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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been angry at this man in the shop today?

112 replies

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 22:40

I genuinely don't know...I was standing looking at something in M&S...moderately busy but not rammed.

Anyway I felt an arm around my waist...it was a man who was wanting to get past and as he was approaching from behind me, that was his way of letting me know...putting his arm around my waist and kind of moving me to one side. Angry

I whirled round and if my eyes could shoot fire I swear they burned him a bit because he kind of stepped back quickly and looked a bit nervous...he said "Sorry!" in a genuinely sorry way...had my two DC not been nearby I would have said "You don't touch women you don't know you knob!"

But as DC were with me, I didn't say anything.

WIBU to be so annoyed? Is it normal to do this when someone's in your way?

OP posts:
Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:16

I know many women who only want female masseurs for instance...because they'd not like a man touching them like that...a woman touching you is less worrying. I think the vast majority of men know not to touch women they don't know.

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:16

Someone can be genuinely sorry and in the wrong, surely?

Doing it to friends is totally different, obviously.

daddoinghisbest · 04/08/2013 23:17

Admittedly, the local pub isn't quite like M&S, but as it's noisy and crowded, people are often gently pushing me aside - male and female as they pass through the crown. No probs at all.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:17

SP those are your friends and your brother and his friends. Not the same at all. As I said...his expression may have been sorrow or it may have been nerves because I looked cross.

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Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:18

Dad yes you sort of expect it more in a pub or club....less problematic because of the atmosphere and the social rules are less strict aren't they...guards are down generally because of drink.

OP posts:
SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:18

I am nervous of men for personal reasons but if a man did that then apologised and seemed genuine I wouldn't think anything of it.

There are also men who dont do that LRD but no one remembers that.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:21

Well, I remember that. [confised]

Why on earth do you think other people don't?

If you don't, that's your problem.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:21

He apologised! What sexist, power mad person would do that? He might not of thought anything of it and realised he had scared/offended the OP so apologised as that's not what he intended.

The guy who picked me up and moved me didn't apologise after he did that.

I dont see anything sexist about it.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:25

Oh, come on, this is ridiculous.

You are putting words into the OP's mouth and arguing against a straw man. She never said he was 'power mad'.

This is a silly story you've made up because you happen to disagree with her. It's childish, and a nasty way to belittle someone you disagree with.

wharrgarbl · 04/08/2013 23:26

I had a suspicion that you get some odd women in M&S, it's much worse than I thought!

WTAF.

You don't start manhandling people if they happen to be in your way - how about 'excuse me', or a slight bump to the arm or similar. Grabbing someone around the waist? And I'd be just as irritated were it to be a female doing it. I don't do casual touching from strangers, and I'm stuffed if I can see how anyone sees it as appropriate.

namechangesforthehardstuff · 04/08/2013 23:27

Not really sure why some people are so confused by this. Men do touch women inappropriately. I don't know many women who haven't been felt up by some random bloke at some point. For most of them it's been overtly sexual. And lots of predatory people get their kicks from doing something a but borderline like this where a person might think 'hang on...was that...? '
So.if you felt it was unnecessary and inappropriate chances then it was.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:28

General consensus is that he was BU and I wasn't. I would have definitely spoken up had my children seen but they were too far away. He was a wanker and I'm not. Grin

OP posts:
SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:28

I haven't put words in to her mouth!

The words power/strength were used earlier in the thread along with sexist.

Nothing to do with belittling. I haven't used any words that haven't been used already.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:29

Namechanges that was my initial fear. One doesn't want to feel like a brief fantasy for anyone.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:29

SP well...he DID use his strength...he moved me. Propelled me slightly forward.

OP posts:
LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:30

That isn't true, SP. The only person who used 'power' was you. Just as the only person who called him a 'sexist pig' wasn't the OP.

Like I said, you're making up a straw man, and now you're lying about it.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:31

Neo But did I put those words in your mouth? No I didn't you used them first.

I have a different opinion on this. I haven't belittled Neo at all. I hve told her I understand what feeling like that is like. I just don't agree that every man is a predator or is doing something with weird intentions

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:31

Who did say every man is a predator?

Again, you're making things up.

Hmm
Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:35

SP I never SAID you put them in my mouth.

OP posts:
SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:35

Neo mentioned strength! I stated power or strength in first comment about that and I also question sole about the sexist pig remark which Neo agreed with so how was I wrong in stating that?

I never said anyone said everyman is a predator! I'm saying I dont see everyman in that way...

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:35

That was me who said that, sorry neo, didn't mean to offend.

SPsTotallyMullerFuckingLicious · 04/08/2013 23:36

No bit LRD seems to think so!

When it was me who mentioned them first.

Someone shares a different opinion on MN and no one likes it. Nothing changes there Grin

namechangesforthehardstuff · 04/08/2013 23:37

No OP but you gave him the look so he'll pop back into his little sad wanky man box now Grin

And yes - consensus is YANBU.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy · 04/08/2013 23:38

SP - ok, you may not have meant to come across as you did.

But you were talking as if you were addressing someone else's points when you said 'I just don't agree'. If you actually meant, no one else had said this, then who were you disagreeing with? Bringing up an argument and then disagreeing with it is called introducing a 'straw man', and it's usually seen as quite disingenuous and sneaky, a way of belittling the person you're disagreeing with by making out they'd said something they hadn't.

My feeling was that when you claimed the OP had talked about power first, when she hadn't and the only person who'd mentioned it was you, was along the same lines.

Reason I kicked off was that I think it is quite poor to imply that people are coming up with these arguments when in fact no-one has brought them up except to disagree with them. But if you were ignorant of the fact that this is how you came across, I get that.

Original poster
NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 04/08/2013 23:40

namechange "Wankyman" I like that.

In a weird way! Grin

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