friends - don't notice now, but I know it does have an effect on me, and I can get stressed if certain things feel disrutpd or threatened...

I think it would be ok - my mum lives alone in a 6 bed house - and DH is usually away a week at a time. Up there, we could move in with my mum during the worst bits of the renovation (we get on well) and she is really good with the children. She's retired now, so she would be a great support. I am slow - but I'm actually pretty good with hands on stuff myself - I can do a bit of plumbing, joinery, painting and so on... I ran into problems finsihing my PhD and had no proper funding for my final year, and pretty much did painting jobs here and there to eat - so I am really good at that!

I have never built a house from scratch - that is impressive Cjel

I feel I could handle anything now - it's like the weight of the world has been lifted from my shoulders. Living in the city has obviously been not the best thing for me. It amazes me how tolerant all you lot are. It has been driving me nuts!

OP posts:
TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:33

insanity - im confused? are you suggesting that the cows are not just playing??

LastOrdersAtTheBra · 06/08/2013 22:34

I'm sure country life will be fabulous, just try not to get stressed during muck-spreading time. I will await the thread about cows outraging public decency by shagging in front of your DDs. Grin

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:39

Yes we built the big 5 bed 5 bathroom place. It was great everything we wanted sea views etc, 35ft square kitchen etc. Got to the point where I got fed up with other people having to look after my house cleaning and gardening so we bought offices and downsized the house, much more manageable.

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 22:41

Sorry Glitter they aren't Grin they are shagging and sometimes it's not even a bull getting a piggy back either Hmm and the sheep are even worse IME.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:42

I think I may have to vomit up my pea shoots and evian. You have completely destroyed my image of the country. I always believed they were just playing....

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:42

Oh no don't tell me the birds round my way aren't piggybacking either?

TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:43
JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:44

Thank you Dione I am sure Friday will be fine, now the heat is out of the situation!

I also think the new house will be really positive - I don't see it as runnign away at all!

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 06/08/2013 22:45

Cjel, my mum witnessed such gross acts of depravity in her garden that at the end she thought she should go out and offer the two magpies a ciggie after.Shock

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 22:46

Haven't they stopped round your way now cjel? Up to three weeks ago I was woken every morning at five by a pair of blackbirds piggybacking outside my window. I'm sure they must have a nest of babies to dampen their ardour now as it's all quiet in a morning again.

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:46

Cjel can totally appreciate that - you end up managing a domestic staff on top of everything - I felt a bit like that when I worked long hours... I was always rushing around trying to buy someone in to do something that I actually enjoyed doing myself - like mowing the grass.. Life is too short for all that stress!

OP posts:
cjel · 06/08/2013 22:49

NO there were pigeons on the garage roof this week[sad
Jenni you will have to have help in Scotland though

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 22:50

Dione there have been mornings when I have wondered whether I should shut the blinds or give them a round of applause tbh. Mr Blackbird is insatiable and surprisingly well endowed for such a little bird Wink

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:51

Dione careful magpies don't blow smoke jennis waySmile

PrettyKitty1986 · 06/08/2013 22:54

Sometimes, soft bugger that I am, mumsnet genuinely makes me sad.

What must be so bad about your real life to go to these lengths? Pity.

I genuinely hope you get the 'actual' support you need op - in whatever form that is necessary.

ouryve · 06/08/2013 22:55

I'm not an anxious person, but that river would worry me with small children.

The second house looks great, though - and with cellars, little hidey holes and everything which would make it a fun place for kids to grow up. You're in a beautiful part of the country. We've been on holiday up there, a few times.

Maryz · 06/08/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ouryve · 06/08/2013 22:57

The pigeons round our way are either superbly acrobatic or extremely stupid. They were play fighting on a power line. Silly creatures obviously never watched the safety videos.

Maryz · 06/08/2013 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.