Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to think that my friend was ungrateful?

81 replies

ALittlePeeved · 04/08/2013 20:44

Try and make it short as I can.

A couple of months ago a friend and I were saying about a certain type of party we had always wanted to go to and as her birthday was last month I suggested we do it for that and she was up for the idea.

As I have a big project on at work the idea was I would host as I have the space but she would organise, however I did want a bit more control over the food that people would bring, the idea being that if everyone brought something, it would save me having to do all the cooking. Everyone was ok with this idea.

Before the event she was texting and asking what food people should bring. I was swamped with my project and hadn't had time to think about it so I said this to her, she asked more than once and I told her the same. We finally got it sorted just before but there was a bit of a problem with a dessert as the person who was bringing my friends favourite decided she was doing enough so said she wasn't bringing this, so another friend offered to bring it instead, my friend specifically really likes this dessert.

On the day I was getting texts from my friend asking me what time we would be eating. Everyone was arriving for 8 with the food and it is the type of party where you arrive on time. I said whenever as I didn't want to be rushing with the food I was doing as I was already running behind that day, it was a weekend but I had been busy all day. I usually eat between 8 and 9 in the evening anyway. My friend was not happy with this and was trying to pin me down to a time. She asked if it would be just after 8 but I laughed and said I doubt it. However I was getting pissed off by this time as I wanted to be able to relax and enjoy it but it was becoming a pita by then. She did tell me that she wasn't feeling well that day, she does have a long term health problem and often gets ill.

When she arrived I admit I was really hacked off and I didn't speak to her for quite a while. After I got her on her own and had a word that I was upset because I was doing this for her birthday and felt like she didn't appreciate it, I was in tears. She looked really uncomfortable and apologised. She said the reason for asking about what food people were bringing is because people kept asking her because she organised it but she couldn't tell them anything because she was waiting for me. She also said that if it had been another event she would have cancelled because she was feeling ill but she knew she couldn't cancel this one.

We started eating at about 9ish but as we were with a large group it wasn't rushed and we were just taking our time and enjoying the evening. When we had finished the first 2 courses I suggested we all go and sit in the other room. My friend stood up and said she was sorry but she really felt ill and had to go, it was about midnight by this time, so not too late and I was actually pretty annoyed because my friend had specifically made the dessert that she wanted so I said that she couldn't go yet as X had made her favourite so she had to have some, all in a friendly way, not confrontational or anything although we were at opposite ends of the table so everyone did hear. She sat down and ate it then when it was finished, she did leave. I did go over to her and say I hope she didn't mind me saying that (about the dessert) but I had really felt she should have it after it was brought for her. I also said I hoped we were ok from the texts and me saying something to her earlier and she said she was, although I wasn't so sure.

Its been about a month and I am sure she is slightly off with me so I am wondering if I have done something wrong here but I didn't think that I did. I wasn't mean to her at all, it was all in a nice way but I did feel that there were things that warranted saying.

WIBU?

OP posts:
FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 04/08/2013 20:48

In fairness you sound like you shouldn't have offered to organise it, nothing worse than being caught in the middle but without being able to take control as your friend was.
Plus midnight is late to be eating a meal, yes
Is this a reverse Ainu?

sameoldIggi · 04/08/2013 20:49

Three hours to eat two courses? I wouldn't have left as I'd have been too faint with the hunger by ten o'clock.

WhoNickedMyName · 04/08/2013 20:50

Is this a reverse? Because it sounds like it.

And yes, YABU.

FrancesDeLaTourCoughngIntoABin · 04/08/2013 20:50

You sound like you refused to make a decision which is fine if your friends are like minded, I'm a planner and it would drive ,e mad

iago · 04/08/2013 20:53

Nutter! Really...

greensmoothiegoddess · 04/08/2013 20:53

A bit tricky to follow but...you sound really half-arsed about it if I'm being honest. Yes ywbu just from the point of view that your friend has health issues and midnight IS pretty late. Maybe you could have committed to a less busy weekend?

ShatnersBassoon · 04/08/2013 20:54

So it was her birthday party? Sounds like she was just worried that it wasn't being organised and perhaps people were asking her for more details.

Out of interest, what sort of party was it?

cacamilis · 04/08/2013 20:54

yabu you insisted on having full control over the food and then gave little feedback as to what was acceptable. If I were expected to make food for a party in would expect to be told in advance what to make and also be asked if I was okay with this. You were hosting the party so you should have been involved with the organising or handed it over to some one else who had the time.
Your friend has an illness surely when she told you on the night how she felt you should have checked how long since would be able to stay and worked around that.
If doesn't sound as though you through the party with your friend in mind, you through the party using her birthday Bryan excuse because you wanted the same type, and you managed to ruin it for both of you. Sad Sad

Aworryingtrend · 04/08/2013 20:55

Your poor friend. You insisted on hosting a party for her, but then gave her no details about it so she was unable to communicate them to other guests. She was feeling ill and understandably wanted to leave at midnight- I certainly wouldn't fancy dessert at midnight- yet you told her off and made her eat it! You come across as bossy, controlling and yes YWBU. I too wondered if it was a reverse aibu.

grabaspoon · 04/08/2013 20:55

So the party was it a murder mystery dinner party?

kinkyfuckery · 04/08/2013 20:56

This has to be a reverse? Surely no-one is that insensitive?

TallyGrenshall · 04/08/2013 20:56

YWBU

It was midnight, she wasn't feeling well (and had told you earlier) and you embarrassed her.

PeazlyPops · 04/08/2013 20:58

Assuming this isn't a reverse aibu... Yes, YWBVVU.

If this is a reverse aibu, your friend sounds very flaky and difficult, it must have been tough for you, you must have the patience of a saint to have stayed as long as you did!

TheBakeryQueen · 04/08/2013 20:58

I think you were being unreasonable about not giving her a time. However busy you were it wouldn't take a minute to provide her with a time would it? I would think you were being deliberately awkward and acting all self-important if you couldn't be bothered to give a time. And it sounds like you were causing her needless stress.

And crying on her birthday, insisting she ate at midnight when she felt unwell, over a dessert? It doesn't look like you wanted her to have a nice birthday. More that you were pissed off because she dared ask you for a time more than once.

I feel sorry for her actually.

fuckwittery · 04/08/2013 20:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

whatshallwedo · 04/08/2013 20:59

Yabu to have not given your friend a rough idea of a time when she first asked you.

If you knew everyone would be arriving on time due to the type of party then you could've easily said 8.30 and then other people would have had an idea.

Also if I was at someones house for a meal and felt unwell I wouldn't want to be eating my desert at midnight even if it was my favourite so yabu there too.

cansu · 04/08/2013 20:59

FGS if you had offered to host the party and wanted people to bring food etc then why on earth couldn't you commit to a bloody time for party to start. It is of course ridiculous to be hanging around until midnight to eat dessert. It is also ridiculous to be off with your friend at this party which was supposed to be to celebrate her birthday. You sound like hard work and your friend probably wishes she had had the party elsewhere as you seemed to try and spoil it.

DameFanny · 04/08/2013 20:59

You say the party was for your friend, but your post is all about you.

And you give the impression that your friend's illness is an inconvenience to you.

Yabu

TheBakeryQueen · 04/08/2013 20:59

And ignoring her when she arrived at your house? How uncomfortable would she have felt. That was mean & rude of you, IMO.

bababababoom · 04/08/2013 20:59

I wondered if this was a reverse aibu too. Party your idea, which you then said you couldn't be bothered to organise, but didn't give your friend the details to allow her to organise it. You got annoyed when she asked for any details, ignored her on her birthday when she turned up, showed no concern for the fact that she felt ill, and wouldn't let her go home. YABU.

bionic77 · 04/08/2013 21:00

Sounds like you let your poor friend organise her own birthday party. It was a bit of a back handed offer on your part. YABU.

EMS23 · 04/08/2013 21:00

Surely this is a reverse AIBU? If not, you sound like a nightmare and forcing someone to sit down and eat a dessert before they're allowed to leave is very weird.

cacamilis · 04/08/2013 21:00

please tell me what is a reverse aibu? I know the answer is probably in the term but I can't get why someone would post a reversed one?

LaurieFairyCake · 04/08/2013 21:00

You're in the wrong

And providing a venue is NOT making a party for someone - she did all the work!

ihatethecold · 04/08/2013 21:01

You don't come across as very nice.

Swipe left for the next trending thread