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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
cjel · 06/08/2013 21:36

glad to have been a help and thank you for the entertainmentSmile I think you're wrong in one thing you say though - Your anxiety has everything to do with how you are.

Alisvolatpropiis · 06/08/2013 21:40

I wonder if OP's neighbour is similarly disappointed about the "sort of person" she has ended up living next door to.

Flobbadobs · 06/08/2013 21:41

Glad you're feeling better and more positive! I still think that talking to a HCP would be good for you in the long run though. Being closer to family will be good for you too.
Good luck, and I mean that very sincerely xx

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 21:49

Thank you Flobbadobs

No offence intended, but I like to avoid talking to HCPs - some of them are brilliant - but some of them are NOT.

Does anyone want to see my favourite house for sale details? I am SO excited!

OP posts:
cjel · 06/08/2013 21:53

Yes please!!

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 21:54

OP unless you get a handle on the anxiety you will take your difficulties with you you know. SIL moved because she believed a convent couldn't possibly stress her as a neighbour but you know what those pesky nuns and their acts of charity (they feed the homeless and visit the sick at unsocial hours) are just as annoying as the neighbour who had a barbecue or the one with four children.

chesterberry · 06/08/2013 21:58

I am really pleased that this has actually turned into something quite positive for you, JenniBoo :) You sound very lucky to have such a lovely DH who understands, and hopefully if you move being able to feel in control in your home and garden will help with your anxiety :)

Also brilliant that you are ready to start again with new neighbours and extend the hand of friendship to them so that hopefully things are better for both families - I hope you have a good evening on Friday :)

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:02

No link?

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:02

OK, this is my favourite - but it is £25K over the max budget.
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-36020758.html

I also like this one - well within budget..
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-27641067.html

What do you think?

Thank you Chesterberry The pressure is really off for Friday now - I dont' want to make anyone's life more difficult than it needs to be :)

OP posts:
JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:03

oophs - links didn't work... posting again!

OK, this is my favourite - but it is £25K over the max budget.
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-36020758.html

I also like this one - well within budget..
www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-27641067.html

What do you think?

OP posts:
frogwatcher42 · 06/08/2013 22:08

Love love love that second one!

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:10

blimey houses are cheap there. My house similar size to first, sold for 800,000 last year.

insanityscratching · 06/08/2013 22:10

I prefer the first tbh but really couldn't help but have a sigh of relief that you won't be my neighbour Blush sorry.

inallmydays · 06/08/2013 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:11

second one is ok but looks like it needs a lot of work?

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:12

It does look fabulous - doesn't it frogwatcher I also found a much more expensive one - way out of budget - that had a bootroom and a tennis court...

I think the second one needs a bit of money spent on it - I'm not keen on the kitchen- but the building and gardens and views - and all the important stuff is fabulous.

The house we have now is lovely, but it is in the city - and although you can walk into the centre of town, and that is fabulous in itself, you do have to live on top of other people.

I think I would be more comfortable here - and I really feel it would be great for raising children.

OP posts:
cjel · 06/08/2013 22:13

in all my days , but this is just the house I suggested she deserved this afternoon. can't we just play a little while longer though its fun?Smile

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:16

I think all that is over-rated - been there done that , you spend nearly all your life driving. I think you would be better off living in the neverland ranch - away with the fairies?

JenniBoo · 06/08/2013 22:16

Yes Cjel property is great value in Scotland. I think you're right - it does need totally upgrading. I'm up for that - I've done 3 houses before that were in much worst states when I moved in. I am good at project managing and enjoy the interior design stage.

insanity current house is semi detached - but it is in the city and that makes a huge difference to prices. Up where I origianlly come from is pretty rural. It matters less to us because I'm a SAHM atm, and DH does a mix of week long stints for work (usually overseas, but sometimes in London) and working at home.

OP posts:
frogwatcher42 · 06/08/2013 22:17

inallmydays - I have more than one set of friends who have moved from a terrace in the city to a massive house worth more than these two linked by op, in the country.

Houses in some of the nations cities are really expensive - London, Edinburgh (I think), York (I think), parts of Newcastle, etc. It depends whereabouts, and in which, city op lives as to what her mid terrace would be worth.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 06/08/2013 22:19

Given the steps leading up to the first one you might find it is quite elevated and might therefore risk overlooking neighbours so I vote for number 2 as well. Make sure you go and have a look at both there could be trampolines as far as the eye can see outside of the photographs so definitely not worth the risk.

cjel · 06/08/2013 22:21

how many have you done in your anxious state with two dcs? We built our last house and I've renovated the one I have now but when you have two tiny children its hard. don't take on more to get you stressed.

crunchbag · 06/08/2013 22:24

Lets hope the farmers are more your kind of people.

Thanks for the thread and mostly the willy clearance theorem

Maryz · 06/08/2013 22:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooOldForGlitter · 06/08/2013 22:30

I have little of worth to contribute. This thread has been very amusing. Grin. "

My" boys are my stepsons and their mother would be more than happy to agree with me (given that they are all now grown), they spent many happy days waving their penises at others, we both agreed that given that they were all children when they did the penis waving that it was probably not sinister 101 calling material.

My daughter is 10. She mooned the passing train the other day. Rest assured OP she was strongly berated. Sort of. I think we would not be your kind of people. (we smoke outside too).