to think that a lot (but not all) "Gentle Parenting" FB pages are full of sneery nobbers?

[Fourwillies]

Inspired by a post by MrsDeVere, and the fact that I have just removed myself from FOUR of these pages, I'm reaching the conclusion that despite the high ideals, there are a lot of judgemental sneery fuckers on these pages, clueless about anything beyond their own nose.

[and relax]

My DS wasn't hatted when he was born, they either forgot or were too busy resuscitating him and trying to piece me back together.

I hatted him the next morning though. He had a cone head from the kiwi ventouse thingy. It had a ring around it with all crusty blood and mank stuck in it.

It was August and really quite warm. He was basically naked except for a hat for about a week and a half. Should I flog myself now or can I wait til later?

Someone will be along shortly to flog you, for a small fee.

All mine were hatted, nappies and babygro'd. I've ruined them. Sometimes they were even shawled.

Slingmeet - was sold to me as somewhere to go and try on lots of slings so you can decide which one to buy. Sounded like a great idea to me, no shops nearby selling slings, so I went along.
Turned up to find I was the only person there who didn't already have a multitude of slings, everyone else was there to congratulate themselves on being 'babywearers.' I received no advice except some looks of disapproval as I formula fed my dd and then changed her disposable nappy - I went home and bought a baby bjorn in the end!

Oh dear, Not guilty of "hating" I never put a hat on indoors and only about twice out doors before I lost it.

But patting and chatting. Well DD was born at home with two midwives present and her sister. Then they swaped shift and two other midwives came and tidied up. Then DF, her DH and her two DDs turned up and played for a bit, before taking DD1 off for tea.

Thus DD2 had had 11 different people chatting, patting and spreading their germs before she was 9 hours old.

Perhaps that's why she's far more sociable and far better with people than DD2

It's a load of tosh. I co slept and 24 hr BF DD2 because that's what worked for her. DD1 was formulae fed and put in the crib because she hated BFing and squirmed if you tried to co sleep.

Neither of them would tolerate slings or being swaddled.

DD1 lived on wicked reins, because she vanished, DD2 was much more sensible.

Both have been slapped and shouted at and sent to their rooms. Both have been loved and cuddled and loved to pieces too. (The naughty step in an open plan house doesn't really work, they just carry on watching you and their sister and don't care).

At 12&15 they are as different as chalk and cheese and utterly delightful.

I call it the muddling along school of parenting

Oh and by 4 they would both been quite happy if I'd let them play on their own in the baby pool. By 5 DD2 would do adult water shoots into pools out of her depth, but both had swam a lot from being tiny.

Sounds like a good school Star.!

So far I seem to have been favouring a 'by the seat of your pants' approach. I can't boast a 100% success rate but still, I've been on my own since he was 4mo so it was very much a sink or swim situation. He's 2 this week and we've muddled through so far. Although admittedly he does spend a lot of his time spinning round in circles with his hand down the back of his pants singing 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover at the top of his voice. I don't think anyone's going to be asking me to write a book any time soon.

If you'd yelled at your four year old why would you go on one of these FB pages, it's pretty obvious it's not going to be looked on favourably.

You might go looking for a bit of support and advice.

You'd not get any by the sounds of it though.

Because they purport to be a supprt network.

Does anyone actually think they were damaged as a child by being yelled at when they did something wrong? I know I wasn't.

We have made parenting such hard work for ourselves. I think it was far simpler in days gone by and the children were generally more respectful.

Yes but what kind of connotations do 'Gentle parenting' titles have?

Yes it's pretty obvious you are not going to find that kind of reassurance from FB page committed to the cause of 'gentle parenting', if you have 'shouted' at your four year old for whatever reason.

The name 'gentle parenting' is so bloody passive aggressive, anyone who doesn't subscribe to their school of child rearing, is by implication an aggressive or rough parent.

I always like how I am judged for using formula and a soother by gentle par enters yet I'm jealous or have feelings that I failed if I judge their lack of parenting their child when its violently attacking mine. They frequent my local toddler group,they smile dotingly at their children as they wreck havoc and run other children's fun.

Right I get that hatting is , um, putting a hat on . But what the chuff is chatting and patting?

I remember starting a thread on a well known 'natural parenting' website about gentle parenting and whether it could possibly be called natural, both because it is so unnatural for a parent to robotically inspect their every communication with a child for hints of upset or praise and also because in the natural animal word, parenting is FAR from gentle!

Unconditional parenting is my very very most hated parenting style.

Are they support groups though or more a bunch of people that hold the same 'principles'?

this thread makes me think of a discussion on another forum about a slingmeet in a mall where a dad tried to join in but was turned away because he had a Baby Bjorne not a real sling. The snobbishness was jaw-dropping. I also couldn't believe the number of people who chimed in to support "educating" (providing unsolicited advice) to parents they saw out and about using said unapproved carrier.

it's too bad as I think there are some good foundational principles in Sears books for example

Bwahahaha that person who has commented on the 'hatting' Facebook page - I know her! She had a lotus birth and talks about putting babies in prams making her sad and being 'unconscious parenting'

Why do these women all refer to the,selves as 'mamas'? Who actually says Mama out loud unless you are foreign? I'm not a mama, I'm a mother, mummy to my DS. And I'm not any type of mother (apart from a horrible, self doubting, shouty one at the moment) but I don't need a label to validate my choices.

Actually, if anyone has any links of nice, sensible, helpful gentle parenting sites, I'd like to see it. I do want to be less shouty and cross with DS and I know it's not making a blind bit of difference to his behaviour so if I can find a gentler way that works I would be very happy. But no 'baby wearing cloth bumming natural mama' bullshit.

TBF Friggen it is possible for a child who drinks formula and uses a dummy to attack your child. Besides, if you're talking about children who are at an age where they drink formula or do/don't use dummies then you're actually making out 'babies' to be spoilt and vicious with their attacks on your child. Babies, all babies are not completely clued up on 'boundaries'!