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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to receive bad news whilst on Holiday?

85 replies

mrsshearsagain · 03/08/2013 08:20

Dh and I need some views on this one, we are due to go on hoilday with our dc in 3 weeks time, it is a long haul for which we have done lots of saving.
While disussing various points about the holiday it has become apparent that we don't agree on this issue, my view is that if something were to happen whilst we were away in the form of bad news, I would not want to be made aware until we returned, reasons being there is no way we would be able to get back early due to the extra cost, we would worry constantly whilst away and the holiday would be ruined for the children, dh disagrees and says he would rather know.
Whilst I'm not 100% about the idea, I don't see the point of being made aware of something that we are unable to do anything about until we return and that could result in a lot of worry and stress, what do you think?

OP posts:

BrokenBanana · 03/08/2013 08:24

Is there something in particular you are worrying will happen?
I would agree with you I think, but be prepared for a huge shock if something does happen. This happened to my sister and BIL, it really knocked them for 6 and they took longer to accept the news than anyone else. They don't regret it though as if they'd found out on holiday it would have totally spoiled the whole thing.

ZolaBuddleia · 03/08/2013 08:26

Are you likely to receive (or not) bad news? Is anything going on at home?

tulippa · 03/08/2013 08:26

It depends how bad the news is. If something awful had happened to someone close to me and they had two days to live I'd want to know so i could come and see them. If it was was something someone would get over and I could do nothing about then maybe I wouldn't need to be told.

However if someone had died I'd feel weird having been away enjoying myself unaware of what was happening while everyone else was dealing with it.

So I think actually I'd like to know whatever and then I could make the decision for myself whether to come home or not.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 03/08/2013 08:26

I agree. I have held off on telling someone bad news whilst they were on holiday. They couldn't affect the outcome anyway so it seemed pointless.

I suppose it depends on the bad news and each situation might be different.

ZolaBuddleia · 03/08/2013 08:27

Sorry, I didn't mean is there something wrong with your marriage, which I realised that's what my post looks like! I meant are there any people or things you are already worried about.

Sirzy · 03/08/2013 08:27

I would rather know, there may be nothing you can do from there but I wouldn't want to be in the dark.

When my Nan died her Brother was on a cruise. He couldn't get back from in time for her funeral but at the day/time of the funeral him and his wife were able to go to the Chapel on board the ship and have some quiet time.

My sister was rushed to hospital when my parents were away once and when we knew what was happening we phoned them so they were aware - they would have been mighty annoyed to have been left in the dark!

TotallyEggFlipped · 03/08/2013 08:27

If there's nothing you can do about it, I don't see the point of getting the bad news when you're on holiday.

Justforlaughs · 03/08/2013 08:28

It would depend on what the news was tbh. If someone had died, then I agree with you, but if someone was seriously ill then I agree with him, as I would move heaven and earth to get home (and I think most travel insurance would help you out). I couldn't care less about my house etc.

MelanieCheeks · 03/08/2013 08:29

How are you going to control whether or not you get the news?

My parents went on holdiay while I was in my teens, and my grandparents were staying with ous to look after us. My grandfather died suddenly during that week, and it was very stressful trying to get hold of parents to let them know, and of course they wanted to come home immediately.

Should I not have told my mother that her father had died, in case it spoiled her holiday?

BoysAreLikeDogs · 03/08/2013 08:29

whatever you decide please make your wishes known to your family, I promise you there is nothing worse than family AGONISING over whether to ring you, meet you at the airport, wait til the morning after you have arrived home

I speak from experience

Original poster

mrsshearsagain · 03/08/2013 08:31

No we are not expecting bad news, however dh's parents are in their late 70's which always raises the possibility.

OP posts:

Benby · 03/08/2013 08:31

About 10 years ago I had a holiday booked and my dad got terminally ill. Now my dad actually passed away 2 weeks before I went. But my mam had said afterward that if he had of died while I was away she wouldn't have told me till I came home. I would have been upset by that and I didn't even get on with or like my dad. I could only imagine getting of the plane and receiving bad news about someone you love.
That's just my opinion I would like to know.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 03/08/2013 08:32

I think it sounds terrible that you'd rather not know in case it spoils your holiday. Your holiday is more important to you, than say, your Mum dying? Really?

carabos · 03/08/2013 08:32

I'm with the OP on this. When FiL was very ill, and it was possible that he could die if he took an infection, we went on a long-booked holiday. We told the family that we did not want to be informed should anything happen as we were only going for a week and being told wouldn't change anything.

FiL did take a turn for the worse (but didn't die) and BiL phoned every day . In the end DH had to tell him in no uncertain terms to stop as it meant all we talked about was FiL's situation. We were hoping to have a break as we were doing most of the day to day caring. BiL didn't stop - he wanted to share as we needed to realise how stressful the situation was for him .

FiL lived another 9 months.

BeckAndCall · 03/08/2013 08:34

It depends. It makes a huge difference how bad the news is and how close to the individual involved .

We can be on holiday without our nearly grown children - but you're not at that age yet. If anything happened that affected them, I'd like to know immediately ( not just bad news like you're thinking, but life relevant news - eg losing a job, splitting up with a partner etc, so I could be on the end of a phone to support).

And for our parents, we have had bad news on hols more than once - hospital episodes. The last time, my SIL wanted some help deciding what was the right thing to do Re a DNR directive as she was left alone to make the decision and needed to talk to my DH about it. (All ended well that time).

So it's not just about what you want to know, it's about what those left at home might need from you.

LindyHemming · 03/08/2013 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsKeithRichards · 03/08/2013 08:35

You need to decide what you do and do not want to be told about. Some uncle going to hospital - no, parent dying - yes. That sort of thing.

We (parents, siblings etc) work on the basis of no contact until they something to actually tell. My mums sister had a huge heart attack when my parents were on holiday. She has a husband and other siblings, as well as grown up children and once she was in an induced coma there was nothing my mum could have done anyway so we decided not to call her.

hermioneweasley · 03/08/2013 08:36

Blimey, if one of your elderly in laws had (for example) a heart attack and. Risks dying, you woukdn't want to know?!

I don't usually advocate getting into debt, but if there was ever something to crack open the credit card for, then your DH's emergency flight home (even if the rest of you don't come) woukd definitely be it.

Cheeseatmidnight · 03/08/2013 08:39

I would want to know and be prepared to worry. I don't think I could enjoy my holiday if I thought something bad had happened at home and I didn't know,

Pagwatch · 03/08/2013 08:39

My father died two days in to a family holiday.

Having actually been in this position I think I might venture that you have no idea what you are talking about.

The idea that would have been left sunning myself and the dc on a beach rather than holding my mother and helping her plan his funeral is faintly ridiculous.

LilRedWG · 03/08/2013 08:40

It's always a tricky one, however as the potential worry is about your DH's parents then he should make the call. If anything did happen and he wasn't told because of your wishes not to have a holiday disturbed he would forever resent you.

You have every right to make the call with regards to your side of the family but cannot dictate over his parents.

LilRedWG · 03/08/2013 08:41

Listen to Pagwatch - she knows. ((((paggy))))

Pagwatch · 03/08/2013 08:41

If you have insurance they will help you get home and cover the holiday cost. The hotel organised everything for us.
Not that I gave a shit but we lost nothing financially.

MrsKeithRichards · 03/08/2013 08:41

I would never contact my mum on holiday to say I'd most ny jib or had an argument with dh, that's ridiculous

TheSunTheMoonTheTruth · 03/08/2013 08:42

If I were on holiday and someone close to me dies, or something else as serious and I didn't know:
a) yes I would have a great marvelous time while those around me might even need me and my support
b) when I came back and realised that awful thing happened while I was having a good time, all my memories would be tainted anyway. I wouldn't look back and say 'oh do you remember when we drank cocktails and watched the sun set over a beautiful sea in xxxx?' when actually what was happeneing was 'we drank cocktails and watched the sun set over a beautiful sea in xxx while yyyy had died and life was fucking shit for everyone back home'.

But, it really depends on the news. If it was that someone close to me had a diagnosis that was not good, and they had other people to turn to and rely on before I came home, then maybe that is ok. If it were that some building works went wrong in my absence I would prefer not to know. But, if it were anything to do with the immediate health of my nearest and most loved then I would absolutely need to know. And, I would ensure before I went on holiday that I had appropriate insurance to cover family emergencies, so that I could get home again.

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